I'd faint if I saw him

you meant Bruce right? Then here's another story:
Some years ago he got to talk at another Italian restaurant with a guy hat was organizing a small festival (about 9000 people max), and he was invited to play, but only if he would not play his own songs but just well-known covers. Because that was the premise of the festival, all artists play covers. And he said "sure I'll come". So he played at that festival with some band he probably quickly drew together, only playing covers. He even screwed up a Dutch song ;-)
And apparently nobody knew it was him!
Source (Dutch news article) is here

he should have played some johnny cash!

Isn't retroactive sexual jealousy the worst, when you're driven nuts by what the other did in the past?

It's unfair, irrational and yet very painful.

Or is it just envy? They had all the fun while I wanked it for all those years?

Yeah, it's not great. Especially because you (or at least I) feel like an absolute jackass for feeling it in the fist place.
I used to feel this about my girlfriend's former partners. For at least a year actually, when we started dating. Didn't make any sense to her. Didn't make any sense to me. Not like I didn't have partners, and that didn't drive her crazy. So... lots of shame about just having those feelings, at least for me.
Luckily it faded. Not sure when.

Jealousy, of any kind, sucks and is the worst.

At least a year? Man, that's brutal.

How did you not turn into a total asshole? How did you not slip and call her "slut" at some angry, perhaps drunken point?

To have an irrational thought, to know it's irrational, to be bothered by it anyway...brains are stupid.

i wanted to answer this yesterday but i needed more info before saying anything

but i'll skip to the present now

i don't understand having a horny lady in your hands and complaining about it

isn't that like a great wasting of a great opportunity?

and shouldn't you be throwing a party instead?

i mean, she's chosen you now. this is your chance. use it or lose it. right?

sorry i can't be more help.

You're right, but rationality doesn't work.

Example: I had to use a condom, but the last dude got to jizz in her whenever he wanted because she was on the pill. How the fuck does one think their way out of that?

Sev's year is pretty fucked tho.

i... dont like to think about dudes when having sex (sorry, dudes)

the way i see it, you're neurotically ruining your chances to remove the condom in this scenario

i don't know what to tell you. if i had tact i'd write an advice column. instead, i insult people without trying.

i guess to put it in pop culture terms-- you have to become spongeworthy (or pillworthy?)

whining about it won't make you pillworthy

whining never works, not in the long run anyway

cmon man. be creative. have a good time before you die. this is now.

This.

Either get a grip on it or risk losing her cos of your own insecurities

How long you been going out?

Might be eventually she wants to go on the pill and you can spread the seed all you want. In the mean time just enjoy cumming wherever else.

Woah! Just another reason why I love the guy

Hah.

Are you joking? I don't think I've ever called anyone a slut. Not since junior high, talking about Mariah Carey or something. Never a term I've favored in person.
I didn't snap or turn into an asshole because I knew the problem was mine. She wanted to be with me, impossible to fault her for past perfectly human things. I just had a hang-up for a bit, is all, and that's because of my own bullshit.

Anyway, I probably did turn into something of an asshole just by being unable to completely hide the fact that it bothered me. She picked up on it, and she'd say something to make me feel better.... and then I'd realize I was being a shit by making her feel like she needed to waste her energy re-assuring me or whatever. Especially when I wasn't having to justify not being an adult virgin to her! Haha.

So, I guess I was a shit, if not the kind you're talking about, and the realization of that shittiness helped me chill the fuck out.

ALSO... not trying to get too touchy and personal here, but the early phases of a deeply emotional and also sexual relationship can be really awkward. When you're just head over heels for someone, but you're still, y'know, learning about each other. I think that takes about a year, to "learn" your partner.
And then, somewhere along the line.... Not to be indelicate, but... you start banging like fucking superheroes and making each other come with less and less effort, and it gets seamless and kind of beautiful and awesome.

Kinda hard to concern yourself with your partner's previous partners when you're having incredible sex with that person on a daily basis. :cool:

The real challenges come around year #3-5, where some of that magic is gone and real life sets in and you have to still make time for each other and make each other feel loved. THAT shit is hard. That's the real issue for me. I'm a workaholic, and an anxious mess, so keeping my shit together as a partner over the long term has been the greater challenge for me.

Let me clarify... a year at most of occasional jealousy... it wasn't a year of torture.
Took us about two months to get past some of the initial awkwardness. So, reel in that year as a metric of my suffering. It wasn't like that.

Also, we're talking about year one of an almost ten-year relationship that is still on-going, even though we're taking a break and she is on a voyage of undetermined length at present. We're talking about the best relationship of my life, by far. If I marry, ever, it will be her.

You want horror stories? I'll have to go back to my late teens and early 20s. I can tell you some shit that will make you feel like a champ, my friend. I've been raked over the goddamn coals, and hurt, and I've hurt back, and every relationship prior to this one has been a disaster of one extreme kind of abother.

So, if you want to feel better, I'm sure I can help with that. Hahahaha

ETA: I edited this for privacy reasons. If you saw an earlier version, please be cool about it.

I didn't. Do tell. I'll be cool.

Although I think you guys are stupid about chicks.

I just texted her, asking her to apologize for all she did before she knew I existed. She texted back "FU" which I take to mean "Forgive (me; I am) Unclean."

JK

Baaaahaaaa!!!

Is this all just a fuckaround then? Dick. :)

No, just that last part.

Actually we aren't even an official couple (yet) so the "be cool and patient" advice is as good as it gets.

----

Worst Thing I Did to a Chick:

After we broke up, I'd check her email. (We were close enough I knew her password.) I saw she was getting awfully flirty with some new guy, so I wrote back as her, a message amounting to "Please go away."

Well, he was so shook her called her, and it didn't take much for her to figure out what happened.

Joke's on me because they got married and had a kid.

This was about 15 years ago and now that I write it out it, it's bad but I've heard worse stories.

I read my college girlfriend's diary. Entires about me... during a period where we were "off" between many "on" periods. I read it, and used the information I learned against her in a nasty way. I don't think I ever told her, but I may have at some point. I feel like if I had, I would VERY CLEARLY remember the broken face that followed. She, like most of us, cherished and valued privacy and trust. I violated the duck out of it.

That's probably the least awful story from that particular relationship, but it's the one that makes me look the worst.

Oh... that and the time I told her I wanted to sleep with her friend (during an "on" oeriod) and for some fucking reason claimed to be still "figuring myself out sexually" when she asked why the fuck her friend attracted me so much when she didn't (she did... big time... but I was so fucking young and stupid that I was being led around by my dick. I said that shit anyway to dig myself out of something.

I wasn't questioning my sexuality at all. I was just dumb, and weak, and a coward.

I read my college girlfriend's diary. Entires about me... during a period where we were "off" between many "on" periods. I read it, and used the information I learned against her in a manipulative way. I don't think I ever told her, but I may have at some point. I feel like if I had, I would VERY CLEARLY remember the broken face that followed. She, like most of us, cherished and valued privacy and trust. I violated the fuck out of it.

That's probably the least awful story from that particular relationship, but it's the one that makes me look the worst.

Oh... that and the time I told her I wanted to sleep with her friend (during an "on" period) s being led around by my dick.

man, it's confession time!

i plead the fith

Never did it. Totally get it.

I can see myself getting headfucked enough to do something like that. Were you just super insecure and needed to know what was up?



Booooo! Wimp. (Unless you took a shit on a girl's face while she slept. Maybe keep that to yourself.)

how IN THE FUCK did you know...!!?!?!

dammit...

did she tell you??

She tried, but she smelled awful and I had to run away.

if she couldn't keep a secret i guess she deserved it after all

no regrets!

Pretty much.

ETA: Deleted all the sordidness, because the two people I was talking to have read it, and I'm not sure anyone else needs to.

Please divulge something, so I don't feel like I'm arming the masses against me. Surely there's something from your distant past you could safely offer up.

i... im sorry but not wired that way.

as a friend, i've avoided reading your posts actually, in case you ended up spilling too much information about other people. yes! i turned away as a kidness, if that makes sense.

anyway i've never liked group therapy. my old shrink asked me to join twice, and twice i tried and detested it. he said i had to get the point of it. i never did and now he's dead, so we'll never know.

This isn't group therapy.

Bitching? Sure. Advice seeking? Sometimes.

But I sure as shit don't see a shrink in house to moderate things.

These are just stories. Pretty good ones too. Sev was one fucked up dude, but lived to type the tale.

yeah ha ha ha

maybe i should add that i was brought up catholic, and the secret of confession is a pretty heavy item in it. people have gone to jail or worse over it...

...i guess i don't trust any of you fuckers! xD

I was raised Catholic too. I'm confessing to you. Who went to jail or worse for confession?

Anyway.. you're making me want to edit my comments now. Hmm.

ETA: I edited my comment. You freaked me out.

Hey man, I was like 20 years old. But yes... I was a super fucked up young man. This is probably why I would never even think about being a dick someone I truly, honest-to-god, love with all my heart, no matter how jealous or whatever I may have felt at one time.

I was a confused little shit. I didn't know how to treat people. Thank god I'm over the hormones are everything phase. I'm a much better human being now.

good! never trust the internet. it's mostly a bunch of dicks. they're your friend one day and the next one they wanna put a pitchfork up your ass.

priests in history have been pressure to break the... what's it called... confessional seal? something. and when they resisted...

see here, quick google: http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/ne...fession-44847/

anyway, i'm not a priest and i've made no vows. but since i know nothing (i averted my eyes and put on auto-erase, like when people tell me their passwords i go laaaalaaalaaaalaaaaimforgettingthisnext, the same) you don't have to worry about me.

so, re: "sharing" like a 12-stepper, i know it's supposed to be therapeutic and all, so im not saying you're a terrible man for writing down your confessions in a public forum, but im just saying... only give your secrets to those you trust. they're not for everyone to examine, in spite of what jerry springer made the culture believe.

i keep a lot of secrets in my head, mine and other people's. mine are mine, and the other people's aren't mine to share so they don't leave this vault. they were given to me alone and i honor that.

okay but here a funny story: one time i was fucking this guy's wife and the guy showed up unexpected and i came out in my shorts and i was fucking nervous cuz i knew where he kept the shotguns. then i witnessed the weirdest marriage discussion i've ever witnessed. but im not fucking saying because that's not my story, i was just in the middle, not believing my eyes and ears.

for many years i wanted to be a writer but i'm never gonna be a writer, i know. i just hate to gossip/ spill the beans/ "share". cuz most people... are jackals ha ha ha. and they will eat your soul. but seriously. even non-jackals will turn into jackals when prompted. a nice bunch of people will turn into a jackal horde at the drop of a hat. yes, like your batman movie. i have little faith in the human species. fucking apes! anyway... best luck with all that.

I share your distaste for the public confessional. I blame Oprah.

But I don't think that's what's going on. Just swapping stories about the tempest of insanity love can stir up. And since everyone has been swept up at one time or another, I don't anticipate any judging or shaming.

So, there was this one time a chick broke up with me and to get back at her I fucked a goat. What was I thinking? Made sense at the time, but I had been consuming a fuckton of angel dust.

See? No biggie. Everyone's been there, man.

i don't know what's wrong with you man. everyone knows sheep is softer.

I'm a big believer in self-improvement. I know I have shortcomings, but I do try and shed bad habits. I'm not always successful.

In short, learn from your mistakes and move on.

you could learn a lot from a bunny

been having massive ADD last couple of days

Ate you using ADD in the medical sense, or are you just saying you've been having trouble concentrating?

medical, but yeah having trouble concentrating is the problem itself. everything demands attention. any little piece of information is suddenly the most important thing in the universe. and your brain keeps hopping like a bunny (sorry dirty bunny-- not you).

i had a coach who helped, but i refused the amphetamines.

some days though (bad sleep, etc or whatever) it's really terrible.

my goddamn mind....

Clinical psychologists will tell you it's dangerous to use "ADD" as a synonym for "easily distracted," or "OCD" as a synonym for "clean." Undermines and downplays the severity of the condition.

I'm not a clinical psychologist, so I won't tell you that. And I know you weren't doing that, and that Symbols wasn't, but I wanted to interject something to distance myself from the confession booth.

Oh yah ok, I gotcha. I just didn't know what you meant. It wasn't clear to me that you were talking about priests breaking the seal. I was thinking militant Protestant reformation shit, like people being jailed or something for trying to confess? "No quick-stepping into heaven!!" Haha. See, I really just didn't know what you were saying. Sorry.



I'm pretty much in full agreement with you on this. You're right.

Not just the internet... though it's definitely the internet, and I'm guarded as fuck about certain things because I have been fucked wth before in a scary and serious way (as I think I've told you). But it's just life. People are untrustworthy. I live in a mostly-rural area for the first time ever, and it's even worse in these little places. You really have to watch your fucking ass, because people are bored and people are awful and they'll fuck with your life if you piss them off.

I've always wanted to be a writer too. Like, an author... but I'm too fucking private. I'd have todo it under an alias and not tell anyone I know.

Also, I think 12-step is culturally self-indulgent, self-congratulatory, restrictive, reductive, and potentially dangerous. When it comes to addiction issues at least. You're just arming people against you, and backing yourself into a corner when you buy into that shit completely. I've seen it mess a lot of people up. It also strikes me as scientifically unsound. It's like a social quarantine model for dealing with these complicated personal issues. Quarantines may help the people outside the bubble, but the disease just spreads and reproduces and evolves inside the bubble, and the people who are actually quarantined are usually fucked. (The "disease" analogy is incidental here. I personally think almost all addiction issues are a result of bad luck and obsessive compulsive tendencies. Bad luck being, like, getting into a car accident and needing morphine for a while. If someone has symptoms of an anxiety disorder like obsessive or compulsive thought/behavior, that morphine might become a problem really goddamn fast. Faster than it would for someone without those characteristics. But really, if you give ANYONE morphine every day for a week, they're going to have an issue when you take it away. I just think some people are primed biochemically to be shittier at dealing with the problem. I do not think addiction itself is a true "disease." But what do I know.)

Nah. I have no interest in pursuing 12-steppy shit.