yeah, i m sorry about that.
have you considered to cut stuff down and try and be the one who uses them and not the other way around?
i mean its hard. i reckon that for almost everything (including alcohol), the mood you are before takes the lead and defines the effect stuff will have on you. however, i thought coke is a lift up anyway.

as i have said many times, i was born for drugs, but because of how my mind works i m afraid and i am avoiding them.
i had coke offered to me for over a decade, before i started doing some.



during 2012 i did some, but i do it, in order to stop me from getting wasted with the booze. i havent really felt the wow i m god feeling it gives you, because i really have done very little everytime.
in the sense i had been using it, it can still get 'addictive.




oh yeah, i call it 'white little depression' and lol hadnt realized it, because the feeling was very similar to my ache and 'weight' i feel inside anyway.

hmmm come to think, i havent felt that for some time and i m telling you, it was an almost daily feeling. i must be doing smth right, dunno what it is. it could also be the melatinine that i have started taking before sleep.

oh and i m big yawning every time i hear a middle aged celebrity, or usually politician admitting he had smoked pot ONCE.
just dont say it dude.

how the fuck do you people even afford coke?? prices here are so ridiculous...


on another note, I have come to value melbourne's ample bin space, particularly in the central business district. in the suburbs, however, there is much to be desired.




bic atlantis is a glorious pen.



homer's work is shit, and he was a boring cunt.


here is a picture



I like richard serra

i didnt get into art school.
i went and saw the works of people who got in and my conclusion was that its not that hard (shame on me), but it needs a year of focused preparation on what is needed for the exams. the other 50% is a matter of pure confidence and good psychology during that week.

the good thing is that i had already rationalized it - i know i m good and i decided that i will keep painting and i will keep taking the exams as long as it interest me to do so.

That stinks Nefeli

I went to art school for 4 weeks and then decided to stop going and do oxycontin in the new free time i had instead. But that is all in the past now.

Just keep on painting no matter what. It is quite expensive though. No excuse though.

here the art school/uni is public, hence the exams.
but its expensive to get in as you have to go to preparation private 'schools' before. plus all the stuff you have to buy, tons of papers etc.
i think there are some private colleges but im not sure how focuses they are on painting or how good they are.


yeah painting is expensive as it is as well. i was like 20 mins staring at paints the other day, in order to decide which i need more -couldnt buy everything..:(

I am lucky I work in an art store so I get most things down to half price.

Where is "here" Nefeli?

i am sorry. if you were a dude i'd say "keep punching." don't know what to say but keep punching. or painting, actually. just keep at it.

so one day in grad school i am reading this book by gertrude stein. i didn't think it was up to snuff. so i tell my advisor i thought the book was a failure. why a failure he asks. because… bla bla bla, i tell him. he says, as long as you write what you want to write, do what you want to do, it's not a failure.

yeah.

so you have to work harder maybe to do what you want to do, and that seems exciting.

so i'll say congratulations, and you should celebrate.

i'm dead serious.

I was never someone who took drugs a lot but I enjoy them sometimes and these days because getting older/changes in social groups etc I'm not around them as frequently as I used to be, and it's made me think more about the situations I would take them in, if I do do them now I prefer earlier in the evening before I get drunk at home with 2 or 3 friends. Have been thinking about checking out those websites you can order drugs from to see what happens.

nah, it's that you're painting every day.

It took me an all-nighter on the stuff to really make me feel quite high, and even then it barely scratched the surface of the buzz I used to get in my pure Es phase. Same with ketamine, it doesn't seem to work for me. I haven't done any drugs in a long time anyway. Sometimes I get cravings for heroin, or something super strong though. It's really just a thought and it goes away quickly.

Have you considered the thought that instead of an unnaturally high tolerance, you merely have a shit dealer?

he is known in the streets as "mr. royal"

Never had any dealers. And I don't have an unnaturally high tolerance either, it's just that some drugs don't seem to do much for me.

pure uncut cocaine will have your heart racing and your face twiching in no time though.

whatever you took all night must have been something else.

The wild and even dangerous fluctuation in purity is why I stopped doing hard drugs years ago, the highs are fantastic albeit utterly self-destroying, but you can't trust even good people. You truly don't know what you're getting, even when you think you know, so I finally (after enough failure) learned my lesson, grew up, and now strictly pot/beer, and even with pot I ONLY acquire from sources I trust, folks grow pot with a lot of shit now. Cannabis as a plant may be naturally benign in regards to cancer, but all the additives/chemicals/pesticides used in many grow operations are not.

and don't forget mold. brrrrrrrr! micotoxins are fucking nasty.

can't wait till it's legal and regulated like beer.

Mold is more obvious to spot, the herbs smell like wet dog.


Personally, I'm not even remotely interested in such prospects. Did mainstream corporatization improve the quality or safety of tobacco? No, generally speaking, its been the opposite experience. We are in the era of Monsanto and Food, Inc. and I wouldn't want to toke their herbs.

Further, even with beer, there isn't total quality assurance, yeah the brewers and bottlers put out a good product, but the actual quality at the purchasing level depends on the retailer. I have been getting SO FUCKING PISSED at the amount of expired and flat beer I've been finding at just about EVERY place you buy beer, from mom and pop corner stores to huge-chain grocery stores. And what is worse is in California its against the Health and Safety codes, its a serious fine! I suspect the enforcement side has been lax in the recent years, it didn't used to be such a problem. I used to work as a merchandiser for a big distributor, a huge part of our job was to rotate to avoid expiration, because once the product is out of code, there are significant fines involved on the distributor. Anyway, I digress, but if pot was mass-marketed like beer, it would inevitably still depend on the retail side for quality assurance, much as is the case today albeit on the underground.

maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. who knows?:p:p:p

Yeah but how do you get that stuff outside of South America?