^ The parrots ate them all.

Theparrotsateemal.

The paracetamol.

He is just saying that in 1842 research was done to find that the jungle parrots squawke is so loud that it actually gives them a migrane, this migrane was driving the birds insane causing them to die and become a rare species. They decided they would drop special panadol covered in bird food from planes over the jungle. This worked for a short time and the parrots were eating it, but it had a negative affect causing the birds to completly die and become extinct

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please? I'm working on the building site across the road and I'm on my lunch break". Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. One day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!". "Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?"

why did princess diana cross the road?


momentum.

what was the last thing that went through princess diana's head?
the radio
why did hitler kill himself at the end of the war?
he got his gas bill

i could do more holocaust jokes, but they get a bit inappropriate...

haha.

this is THE best

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneeded a poo

One of my favourites, posting by sonicl a while ago:

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.

"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"

"40," replies the dog.

"How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"

"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."

me.

how many babies does it take to paint a house?

depends on how hard you throw them.

How can you tell if a red neck is on her period?









































































































































She's wearing one sock.

What do Jaguar's have that nothing else has?



















































Baby jaguar's.