I do love him, but I don't know what is going on. I think I am realizing we will not end up together, I mean next year I am moving away to go to a university. Also right now I feel my life is stagnant, like there is nothing going on. And everyone is having a blast except I. He is smart something I like in a guy, and makes me laugh, it is weird.

well maybe you're in 2 different phases of your lives and that's why. & you gotta have fun cos life is short. stuff happens, affections change, life goes on. i hope you guys can part in good terms. (sorry, sounds to me like it's ending anyway).

what's up w/ spring and crises? is it that it makes people horny? april is the cruelest month blah blah blah. but really.

Yeah I do feel like it is ending, I do think I am catching up to him because I know he already pictures us breaking up. This would have sadden me a while ago, but now it is just fact, and there is nothing i can do about it. We are in two different phases in our lives. He is ready to settle, I mean he is 32. I am just ready to live my life. Should I go on further or let id die now? I know I should figure that out myself.

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adios amigo...

i think you already know the answer, you're just looking for the way to do it.

hey my break is over. gotta get back to work. all weekend. im not shittin you.

Oh right then have a good one.

you're...dating...a 32... year... old?

Sayin'

already

Yeah, so what. There is nothing wrong. He is the one who feels weirded out about it. Because i am young. Whatever. You know how hard it is to find smart gay guys in L.A. Except this new guy I met who is making me question my relationship.

i... hope... he's...younger.

just sayin', im worried

The new guy? Yeah he is so fucking smart and he is eighteen turning nineteen. What four years younger. The new guy, has confessed and I have confessed that we have an attraction towards each other.

I need to snag a 32-year-old. A 42-year-old would be even better, but you have to start small I guess.

Lux older people are hotter and way better on sex.

I really don't think you being with a 32-year-old is a big deal, at all.

I know, that's what I think. But he actually does, especially when I talk about my friends. And some people like crypto.

Let it be known that I know absolutely nothing about staying in relationships. I can't even keep my friends close, let alone potential love interests. And just the idea of that turns me off, really. I don't like being tied to people so I rarely pursue relationships of any kind.

I guess if your guy really does want to settle down, that's a problem. Find another old man who doesn't want to shack up and you're good to go.

No it is not that lux, I just can't be with guys who are idiots. I have been with them all through my teenage years, and some of my adult life. When I used to be with as many as I could. The new guy just makes me feel different.

so, my girlfriend didnt dump me, hooray.
now i wont get disowned by my parents!

we had dinner tonight
said she wants to make things work
i told her it wasnt her fault and that if anything needed to be worked out, it was on my end
she asked if i needed to go to austin just to be sure that i was making the right decision(which seemed really sketchy)
i told her i wasnt going (but i still might go, just to hang out with my buddies)

called the girl from austin, told heri've been dating this girl for 2 years (which, she already knew)
told her she was rad and i wanted to be friends with her
she said that i gave her the wrong impression
which i did, and i apologized for that
i told her she was amazingly awesome and beautiful, but i just couldnt get myself to throw away my 2 year relationship
i apologized again, told her i wanted to get to know her better, hit up some concerts in austin, etc.etc.
also that i had a cab drive me to best buy to get both arcade fires albums(even though i already had both of them on my computer) cause i dug them so much
which made her laugh
thanked her again for the hanging out with me pretty much all weekend and for making me catch Arcade Fire's set
might be making the trip out to austin just for a night to catch a concert next weekend, if she wanted to come that'd be awesome, etc.

todays been a good day, id say.
im all out of sizzurup though...
oh well.
at least ill be able to drive tommorow.

you're an adult?

That's cool to hear crypto.