In L.A. they have whorehouses.

This one time, in the grocery store, I tried to tell the butcher I wanted the chops called "American Cuts," only it came out as "American Cunts." I was embarrassed.

At your old age, you should not be embarrassed.

Jane Schaffer. Have you people heard this crap? We have to start writing nice little "Jane Schaffer" paragraphs for all subjects, math and science included. It is beyond idiotic. My math teacher had the sense to throw the Jane Schaffer poster away.

No who is she? I would google, but that is too much effort.

True. In those situations, I just try to thing of what Larry David would do. In fact, I'm making a bracelet marked "WWLDD" to help guide me in my times of need.

The person who came up with this writing structure, format, program, whatever that is supposed to help.

A Schaffer paragraph goes something like this.

T (Topic Sentence)
CD (Concrete Detail)
CM (Commentary)
CD
CM
SC (Concluding Sentence)

But it has spread like a cancer beyond English to all subjects, and all the teachers are required to have some Jane Schaffer program training. She is the Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter character) of the real world.

Oh that is what we did in English class.

Them English teachers doesn't know nothing.

Yeah, and that is where it belongs. In an English class. We shouldn't have to write paragraphs explaining how to factor cubic equations, or how silver nitrate reacts with copper. At least not in that formal format.

That would drive me nuts.

My Speech/debate coach (my English teacher last year) is cool. He got his copy of Inland Empire and Catching the Big Fish signed by David Lynch. He's just about the only person in that whole school of 3,700 kids that I can talk to about anything interesting.

Write a letter to the school board. Only make sure you follow the Schaffer format.

In college you are going to write essays, for History, Science, and so many other classes. Better get used to it.

There is a color code for teaching it. I think most of the teachers don't like doing it, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Well, no shit. I do that now. But we write little paragraphs that ultimately don't help anyone understand anything any better than without it. Pretty much all essays are in the Jane Schaffer format, but now it isn't just essays. It is specific little assignments specifically to practice the format.

God, that kind of bullshit just makes me want to rebel. I'd write an a letter-perfect paper following the format, then I'd cut it into strips and randomnly paste it back together, then turn that in and tell the teacher you're using the Schaffer-Burroughs format.

They just want to see how well you follow directions. Like, anyone who who would ever become a decent writer wouldn't delete this garbage from their brain.

btw, all this school crap you're worried about, it may seem bad and stressful and scary. Trust me, it could be much, much worse.