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-   -   could you be with someone even though you thought their friends were horrible? (http://www.sonicyouth.com/gossip/showthread.php?t=38090)

knox 02.10.2010 04:33 PM
i guess my point is if you continue insisting she should end this friendship you're the one who'll come across as a manipulative bastard.

knox 02.10.2010 04:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous
yes it did. you know you want me.

oh, i want you
to

SuchFriendsAreDangerous 02.10.2010 04:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by knox
i guess my point is if you continue insisting she should end this friendship you're the one who'll come across as a manipulative bastard.

my sentiments exactly.

Derek 02.10.2010 04:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefeli
well, this in general makes sense.
your friends, the real ones, will be always (? -this is always for debate) by your side and its a different kind of relationship, whereas a couple 's relationship..well you dont know the other as well and as long as your friends, its common to have your heart broken and who will comfort you if you have dissed all your friends for your relationship'sake.., it is competitive at the begging..overall it needs time aswell to evolve and be pure.


how old are you guys?

when you are young and just starting, you have your friends, when you get into your first serious relationship, you get a feeling and a different view of your friends.
does this make sense, as i wrote it?
anyway, ignore this. it was slightly irrelevant.

oh man, i cant be brief!

the fact that this other girl is mean and lies its unacceptable.
you cant do much i m afraid.
say where you stand to your gf and then let it go. if you 2 start wasting your time on the 3rd part, it wont do you any good.

here. i was 2 the point. tried at least.
We are both nearly 17, and this is both our first relationships that's lasted more than a month or whatever. And I understand the importance of her having friends.. but she also abides by this one friend and says she's "lonely" and it's her only resort. And even though I've told her to hang out with the people she talks to, she makes up lame excuses not to.

Quote:
and also, you'd be surprised. maybe your gf has made a complaints about you to her friend (something she never mentioned to you) or used you as an excuse which would cause this friend to have a distorted perception of you?
Yes, at the start of our relationship there was some drama and this friend is what she used to comfort herself. And that is a part of the problem, this friend has only seen a bad side to our relationship (and a part of the relationship that happened months ago) and has not heard of any of the good things. I've told her friend this though and she doesn't believe me.

SuchFriendsAreDangerous 02.10.2010 04:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Derek
We are both nearly 17, and this is both our first relationships that's lasted more than a month or whatever. And I understand the importance of her having friends.. but she also abides by this one friend and says she's "lonely" and it's her only resort. And even though I've told her to hang out with the people she talks to, she makes up lame excuses not to.

Yes, at the start of our relationship there was some drama and this friend is what she used to comfort herself. And that is a part of the problem, this friend has only seen a bad side to our relationship (and a part of the relationship that happened months ago) and has not heard of any of the good things. I've told her friend this though and she doesn't believe me.


(collective sigh from the older SYG crowd)

ohh my poor young friend. women take a long time to evolve from young girls to women, and in the process, they change completely. Unless you can roll with the punches, yr in for a head and heart ache

knox 02.10.2010 05:13 PM
don't listen to suchfriends it's sexist blah.
you're both quite young, so problems will appear and you'll need to adjust and learn from them.
as for the friend, like you said, she heard the bad side, god knows what was said, she can't really believe you, as her main concern is her friend and her wellbeing and it can be very bias like that.
only time will teach her to see you in a different light, maybe you should try and keep your mind open too. im sure if you give it time everything will be alright.

Norma J 02.10.2010 05:32 PM
Your name wouldn't be Spencer and Heidi by any chance? And her friends name is Lauren?

;)

phoenix 02.11.2010 10:53 AM
you cannot really win any argument you would start over the issue. Let it run its course. Sadly or otherwise, she will either let it ruin yr relationship, or not. I have mixed feelings on whether or not a partners opinion counts in 'friend' making, because it can be difficult to get the message across to either and it is hard to know truely how the other person sees them.. honestly, i've always tried to be very blunt about my intolerance of bs starting to either friends or partners if they happen to say anything offensive. If yr other half is
unable to do that, it is something yot need to deal with or move on. Neither of them will probably change, the best i'd hope for is that the friend does get bored with trashing yot out and finds something else to do. You'll never win by telling your girlfriend that her friend is idiotic. It doesn't work that way. Keep yr mouth shut, but make it clear you dislike the behaviour. *shrug*

phoenix 02.11.2010 10:58 AM
and yes i've been with someone who's friends i disliked. Mostly because his friends were also 'multitasking pussay', or openly knew about what was going on.. Which made of uncomfortable around them and dislike them, based on their character.

phoenix 02.11.2010 10:59 AM
but.. Jeez, everyone has stupid friends. You aren't dating the friends.. So, it shouldn't matter, too much.

wellcharge 02.11.2010 12:21 PM
listen to knox and nefeli,also maybe pull a suchfriends and get some gangster friends that she will hate

but you sound like you're going to have her tied up in the basement in no time man, the idea of her friend being in her life longer than you had,seems pretty much spot on. honestly any girl who would ditch her best fucking friend for some dude she's been with "more than a month" doesn't seem trustworthy to me, you keep bringing up this stuff about how considerate you are and everything, i get the feeling you feel like you can't be wrong but the thing is....

girlfriend=right, you=not

knox 02.11.2010 12:25 PM
yeah i put up with friends for a lifetime even when they are cunting about and i would never consider getting rid of them, who does that? unless they do something really awful, which in my case equals driving you to a festival than leaving with the boyfriend and leaving your friends behind to get rides with potential rapists.

wellcharge 02.11.2010 12:29 PM
i bet you piss them off sometimes and they don't cut you off? i mean wouldn't you be mad if somebody's boyfriend was like "yeah that knox is really horrible you should hang out with people you talk to on the net instead"

Derek 02.11.2010 12:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wellcharge
listen to knox and nefeli,also maybe pull a suchfriends and get some gangster friends that she will hate

but you sound like you're going to have her tied up in the basement in no time man, the idea of her friend being in her life longer than you had,seems pretty much spot on. honestly any girl who would ditch her best fucking friend for some dude she's been with "more than a month" doesn't seem trustworthy to me, you keep bringing up this stuff about how considerate you are and everything, i get the feeling you feel like you can't be wrong but the thing is....

girlfriend=right, you=not
Eh? We've been going out nearly a year! And throughout the year, this friend has barely seen her or spoke to her and the only things happening between them is dramatic shit.

wellcharge 02.11.2010 12:50 PM
you never mentioned, the amount of time, not that it's relevant

and this is both our first relationships that's lasted more than a month or whatever

that's what i saw you write,but again,not relevant. it sounds like she's made it clear she's not willing to stop spending time with this girl, the only thing you can really do is tell her what you think about the situation, if you push the issue too far you're being controlling

automatic bzooty 02.11.2010 12:53 PM
aw man, i've been in that position. the bitchy friend of the girlfriend position. feeling some seeeerious retroactive guilt now. thanks syg!

Derek 02.11.2010 01:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wellcharge
you never mentioned, the amount of time, not that it's relevant

and this is both our first relationships that's lasted more than a month or whatever

that's what i saw you write,but again,not relevant. it sounds like she's made it clear she's not willing to stop spending time with this girl, the only thing you can really do is tell her what you think about the situation, if you push the issue too far you're being controlling
I said somewhere it was a year I'm positive. And I said that because this is the first relationship we've both been in that's lasted more than a month, I didn't mean we had only been together a month! In fact, her friend and I were on good terms when we started going out and the friend just slowly turned.

But yeah like I said, I'll just need to keep my mouth shut for the time being.

chicka 02.11.2010 01:42 PM
First off the other girl is scared shit that she's going to loose her best friend to another person - YOU. So she tries to manipulate your girlfriend probably by putting your girlfriend in state of guilt. If you're really in a strong relationship why worry about a jealous bitch. Why let her rob you of your serenity. Be a man and let it go, start scratching your nuts, switching the channel to sports, call for a pizza, have a beer. Your gf will love you all the more for it. Stop cryin like a Bitch. As for the money thing, I have no problems with you gf forgiving her friend. If it's a true friendship then it can survive something like lost money (within reason) and not end.

Genteel Death 02.11.2010 02:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefeli
well, this in general makes sense.
your friends, the real ones, will be always (? -this is always for debate) by your side and its a different kind of relationship, whereas a couple 's relationship..well you dont know the other as well and as long as your friends, its common to have your heart broken and who will comfort you if you have dissed all your friends for your relationship'sake.., it is competitive at the begging..overall it needs time aswell to evolve and be pure.


how old are you guys?

when you are young and just starting, you have your friends, when you get into your first serious relationship, you get a feeling and a different view of your friends.
does this make sense, as i wrote it?
anyway, ignore this. it was slightly irrelevant.

oh man, i cant be brief!

the fact that this other girl is mean and lies its unacceptable.
you cant do much i m afraid.
say where you stand to your gf and then let it go. if you 2 start wasting your time on the 3rd part, it wont do you any good.

here. i was 2 the point. tried at least.
Very sensible reply.
Once you laid the cards on the table, just concentrate on where you and your girlfriend are heading to. If it's something that is strong enough to allow you to trust her judgement when it comes to make a clear distinction between what you share with her and her long term friendships, then this intrusion shouldn't feel like too much of a burden. If you don't like your girlfriend's best friend for whatever reason you listed on this thread, it still shouldn't be your duty to advice her to dump her or find herself better people to hang with. In short, step back and consider their history as mates, but place the wedge firmly and in a civil manner when it puts unneccessary stress on the daily relationship with your girl.

knox 02.11.2010 03:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wellcharge
i bet you piss them off sometimes and they don't cut you off? i mean wouldn't you be mad if somebody's boyfriend was like "yeah that knox is really horrible you should hang out with people you talk to on the net instead"

they do, they have. my best friend had that problem with his ex boyfriend. the man hated me more than anything, but we never stopped seeing each other.


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