Talking of no-talent pop stars, did you see that woman from Steps on Masterchef? Fat Claire I think her name is.

No fucking way! Claire from Steps was lovely back in the day. That's just downright depressing that is.

She was never in the same league as Roberts, but still. That's a big shame.

She certainly was:


I kind of admire her though because she's proper fat. I mean really fat. Not just gossip mag fat, but really......well, fat.

One of these listens to Boris, the other is a right Doris.

Haha! Brilliant! We're off to a great start.

Yeah, that's how i remember her.

Yeah, there's 'fat for a celebrity' and then there's just 'fat'. Claire is just 'fat' now. Good on her i say. She'll be popping up in Icelands adverts before you can say pollards knickers.

Is that Bonnie Langford on the left?

hahaha! She really is fat.

You just woudn't even look twice at the one on the right.

No. It isn't. But more to the point. who is that in your avatar?

Quite, just the sort you see in an All Bar One getting pissed with her mates while the one on the left is checking out Mascis' pedals at a Witch gig.

Claire's boyfriend looks super gay. Reminds me a bit of Linda Lusardi's hubby. I mean what's the story their? For fucks sake!

I don't know All Bar One but I imagine it's a meat factory in the same vein as, say, Oceana. My knowledge of underground rock is poor to say the least but I'm still enjoying these references and I imagine Nicola would too.

All Bar One is a shitty chain of pubs for city types.

I don't know who these plebs are nor do I want to. Nicola is of aristocratic nature if not by birth.

ewww!

Like Wetherspoons but worse?

Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud Girls Aloud

That should get her attention.

A pretensious Wetherspoons, yeah.

The leather jacket just tells you she owns some Iggy vinyls.

Wow, that sounds like something to experience.

That's that brain dead creature from big brother isn't it?

Shit. Look at the second google result for Nicola Roberts Sonic Youth:

" Still Remains Strapping Young Lad The Strokes Sugababes Sway System Of A Down .... No I as implying Nicola Roberts was untalented actually."

How dare they. I'm going to get a myspace just so I can harangue them.

It's probably Sarah Harding's ghosted MySpace. She's so against letting Roberts' Sonic Life to flourish. Give her up Harding. She belongs with us. with friends.



(do excuse my succumbing to the urge to show a harding nipple there)

i bet miley is a secret goth or something, like she loves the cure and joy division* but she's afraid her fans might not know she's not all giggles and smiles all day long.



*noting of course that she's 15 and hardcore goth at that age is guys in black singing about long distance relationships; give her a year and she'll start debating my dying bride with or without the violin.

Yeah. Hard to imagine her listening to Trees Outside the Academy. Especially when you know Roberts has the vinyl edition.

I've seen so many tumble when faced with that all important violin issue.

You know Miss Roberts wouldn't do such a thing as show her nipple in public. She has self respect and grace. When she shows you her nipple you know she means it......

I was wondering when somebody was going to ask that.

It says it's Pookie's avatar. That satisfies me.

Imagine the feedback roar behind her.

it's a toughie.

Hello!

Any news on the adorable Roberts Sonic Life? While the Girls-Aloud-Married-to-Cole is farting around on the X Factor, my guess is that the mighty Nicola is fucking around in private with some musique concrete.

I look forward to her Xenakis tribute CD (the backing I believe is being provided by a certain Mister Glice).

Concréte is so last century. I mean, Parmegiani is practically pop nowadays. We're working on a lower-case reductionist/ spectralist revival fusion record. It's going to be Astral.

Give her time. That's all I'm saying. the Yoko of the 21st Century is ginger and talks like Cilla Black. The revolution will not be televised.