I'm starting to lose my motivation for basically anything. Why am I doing things? I tend to drift away and think about something irrelevant more often lately.

I listened to Cerberus Shoal.

not really, i use to work w/ her at my last job, and we bumped into each other at a bar one nite. now were banging. and it's daaaaaaamn good. man i love older women!

She doesn't make you listen to Billy Joel or Bob Seger while you do it though, does she?

I'm waiting for these guys to finish building the new coffee place where the starbucks once was so that I could interview for the job.

fruit.

Damn Adam you have too much spare time.

Hahaha. I wish.

I had just gotten off of work and typed all that shit in like 15 minutes. I type really fast. (insert joke) (even though I've been using computers for 13 years)

Haha, I get bored with typing after 5 sentences.

I'm with you on this one. Trying to manage two jobs and three contracts now, and struggling to get the bills paid living downtown and working for minimum.

Regarding strangeness, I smoked hash a month and a half ago and my ears started ringing. So I went to bed hoping it would go away, and I still have t now. It's completely bizarre, I still have it now. I called 8-1-1 finally after a while, and they were concerned it was an acoustic neuroma. I went to the Doctor, had an anxiety attack, and the doctor thought I might be schizophrenic, so I was sent to a psychiatrist. We talked, and he concluded I just have high sensitivity to marijuana, and that I should "breathe deeply" to get rid of the ringing, which certainly did nothing to help. Weed doesn't even cause tinnitus, it's odd.

If you take a close look, in the center of the page ia an announcement of their new location. Last night was great, they're closed on Mondays, it was so quiet, I actually got right to sleep for a change.

In the last Ken Bruen/Jason Starr novel the bad guy hides out basically in my apartment.

Today is fuckign strange. The boozehounds are already getting loaded at McSorley's when I walked past at 8:30 am. The cops are on the streets with their big machine guns and the motorcycle cops are dressed in black leather chaps and jack boots they look like nazis or leatherboys right out of Tom of Finland. It'll be ugly later today with all the drunks stumbling around vomiting at will.

took this little one from the cat and brought it somewhere safe. people looked at me funny when i was walking around on the street without a coat and with a mouse in my hand.

i named him edgar. he tried to crawl up my sleeve when i wanted to set him free.

you're a sweetie, but edgar is a disease vector. :(

http://www.pested.msu.edu/Resources/...8HouseMice.pdf

now you'll have to soak your hands in kerosene for 12 hours straight! :eek:

(ha ha, no-- but i hope you washed well)

of course i washed my hands. i always do when handling an animal i dont know...

still, you're brave. i wouldn't touch it with my bare hands. he's cute and all but i'd get the willies in a huge way.

haha i'm not really scared of getting sick from animals. been 'saving' young birds for as long as i can remember (of course, it never works to take are of a baby bird who fell out of the nest, definitely not when you're six years old)

once i found a baby bat, it had fallen down and wasn't strong enough to climb back up. i rubbed my hands with lavender to mask the human smell, picked it up and fed it some milk with a q-tip. then we put it back at the wall and it climbed right back up :P

The worst part about being unemployed is how if an employer doesn't chose to hire you, they don't bother to recognize your existence enough to inform you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

i had a gossip girl party last night at my place.

Here we go again...

I tried to sleep without smoking any pot mon/tue/wed and it was horrifying. My restless leg syndrome nearly drove me to suicide when I was a youth, but since I was smoking I have practically forgotten how severely disabling it can be sometimes..

No sleep to speak of those three days.. just mind destroying awakeness with rhythmic pulsations running down my legs uncontrollably causing them to twist and turn and twitch until sunrise.. the worst is the bits of teasing sleep with no REM that I managed to get. It is bizarre for me to live without dreaming at night let alone not sleeping!

needless to say I came to my senses on Thursday night and smoked some fucking herb.. slept like a baby with marvelously vivid dreams :)

my friends are naming their baby ziggy stardust [mom's lastname] [dad's lastname].

...actually two of my closest friends from college are both pregnant. and they both live in la. i haven't seen either of them in a while. i lived with all four of them in both couples and a handful of other people for years. i was the first one of all my friends to get married and now i'm single again and they're all having kids...

In a couple weeks, I'm catching a ride east with no particular goals in mind.

I have vertigo. 3 weeks now.

I haven't read anything in book in almost two weeks. For a person that usually averages 2 novels a week, that's odd.

sort of a kerouac in reverse kind of deal?

I should have graduated high school last weekend. Instead, I'm coming back for another trimester next year. And I'm taking a summer class. Most of my friends are going off to college, or just starting their real lives 'n' shit, and I'm in this... like... stagnant state.

Everyone around me gives me shit for staying, though. (that's the weird part, i guess.) At least I'm doing something about that particular fuckup - I mean, I could've dropped out. I tried as hard as I fucking well could this year, and it was all still a massive waste of time - I could have done nothing and got just as much out of it, really.

cheating on my girlfriend

^^ shame on ya.

i know, thats why its weird. it just kinda happened with this other girl. we are polar opposites from each otherr, whil my gf and i are into the same stuff. the opposite chick is just extremely experimental in bed and stupidly attracted to me. dont ask how it happened cause i don't know. yes i should be ashamed, i should care, it should bother me more and i guess thats the part that bothers me most, the not caring.

i think if i were married then this wouldn't be happening.

so......
how did that happen?

I some how knew this would happen......

This women doesn't work with me but we sometimes cross paths for business. So one day she tells me this story about some guy she used to date and how she loved him and all this and then how he moved and left her.....she then gets into all this stuff about me looking a lot like him and even reminding her of him through my personality and what not. i think mothing of it cause i have talked with this girl a total of 3 hours in my life. time goes by i don't see her and then i run into her after i show at a bar. she starts whispering all this real freaky shit into my ear WHILE my GF is next to me talking with her friends. I told her about my being involved and brushed her off, but in my mind I was thinking about what she told me which ranged from candles, flexibility, nudity, champagne and all night plus discretion. i chalked her up as a psycho and let it go, plus she told me she was also seeing someone so..whatever.

more time passes

after a lunch conference with her work, she follows me into the mens room and sucks me off.

she was good, and we've '' ran into '' each other about six times in a month since then.

so you've done it MULTIPLE TIMES?????

I hate to sound like a total asshole, which i know I am but, I'm not married, I don't live with my GF and I'm not in love with her. We're friends that hang out and have fun with each other, trust me she feels the same. Now, does that excuse the cheating? No. Does make it a lot easier to reason it out? Yes.

The ways I see it is like this: I love women and sex and passion and all these things, and if one woman who I am not completely in love and devoted to doesn't want or can't accomodate me, well im not going to actively seek someone else out, BUT if this really gorgeous woman has a total desire to fuck me over and over again and we both know that we are not each others type and stand no chance for love, well I'm a man and she's a woman, this is a natural thing. the sex is just sex something extra.

I would feel far worse if i loved my GF and was falling in love with another woman. the truth is nothing has developed on that level between me and my gf, after i tell her the situation, she will either be cool with it and perhaps join or be upset and hang out with someone else.

why dont you break up with the girl that you dont really care about?

^ yeah, really.

Because then imagine that guy's story if he had. No drama. I hear people are lighting themselves on fire again. Even treasure trolls.

i beat my arachnophobia by french kissing a tarantula. we're now going steady. lucky she's not a black widow I suppose.

Im not sure ive gone through a period in my life where ive spoken to other people less.

Is that a direct metaphor or just highly poetic BS? I'm curious because the former would play interestingly with our PM discussions about being in relationships with sex workers.

Actually his 1947 route is mostly the one I'll be taking, though it is LA to Saint Louis, MO and back. Not all the way to the East coast.

Will be leaving early Wednesday.