Originally Posted by atsonicpark
You know, I've been posting in this board for ... uh ... well, since before this board was this board and around the time the old board was the new board. So, how many years is that? Like, 7? Jesus.
Well, supposedly, your body completely changes every 7 years. Well, I've heard that a lot, in movies. I'm sure someone knows, scientifically, what I'm referring to. I'm too lazy to look it up.
Anyway, I've realized a few things this week, after months of the most stressful time in my life. And, no, certain situations in my life haven't improved, but whatever. They will eventually. Anyway:
1) I seriously need to re-evaluate my priorities in life... My friendships, what I spend my time doing, what I waste my energy on.
2) I randomly looked back on a few of my old posts and cringed. Like all that MM hating back in the day. Man, what was wrong with me? I am not a fan of their music really, but you know, they seem like okay people, they work hard, enjoy what they're doing, you know.. whatever. I never personally meant to insult them as people. I wrote them and apologized, actually, a while back, because I felt bad, but I feel even worse now, because I shouldn't waste so much time on negativity, in any way. I think my approach to things like that needs to change. Not that I won't be rude and sarcastic and bitter and such in posts.... But sometimes it's best not to say anything. I shouldn't feel the need to voice my opinion about EVERYTHING. Anyway, to any bands who have stumbled across my rants on this board, well, I apologize if you took anything I said personally, but then again you should know that criticism is fun!
3) I have realized that the things that have made me happy for years don't really make me happy anymore. I have seen just about every movie I've ever had any interest in seeing, and all the other movies I want to see are just imitations of better films I've already seen. Music is still pretty cool, but very little of it wows me; when you try to seek out the weirdest, most "avant garde" shit ever for a long time... well, I don't think there's an adequate second part of that sentence, but let me just say most of my listening for the past 3 months has been ambient records, drone records, and solo acoustic guitar records. I just can't get into a lot of that spazzy, 6436346 time changes per second stuff anymore. Not that I don't love complexity, but jesus.. I dunno. Also, I pretty much stopped playing video games!
4) I have decided I need to become a more SPIRITUAL person. People will inevitably question how I could believe in God, but I do believe. I don't believe in religion... well, I like the idea of religion to an extent, but I don't really side up with any religion in particular. I will just say that I feel like the hand of God has touched me and showed me many things. And no that isn't a drug reference...........
5) .....because I am going to give up every drug I have been doing. Which admittingly isn't much, I've experimented with a few things, but I'm done with all of it. Okay, okay, I'll take some codeine every once in a while if I feel bad (I do have back problems)... but I don't "need" to take it to be happy.
6) I think I'm going to try to eliminate every negative energy in my life. I'm going to ATTEMPT to quit cursing, to an extent. I mean, okay, in the heat of passionate sex, I may scream "oh fuck! Oh goddamn!" but nearly every other time I use such words, it's because I'm angry or expressing negativity. I want to erase that. I don't see anything wrong with those words, I just don't need to be so negative. I can express myself without saying "this fucking dicksucking bullshit sucks a fucking dick that has shit on it from where it fucked an ass." Anyway, this will be the hardest thing to accomplish.
7) I enjoy some of the music I make, but I realized years ago it'll never be successful. Not because there isn't a market for it; there certainly is, but I've had a few "big" releases where I really got my hopes up... and ultimately they don't mean shi.. Oops. Ultimately, they don't mean anything. I am glad people like what I do, and I am happier that some people LOVE what I do, and I'm going to make music to some extent for the rest of my life, but I don't really have the energy at the moment to promote my work, trying to shove it down people's throats.. and I certainly don't want to try to SELL my work.. which, I've always been very generous with free downloads, but at the same time I know that pisses off or would piss off labels that will or would or may put out my work. Sooo... maybe I should just self-release everything and put everything up for free? I mean, who cares. I dunno.
I want to sell just about everything I own except for my guitar and some of my clothes and some of my movies. I don't want to be tied down to any thing or any place. I want to go in the woods more. But the ticks and snakes scare me. That is all.
|
