twats are inflammable.

Now the thing with that pic, is that it's got maybe the arch Twat of post-The Word TV in it. Vernon Kay. There are days when I'd be prepared to do time for that twat. I'll bet he puts 'Northerner' on his passport in the occupation section. And his wife's just a slightly slaggier version of Cat Deeley too. Twats.

This is a local newsreader - I'd be surprised if many of you know who he is, but I'd be surprised if you didn't think he was a twat. Because he is. Oh yes.



"I'm fucking amazing at cricket" Yes, yes you are - you twat!



"Maybe if I play snooker no-one will notice I'm a twat". Unlucky, y'twat!



"Just look into our eyes and you will know the secret of twat" No thanks, you fretless six-string bass wielding, shit jam-band twathorses!

Nah, can't say anything bad about my aryan brother there. Well, other than the fact that he's a twat i suppose.

twats not only can write and sing retarded love songs, they do it in the most irritable voice possible with the most smug, hit-me-with-a-steelpole face possible.



"twat needed to direct a boring epic movie, with the possibility of turning it into a trilogy? i'm your man!"



"twat needed to direct a predictable and pretentious student film to be released by hollywood? i'm your man!"

king and queen of TWAT

actually make that queen and queen of twat.

"My name's Danny Baker, and I'm a reason why the rest of England tends to think of Londoners as twats."

i love burzum but you'd be hard pressed to find a twat that big, especially one who takes such big efforts into being a twat.

"i can't try any harder to be a more bland, agreeable twat, really!"

"any twat can open their mouths and be cunts to everybody, and lord knows i do it more than most people, but how many can extend their twatness to guitar soloing? nobody! that's who...what are you looking at? are you retarded, you ugly fuck?"

"I made Jungle acceptable to Smashing Pumpkins fans by spouting bollocks in the Guardian and producing one of the most over-rated coffee table albums since that one by that Paris St Germaine geezah." Cheers Roni, or should I say Twat!

I can't have that. Not Dave.

"me? ripoff? if you don't know, neither yamatsuka eye nor john zorn are twats and i am, a big one"

Talking of drum 'n' bass twats, here's Alex Reece:

frankie from the bjm is the biggest fucking twat ever.
i miss jeff.

His wrist is too thick for that to look cool.

"Hello there. My name is Simon Reynolds and I have a habit of intellectualising cool shit so that it can be more easily digested by twats like me. Oh, and before I forget, 'rhizome'."