Thanks Atari. I'll check out the youtube thang tomorrow at my government sponsored "Work 4 the Dole" project I gotta do twice a week. An obscene waste of time but at least I can surf the net and check stuff out.

My computer at home can't do youtube. No wonder I got tha blues!!!

And yeah... best wishes to you and Cantankerous and others trying to work stuff out.

I might have to suss out this exercise idea. Exercise could be the answer. Anything apart from religion....

have any of you ever heard of thomas sasz? he's porffessor of psychiatry at new york university. you should check out hismanifesto.

i like anybody who has a manifesto, really

and obviously, porfessor was a typo. i can spell proofecior

ugh. that's sad.

leave me alone, i invited him over and we had a slumber party and i said sorry


mentally i feel a bit better, certainly much more sane. actually i don't know why i was acting so silly.
but physically i'm doing terribly, even worse than yesterday...i'm too weak in the hands to use a lighter or squeeze the toothpaste out and it takes a minute to get up out of bed. and i have a fever and it hurts in my ears to swallow.

you're depressed honey.

been there, etc. know what you're going through.

you have to make the effort, go out more, keep busy and focus on goals.

this illness is unrelated though, i have an actual infection. my lymph nodes are swollen out to mars.
and seeing that it takes me at least two or three minutes to actually get out of bed i dont think ill be going anywhere anytime soon.

i believe you, it is a physical thing you have, but besides that you're in depression and that doesn't help your disease.

DISEASE!
ahaha

at least you're laughing now...

my sig is for you

thanks darling!

cankers-- go see a docteur. you probably need a shot of vitamin b also. your "partying" (i'm using the verb in the jerry springer sense) has got you poisoned. that shit is not recreational anymore-- it's just a big fucking load of pain.

i've been hammering this over your head for a while now but shit, you have to take care of yourself first, get your body detoxed and repaired, and your mind somewhat put together before you try to please people and put on public appearances. come clean about your motherfucking problem and recruit the help of friends and family. you can't you can't you can't you fucking can't do this all on your own.

but bitch, you gotta take the first mothefucking step and notify people. grow some balls and DO IT. come on already.

i already quit drinking, kiss my ass. i'm doing it on my own time. i'm in a lot of fucking physical pain right now due to this illness, ffs even my FEET hurt, and i can't handle any more than this.

LOL @ wrongdiagnosis

apparently i got the aids.

no i think i have strep throat. icky. im gonna go look for white patches.

edit: AND SURE ENOUGH! there they are!
well all my problems are solved now (jk of course)

ha, i know youre doing it in your own time-- nobody can make you. i just like to hammer my point cos like you mentioned above somewhere you have problems with "reality" & i like to remind you what that shit is ha ha-- think of me as a well-intentioned PEST.

well reality right now is that i have the worst strep throat ever because i shared like three cigs with my best friend the other day who has strep throat but is on antibiotics. so she shouldnt be contagious or anything but like i'm the unluckiest little shit in the world.

You stop being contagious 24 hours after you start taking the meds. My friend is queen of getting things like strep, I never get it though for some reason.

who the fuck gets strep throat in summer? (or ever). go eat some fresh fruit, you're malnourished.

when i think about it, we should collect some funds and send you to a bootcamp with suchfriends-- you'd come out stoned out of your gourd but you'd be lots healthier.

i have not had strep throat in nine years. this is only the 2nd time ever having it.
i'm going to start smoking a lot of pot/hash again and i'm gonna stop eating meat too (i honestly don't think i'll miss it). not eggs or cheese/milk because i do need protein and calcium and stuff like anyone does.

suchfriends bootcamp! suchfriends bootcamp!

ha ha ha.

btw since you mention quitting meat i've turned a weekday vegan recently
-- but on weekends i gotta eat some seafood or i'll go nuts. i can quit fish even, but seafood? lunacy...

You'll miss it a tad the first month, after that it's easy as pie.
I haven't eaten meat purposely in 4 years.
Smoking pot and hash does you good too, I recommend it ;)

i hate fish and seafood.

FUCK i'm not going to stop eating meat. that means no more steak fajitas! (not the taco bell variety, the REAL variety.)

ok i'm gonna stop except for steak fajitas.

if i decide i need a drug therapy, i'd take mushrooms and trip, you know, psychedelic vacations. be back in a week or so without moving at all.

i honestly don't want to take acid or shrooms ever again. or drink. the thought of both is just nauseating

you need a peyote ceremony & wake up from the hard drugs--

that and a kick in the ass.

oh, and a month in suchfriends bootcamp!!!! :D

spewing nonsense about something you're not and listening to boreawful music?

you want to ruin cantanky's life?

for shame...

i don't need to go to suchfriends suburban white boy rastafarian bootcamp.

i used to be the biggest pothead in the world. then the focus shifted?
but i can easily get back into that habit no problem.

naaaaah

i dont deny suchfriends is a little wackadoodle but he's got depths

and he's got a prophetic streak

it wouldn't hurt cankers to eat fresh fruits every morning & drop the toxic lifestyle-- a weed habit might be easier to kick afterwards.

oh by the way !@£$%! im drinking cranberry/pomegranate juice (dont worry its the no sugar added kind)
i don't have any fruit

well i have some grapes but i can't swallow those cuz it hurts too much

i guess...

just send her with rope tied to the other end so she doesn't get lost in that world.

yeah, healthier lifestyle; and doing something productive too.

what you mean like a job?
hahahaha. sure.

bitch i got a lovely pineapple today and ripe mangos and strawberries and medjool dates and tons of bananas and packham pears and little round watermelons and a cantaloupe and you know what we had for dinner? young coconut-- i hacked it with my meat cleaver, we drank the juice & ate the insides. ooooooh sweeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. the pleasures of fresh fruit are too many to enumerate. too fuckign many.

anyway im done cooking for tonight (ive been prepping stuff for the week) so i should be leaving soon. gotta make me some babies ha ha ha ha. ok that was crass. i admit.

cankers-- take care of yourself girl. i fucking mean it. learn the enjoy the pleasures of good health. they are delicioucioucioucioucioucious.

nah, something that's productive to you.

job or no job, it adds a lot to your life to feel useful. i SWEAH.

well goodnights to you guys. gotta go get me some knee blisters.

ha ha ha ha ha.

im sorry. not sure what's got into me today. too much sun maybe.

gotta go, good nights.

- i love pineapple
- i hate strawberries, raisins, coconut, bananas, watermelon, pear
- mango is ok

the biggest problem i have with most fruit is the texture. like oranges. they taste delicious but the texture makes me gag.


OW my cat just decided to lay on me
he's the heaviest out of them all too! like 20 lbs

fuck no get off me you little bastard. i love you but that hurts too much.

i will be making music asap

About this time last year i was very much on the brink, and calling The Samaritans was very important for me not going over said brink.

If one is having such feelings, i direct one towards The Samaritans. Thats their job, they will talk to you before you fuck yourself up.

i'm fine now (except for physical illness, btw i DO NOT have strep throat idk what it is, the stupid bastards told me to take advil and fuck them)

i don't need to go to a psychiatrist, i was being a stupid cow and it's done and over and i'm moving on

hi.