"man, I remember when a dime bag cost a dime dig?"

hahahah!

I know, thats exactly what I was thinking!

I have been smoking pot every day for nearly ten years now, I don't have specific stoner stories to share, ALL my stories are stoned.

yesterday I went to the art museum and in one of the exhiits there is this small room, divided up into three areas you go into, and it is a david turrell light sculpture. you put on booties like in surgery so the floor stays crispy white. the walls are white and the ceiling is white. the three areas had three diffeenr colors of ligh and the interplay between them made the corners and edges of things look insane, and it REALLY FUCKED ME UP, very disorienting and odd. I started SWEATING AND SHIT! cold sweata! I got a bit of vertigo and had to get the fuck out of there. it took me maybe 30 minutes to recover. odd shit.
too bad too, because right after UI went and found that the MFAH has two different exhibits of prints, one of prints relating to WAR through history, including albrecht durer an some GOYA masterpieces, and then there was another exhibit of woodcuts from the Houston collection and it was fucking AWESOME. but I could not focus too well. my eyes did not adjust back quickly after that light shit. it was NUTZ


and I was stone cold SOBER

I used to feel that way whenever I would hear some kind of Ladytron song.. that shit would give me a literal bad trip.. one time I literally ran out of a store in the mall because the ladytron soundtrack was fucking with me

I got pulled over last night and charged with a misdemeanor of possession of marijuana. worst part about it was after it was all said and done with (they didnt read me rights or arrest me or anything thankfully) I didnt have a bowl (they made me break it) or weed to smoke afterwards. I was also pulled over 2 houses down from my house.

pictures.

thats how it goes, that shit is called getting taxed.

count your blessings, they used to take you to federal prison for shit like that, at the least, a few nights in the county, now they just tax you like at a roadblock

Sure, that makes perfect sense, we were getting stoned and nearly run over, and should have taken a picture. You kids who've grown up with phone cams in your pocket at all times really don't have any idea what 1986 was like. I was the only one of the four people in my group who even recognized who it was. The other three were going to see the band and didn't know what they looked like, which was fairly typical in a world where bands like Sonic Youth didn't get on MTV and You Tube wasn't even somebody's fantasy.

Now excuse me while I finish my geritol.

Once, I waked (after three hours of sleep) and baked before a 7:30 class, thinking some THC is what I needed for an energy boost.* I go to the library to pee before class. Odd, no urinals. After I come out of the stall, I notice this odd machine on the wall. Someone walks in who looks exactly like a female. So does the next person. When it finally dawns of me that I'm in the woman's bathroom (and the machine on the wall dispenses tampons), I totally freak out, thinking that someone's going to call the cops or something. As I run out, I bump into some chick coming in. I turn my head, as if my face is the only way to tell I'm a male, and pray, just pray that I don't get arrested.

*-Amazing isn't it? I'd smoke for energy, smoke to sleep, smoke 'cause I was sad, or happy, or bored. Took awhile to learn pot was actually not solving any problems nor enhancing any experience. What a dope!

That story should be used in an anti-drugs campaign.

3rd world stories (i didn't break any US laws, ye feds)

once i was smoking a blunt on top of this hill around this slum when suddenly a ton of little children come out of the nowhere and start charging at us-- these are called pirañitas (little piranhas) cuz they attack in packs, usually to mug people. so i threw the reefer at them and while they fought over it we drove off in a hasty retreat. true story.

another time on top of another hill this dude friend of my who was a professor of philosophy and i are getting baked inside the car and these cops come around and bust us. i threw the roach down into the leather around the stick shift, likely into the gear box (it was an old car) so the cops couldn't find it, but they could smell it all. they did find eyedrops in my bag and they order us to spit and we had the worst cottonmouth and it was hilarious and terrifying.

then my philosopher friend starts to argue with one cop about the meaning of authority and why he should let us go and things are not going well because he's starting to sound subversive. so i shut him the fuck up and i say to the cops look man this guy has a wife and a kid and he could lose his job if you bust him and we havent hurt anyone, we are not bothering anybody and we apologize, but please don't ruin my friends life, i am just a student. so they let us go-- working class solidarity.

another time hm i got so blazed that i literally turned into a rock. these 2 other people were talking & talking and they turn to me & say "whoa, this guy got so stoned he can't talk. say something"

all along this time i had been watching the two of them and i thought they were little monkeys, like, apes, and they were talking utter bullshit, and i was laughing at them in my mind because of their need to chatter. this is going through my mind as they are trying to get me to talk and i realize i have nothing to say, nothing at all, and talking is utterly pointless and stupid because, well, at that point, it is.

so i sit there in a long-ass pause in what seems to be days of cosmic meditation. finally i manage to unlock my jaw and i say: "sommmethhhhhing". they laughed at me like i was the stupidest person on the planet-- which probably i was at the moment, being unable to say quickly that i just wanted to shut the fuck up and they could keep talking.

another: we go camping on the beach in summer and we have a huge stash of weed to smoke. so we do. so then it's our turn to do the dishes, which we wash in the sand. then we make a mound of wet sand and we throw the knives at them in order to clean them. this takes forever.

then we are talking and while we stand by the water talking this guy is making THE BIGGEST FUCKING SANDBALL EVER in his hands. he's got this technique where he adds layers of wet and dry sand and pats it and the thing doesn't crumble. the thing is HUGE, like a fucking basketball. then when we finish talking he puts in on the wet part of the sand where it's flat and the sandball is perfect and polished and i momentarily hallucinate that the sandball grew out of the flat shiny sand, like a sea mushroom. it thought that would make a great painting.

etc.

another time i got very blazed and got hungry with this girl i took this pint of ice cream, removed it from the bucket, flipped it over, dug a pit in the center, put frozen berries around, then mix 2 liquors which i heated up and then lit up and poured over pit which melted a bit-- the fire spilled on the plate and the berries melted & created an awesome sauce with the ice cream. then we ate it. i did all this in the dark, with fire from the stove and then the burning alcohol. this was totally improvised by a mind fueled by weed and it was fucking delicious. pure alchemy.

another hunger story:

i'm blazed and starved. i have nothing to eat except this big cut of meat--about a kilo (2lbs). i put it a the hot pot without any oil or anything. it sticks to the pot (it's stainless steel) but i keep pulling it unstuck. it writhes like a live monster-- a giant worm, an amoeba-- it's definitely alive, and it's feeling the scorch. i keep doing this for some 10 minutes until i manage to char all the sides nicely and the meat no longer sticks because it's released a bit of grease. i've killed it completely! and it quiets down. then i let it cook in its own steam with the cover on. when the thing is ready, i eat the whole thing with my hands.

LOL. every stoners dream.
stoners with enough drive to go to college anyway.

At my last job, I got awarded 'employee of the month' twice. I was pretty much stoned the entire time. Not stoned=no award. go figure.

later i found out that when said friend was in college (before my time) he had gone nuts from reefer madness-- truly, he would see monsters and apparitions and shit. for certain sensitive natures, which are rare, a seemingly innocent blunt can be a potent hallucinogenic and a door into a world of nightmares. little did i know, i was doing him a terrible disservice by getting him transdimensional. fortunately, things stopped soon after due to me getting busted in a major way. it wasn't fun, but it was helpful in the end.

maybe they were trying to kiss your ass so you could help them score some bud.

Damn you for your transdimensional trickery.

Incidentally. I have a friend for whom the merest sight of a joint sends him into a strange psychic neverland which invariably ends with him huddled up on the couch, hogging the television remote control and inflicting unreasonable viewing choices upon the rest of us.

i got high the other day while watching gossip girl. all i was thinking about was eating tofu and listening to the wipers, but that's what i usually only think about anyway.

oh and how good looking blair is.

I have gotten like that, where I start hallucinating like hell. every object becomes something else. It's weird.

Baww :(

That'll explain why I ended up killing my dad and fucking my mum the last time I had a sneaky J.

Actually my first high wasn't the most amazing time. It was probably the most nostalgic though.

!@#$%!, how come you share so many pot-related stories, but ragged to shit on my Michael Phelps thread?

Who's "!@#$%" ? Do you mean "!@#$%!" ?

HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

STORY # 1: One time I drank a shit ton of cough syrup, ate some shrooms, took a hit of acid, did some ecstasy, drank a bunch, and smoked a shit ton of weed. Then, I fell asleep. The end.


STORY # 2: One time I smoked weed and laughed at Married with Children. Then, I went to a chinese restauraunt with my pothead friend. Even though usually I can only eat a plate or two, I was sooooo hungry that the MSG didn't phase me. I ended up eating a good 4 plates of Lo Mein Noodles. I was stinking up the whole place with my weed farts. There's a cute-ass Asian girl there who is ALWAYS there, she never says a word but she always looks at me. She looks really young, like 15 years old, but she's there at all times of the day, so I think she's older, as she's obviously not in school; I suppose she could be home schooled for an hour or two after the place closes. The end.

STORY # 3: One time I was smoking weed and made music. I was "jamming with friends". I listened later and realized all that jamming we were doing sounded like shit. The end.

STORY # 4: One time I was smoking weed and listening to drone music. I was like "Whoa, this sounds COOL. I can't believe how cool it sounds!" Then I fell asleep. The end.

STORY # 5: One time after I smoked weed, I was driving home and the stop sign seemed REALLY close but it was far away. The end.

STORY # 6: One time I listened to epic stoner metal with friends while stoned and I thought it was badass. I downloaded it later
and it bored me. The end.

Holy shit

Actually, one time I smoked weed and hit a kid on a bike. This is true. I mean, he drove right out in front of me while I was driving and I slammed on my brakes and hit his back tire at 1 MPH.. Little fucker came out of nowhere! I didn't even hit his back tire hard enough to knock him off his bike, but he acted so pissed, like he was going to kill me. I drove off as fast as I could. I had smoked weed like 2 hours before that. I didn't.. FEEL.. stoned. But I was still scared. Paranoia weed. The scariest thing was when a police car pulled in behind me on the ride back, I was sweating fucking bullets! I was all panicy and shit. "What if the kid reports me?! I know he knows my car! He saw my license plate! What if I go back to the neighborhood and he slashes my tires?!" Etc. Then I thought about it later and laughed.

Dude, you really shouldn't be driving while high. Not even like, two hours after.

I always wait till I don't feel stoned. I usually feel sleepy though. I've been driving 7 years and never had an accident, the only thing I've ever done is scrape into a car while sliding in the ice, and someone backed into me once and blamed it on me. Other than that, I've never even gotten close to an accident, a ticket, etc. I'm gold.

Fair enough. But if you end up the news, don't say I didn't warn ya :)

one day my mom bought me a milky way and i was all like "wow no way a milky way" and she said "yeh" and then i took it and went to my room and watched jackass for another 2 hours before i got bored and went for a skate.

i love listening to linkin park when stoned, one time i thought i was the singer and actually made a band called linkin park

I would react like that when sober.

jeeezus fuck man, it is really irritating to deal with someone with such poor reading comprehension-- read my posts again, especially the last ones about my friend going nuts. did you even see that? and read again the phelps thread to comprehend what i was saying, and which glice clarified further, and so on. do you really not get the point of what is said to you, or does your brain just filter the bits and pieces of information that you do not want to hear?

your purported "sarcasm" in that phelps thread was obscure to all readers, what your prose conveyed was the notion that because some productive people smoke weed it justifies all use of weed, including abuse. did you not see this? of course not.

i make an obvious distinction between moderate recreational use, and abuse and addiction. i do not make a blanket condemnation of your preferred herb, but neither do i think it's ok to live in a permanently blazed state.

the reason i do not advocate marijuana ABUSE is because it generates delusional patterns of thinking just like the ones you exhibit.
you're like an alkie with a rotten liver who's trying to justify the greatness of the drunken state for all occasions-- permanent drunkenness at all costs. so yeah, whiskey can be nice sometimes. same as your divine fucking weed. but this is a distinction of degree and frequency of use that you blatantly ignore. why? because instead of a rotten alkie liver, you appear to have the distorted cognitive functions of a classic pothead. this is addictive behavior-- to deny all damage and glorify the addiction. but you're not even aware of the scope of your delusion, because you're constantly stoned and how could you do otherwise?

that's exactly the damage of long-term addiction, and you're living proof of it, self-appointed holy man! you only hear what you want to hear, and you only learn what you already know-- you're like a george bush of a different persuation, living in a distorted reality to fit your emotional needs. i'm not claiming this from knowing you personally, by the way; i'm inferring this from the way you present your arguments and from the way you respond to others.

yeah, you may have some valid points, you seem to be a good natured person under the cloud of smoke, but you end up making a muddle of even your best arguments. and you can't see this in your drug-induced self-righteousness-- you only see what you want to see, what fits your fantasies and delusions.

of course, you have a right to do that if you want, the world is huge and there is room for all of us, mostly without stepping on each other's toes whenever possible; but do not ask to be believed, or be taken seriously, reading and writing the way you do, with the thinking patterns of a delusional drug addict wrapped up in his own fiction--that's asking too much of the rest of us. so at least try to see why others can possibly disagree with you without being "evil agents of babylon."

of course, you're a person, and i do wish you well, and frankly if i didn't give a shit i wouldn't waste the time to write all this, so do not take my aggressive stance as an "offense"-- take it as a slap in the face to get you to wake the fuck up from your drug-fueled fantasy world. of course you are free to take it or leave it, but at least please have the politeness of fully understanding what i'm saying (without the wishful thinking and the selective reading) before you respond.

all the best,

!@#$%!

Wow. Awesome.

I was impressed also.

drug fueled fantasy world, sounds like a greaty Thrill Kill Kult record!

I watch married.. with children every single day, weed or not, an I laugh so fucking hard you can hear me three houses down.. seriously.



and you actually have the nerve to call me self-righteous?

eh! someone had to... ;)

oh now my friend, you can call me self-righteous in many regards, and people are free to think what they'd like, but in this particular regard, you look absurd judging me horrendous in my pot use but your own use or the use of your friends is a-o-k... you may think I am in a haze but it is you who needs a REAL quick reality check..