big up the Hip Priest

I would if only i could.Hehehe

I'm pretty much speechless.

This forum is wonderful.

let's see...i've had appendicitis and broken my right arm three times.

there's a splinter or something stuck in the bottom of my right foot. it only hurts when i get out of the shower and move it the wrong way. i almost fall over every time. it's been there for several years and i can't remember how it got there.

That reminds me of when I had a bad splinter in my foot. It apparently got there from walking barefoot on a pier. It hurt so bad I could hardly walk. It was in the center of my foot so I either had to walk on my heel or on my toes, making me extemely prone to falling.
When the docotor removed the splinter is was a little over an inch long and fairly thick.

i was born with hypospadias w/ chordee. had it corrected as an infant.

look it up.

I broke my leg as a six-month old infant when i fell down the stairs in a townhouse. per the cliche, i was also dropped right on my head once as a baby. One time I was kicked in the head by a man much larger than myself who was wearing steel-toed workboots when I was twenty.
But on to the past maladies.
When I was seven I had a near-death experience & nearly drowned to death. I didn't speak & barely ate or drank for about 2 weeks after it. I wouldn't go to school & read in my room & this is when I began to draw things constantly which I continued to do for years afterwards. After wasting away until I looked like dehydrated malnourished skeleton, I was taken to the hospital & diagnosed with meningitis & told that I was terminal. I forget how it came about, but a short while after that it was explained to me that I had asthma & I took the skin tests & came up allergic to just about everything. For many years, i was given a regimen of allergy treatment shots twice weekly. I took a plethora of medications & up to 6 or 7 different types of pills a day at some points in the illness. I was taken to the emergency room with asthma attacks too many times to remember & was told after one attack that it was a chronic attack which meant that there was a 25% chance of me dying without the doctors being able to do anything about it. Typically, when I went to the emergency room they would take blood, hook an I.V. into my arm, make me deep breathe & force me to drink like a gallon of water & administer one to several epinephrine (adrenaline) shots to get me breathing again. Many times I was allowed to go home after that, but on at least on 10 ocassions (if not more) I was hospitalized afterwards for 2 weeks to a month with an I.V. in my arm. One time we were on vacation visiting relatives & I had had a serious attack & was taken to the hospital; when I was left alone, I ripped the I.V. out of my arm & proceeded to amble around the military base aimlessly until some M.P.s brought me back to the hospital room.
And then one day around age 16 I just told my mother that I wasn't going anymore for allergy shots. I stopped taking all the pills. I was told that I was "possessed" because I made such a loud, violent scene every time I was told I had to go to the hospital. Thank God I was one of the ones that "grew out" of asthma. It's terrifying not being able to breathe. I kept my inhalers & kept using them less & less until I was about age 20. I have now been a two pack a day smoker for over 15 years & have had no asthma attacks in all that time. I never get allergic reactions or hayfever, not even if the wind is blowing pollen right in my face. I haven't been sick in almost three years & the last time was only because the people I was living with at that time were sick. That was, in fact, the only time I've gotten a flu even since I started posting at the fan forum back on '02. I eat reasonably healthy & fairly well, but nothing too overboard for too long a time & I drink a good deal of water every day. < I know, too much is bad for the kidneys. > Back in the emergency room during those days when I was ill, drinking water was like trying to drink gasoline. Nowadays, I love water. The biggest health problem I've had was that one day after a typical binge of what have you, I woke up & a spot on one of my feet was cold & numb. I had just met a man the day before that lived on my street & hung out on his porch a lot that had just had one of his lower legs amputated due to blood vessel blockage, so I believe my injury was a sympathetic psychosomatic ailment. The numb spot grew over a few days until one of my whole feet went numb & it was difficult to walk or get around. I called the hospital & made an appointment with a neurologist. The next day the spot was shrinking again & it went away on the night before the day of the appointment. When I go to get a check-up once every year & a half or so, the nurses & the doctor always are dumbfounded that all my vitals & weight & everything is normal given the vices that I have. They still tell me that I have to quit smoking though, of course.

Weirdo.

an earwig got in my ear and tore part of my eardrum off.

strange. the damn thing tore through your eardrum? i hope your hearing is okay in that ear. earwigs always give me the heebie-jeebies.

the following is not really a medical problem (as in a medical condition), but an injury instead:

when i was young i was dressed up like batman & my friend who i was chasing slammed the door to the laundry room in front of me & a metal hanger jumped off a nail with the force of the door being slammed shut & it fell right into my eye(lid). It scratched my cornea so I had to wear a patch for a few weeks. The doctor told me that sometimes batman had to wear eye patches too after getting in a fight while fighting crime haha.

I had to get stitches a few times...one time this girl had taken my heavy die-cast replica of a colt .45 cap gun (back in the old days these toys were more substantive) & as I chased her through her house, she doubled back on me & then threw the cap gun at me & busted my lip open pretty bad.

atari, you have the craziest medical history i've ever heard.

i would fill up whole garbage bags with coughed-up phlegm kleenexes. I would be shown my chest X-rays & clearly see for myself that both lungs were nearly completely filled with mucous.
my (military dependent) medical records are many, many thick folders full. I could probably stack them close to 4 feet high. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't get experimented on with some of the medication. I was intemittently precribed to take prednisone, which is a steroid. I've had so many blood tests that my veins squirm out of the way.

you should get that splinter checked out or remove it yourself carefully. i had one in my foot that just went away eventually, but it didn't cause me pain. I've had lots of splinters though. One time I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my boot & got the tetanus shot & everything. I walked around with a tenderfoot for awhile after that.

it's too deep to remove myself. i can't even see it.

now this is crazy. when i "grew out" of asthma, my mother acquired serious asthma requiring all the same medications that I used to take & she also had to use a machine that she would inject liquid terbutaline into & then inhale the vapours. also quite remarkable is that my mother at one time had colon cancer & was in intensive care for months. she started to get real bad & she had just started chemo & wasn't being given long to live. Her church pastor always remembered her in the prayers & one night he dedicated most of the service to her & to prayers for her health. The colon cancer went into 100% remission overnight & that's the honest truth.

whoa. that almost makes me believe in god.

I cought my balls in a zipper once

Hahaha that made me laugh.
There's something about Mary.

Are those the same things from Wrath of Kahn?
Serioisly tho, never heard of an earwig...google time.

Humphrey Chimpden Earwicker?

They had Batman way back then?!?