my friends are naming their baby ziggy stardust [mom's lastname] [dad's lastname].

...actually two of my closest friends from college are both pregnant. and they both live in la. i haven't seen either of them in a while. i lived with all four of them in both couples and a handful of other people for years. i was the first one of all my friends to get married and now i'm single again and they're all having kids...

In a couple weeks, I'm catching a ride east with no particular goals in mind.

I have vertigo. 3 weeks now.

I haven't read anything in book in almost two weeks. For a person that usually averages 2 novels a week, that's odd.

sort of a kerouac in reverse kind of deal?

I should have graduated high school last weekend. Instead, I'm coming back for another trimester next year. And I'm taking a summer class. Most of my friends are going off to college, or just starting their real lives 'n' shit, and I'm in this... like... stagnant state.

Everyone around me gives me shit for staying, though. (that's the weird part, i guess.) At least I'm doing something about that particular fuckup - I mean, I could've dropped out. I tried as hard as I fucking well could this year, and it was all still a massive waste of time - I could have done nothing and got just as much out of it, really.

cheating on my girlfriend

^^ shame on ya.

i know, thats why its weird. it just kinda happened with this other girl. we are polar opposites from each otherr, whil my gf and i are into the same stuff. the opposite chick is just extremely experimental in bed and stupidly attracted to me. dont ask how it happened cause i don't know. yes i should be ashamed, i should care, it should bother me more and i guess thats the part that bothers me most, the not caring.

i think if i were married then this wouldn't be happening.

so......
how did that happen?

I some how knew this would happen......

This women doesn't work with me but we sometimes cross paths for business. So one day she tells me this story about some guy she used to date and how she loved him and all this and then how he moved and left her.....she then gets into all this stuff about me looking a lot like him and even reminding her of him through my personality and what not. i think mothing of it cause i have talked with this girl a total of 3 hours in my life. time goes by i don't see her and then i run into her after i show at a bar. she starts whispering all this real freaky shit into my ear WHILE my GF is next to me talking with her friends. I told her about my being involved and brushed her off, but in my mind I was thinking about what she told me which ranged from candles, flexibility, nudity, champagne and all night plus discretion. i chalked her up as a psycho and let it go, plus she told me she was also seeing someone so..whatever.

more time passes

after a lunch conference with her work, she follows me into the mens room and sucks me off.

she was good, and we've '' ran into '' each other about six times in a month since then.

so you've done it MULTIPLE TIMES?????

I hate to sound like a total asshole, which i know I am but, I'm not married, I don't live with my GF and I'm not in love with her. We're friends that hang out and have fun with each other, trust me she feels the same. Now, does that excuse the cheating? No. Does make it a lot easier to reason it out? Yes.

The ways I see it is like this: I love women and sex and passion and all these things, and if one woman who I am not completely in love and devoted to doesn't want or can't accomodate me, well im not going to actively seek someone else out, BUT if this really gorgeous woman has a total desire to fuck me over and over again and we both know that we are not each others type and stand no chance for love, well I'm a man and she's a woman, this is a natural thing. the sex is just sex something extra.

I would feel far worse if i loved my GF and was falling in love with another woman. the truth is nothing has developed on that level between me and my gf, after i tell her the situation, she will either be cool with it and perhaps join or be upset and hang out with someone else.

why dont you break up with the girl that you dont really care about?

^ yeah, really.

Because then imagine that guy's story if he had. No drama. I hear people are lighting themselves on fire again. Even treasure trolls.

i beat my arachnophobia by french kissing a tarantula. we're now going steady. lucky she's not a black widow I suppose.

Im not sure ive gone through a period in my life where ive spoken to other people less.

Is that a direct metaphor or just highly poetic BS? I'm curious because the former would play interestingly with our PM discussions about being in relationships with sex workers.

Actually his 1947 route is mostly the one I'll be taking, though it is LA to Saint Louis, MO and back. Not all the way to the East coast.

Will be leaving early Wednesday.