So... . I would say this much to ZERO, in the final analysis. LOOK at the shit I put up with here almost every time I post anything. I get disparaged for my AGE, I get disparaged for some rep as a possible pedophile because cantankerous and I had this romantic infatuation, I get SLAMMED for liking the Rolling Stones in their glory days, I get ABUSED for having a HISTORY with rock music that reaches back into the 1960s...

And yet I don't let it get me down. I persevere in my perverted way... .

okay, fuh real, no more boosh betamax songs from me.

i feel like i'm in a similar situation. some days i feel like i'm getting out of that void, but then i sink back into it. i don't even know.

since i don't have any direction or control of bigger things at the moment, the only shit that seems to help are small changes. get out of your comfort zone, y'know? get into a few of the awkward conversations, get out as much as possible, maybe try things you wouldn't "normally."
trial and error: sometimes your attempts won't work, yeah, but sometimes you'll have FUN or meet somebody new. (or with yr music making, just go in all different directions, i suppose.)
... it's better knowing that you tried and failed than sitting slumped and wondering about it all yr life, right? seems slowww, but things build up in time. i mean, i finally feel like i've got a shred of confidence, like i've got a fucking solid group of friends to do anything/nothing with whenever, et cetera. i'm starting to believe the "it will get better" shit, even!

also, i'll just reiterate what err'body else said: exercise, healthy food, relaxation. mmm.

^^^ repped for playing The Age Card.


a post that almost was:


I thought that I'd posted that in crayon's epic "Things you think other members secretly do/like" thread, but apparently I failed to.

I was preoccupied last week.

You could say the same for men, DONT FERGET!

True, but I'm more like a bus.

All aboard, ladies.

way to cheer up pumpkins.

I hope yr as disgusted as I am.

Despicable!

First I want to say it means a lot for you to come here and be able to express yourself honestly in making this thread. You didnt come off as whiny in the slightest, even being so bold as to say you might kill yourself, you explained your feelings very well I think.

And I can relate. I wish I could offer advice like many good folks have. There are things I want to believe in and know would help, like consistent exercise and good eating, proper nutrient balance, refining hobbies and keeping things active in your life (all things affect the others, even in ways you wouldnt suspect.)

But I cant. I'm at the point, myself, where for the past 6 months or so I havent even really been able to listen to music. Its lately that I've realized that this depression has been different from others because at least in the past, music is the one thing I've always been able to find enjoyment from. Not this time. I have absolutely no motivation to try the things I mentioned above, becuase I feel like I have tried and quit them so many times, that I just dont see the point anymore, because by now its like I'm just going backwards. The spark of hope I would hold every time I get up and try again is not returning. Any time I try something new now, I just get anxious and unfocussed, and I quit.

I actually feel kind of bad for posting this.

"All healthy men have thought of their own suicide” - Albert Camus

Again thanks for the advice and stories everyone. I tried anti-depressants for a year but they did not work at all. I don't like how I felt with them..

As for the mixtapes, you don't have to go to all that trouble sending them to Australia, really. I'd just end up finding even more cool artists which I don't have any money for haha.

same here

theres no shame in downloading music

Nah dude I just don't feel right about it. Plus I like having the CD to own :)

Marty, if you ever figure any of this out, please let me know because I'm still struggling myself.

I heard something corny but possibly helpful. Make a journal and write down 5 things that were good that happened in that day, no matter how small they are. Eventually it's supposed to help you have a more optimistic approach to life. I dunno if it actually works, it seems harmless enough, though.. I might try it out soon, might as well.

Yeah, because heaven forbid you do something constructive.

Filling wants feel good, but filling needs feels even better.

i'm in with sway, with the turn the shitty times into art...
What you're saying here very roughly reminds me of some of my most nihilistic times back when i was 19. Different circumstances though but nevermind. This is exactly when is tarted recording to 4track and first created the home impirnt of Greed Rex which was developped as something "real" a few years later. I would also do lots of photos, weird artwork, drawing with pencils, looooooooooooong walks, WRITING,writing, writing.
This is all the more interesting as you can still keep this stuff and check it out years later and realize you had still remained creative at that time and it does help when you're IN the shit.
And travelling but it does cost money and is not always possible.
All the above was still good to me at the time at that time.
I understand you just realized that you had no more interest in yr own music these days but mmm you should start a new project, different name (which makes sense as you're in a process of maturing and changing anyways), different stuff.
Turn the gloom into creative outpiut, no matter how useless you THINK it might be.

I'm 31 now and still tend to look at all the notebooks, Cassettes i recorded, artwork i did, novelias i wrote, and misc stuff i have kept and mmmm it's priceless. Part of whom i've become.

I feel like I was in this situation too. There is really only one thing to do, wait. I know you don't want to hear that but that is all you can do. However, you can do plenty to make this wait more enjoyable. I really forced myself to make new friends and to find people I could party with and have interesting conversations with. My life has improved so much since I forced myself into having a social life, and I encourage you to do the same.