a terrible headache.

sweet jumpin' jesus, how am I supposed to quote all of this on my own??? :(

Tomorrow I'll be 27 =(

27 is a great number.

monkeys4helping

That I'm not partying

needing to return to work in 18 mins. Quite bothersome.
Only 2 hrs left after that though. Thank fuck! Oh my.

her boobs are divine

also kind of scary

but mostly incredible

"your dad was released from the hospital and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him"
:yeah? great. figured:
"they say that his heart's better than it was 10 years ago. it's from lifting trash."
:that's really good news. glad to hear he's ok:
"hey! it's your birthday soon, jas. what are you going to do??"
:nothing? work? it's just another day, mom:
"nooo it's not!"
:yeah, really, it is:
"ok, well nice talking to you [sobs]"



good times.

I'm critiquing the mix cd I made while compulsively sorting clothes before I make a late-night grocery run so I can cook something at 1am.

Edit: I'm thinking the inclusion of "Pale Blue Eyes" was a poor choice.

pale blue eyes is never a poor choice

or so i'd greatly like to believe

It kind of feels out of place. It's located on the "sad" section, but I have a nagging feeling I could have chose a better song...plus the recipient isn't that well-versed in the VU.

A new bother: I finally found my pocket knife but it's dull as fuck all

Edit: Yet another bother. The cd I just made cuts out about a minute of the final song, so I have to re-make it and Pale Blue Eyes is getting the axe, along with another song or two.

So, one of my ex-girlfriends was supposed to get a divorce in November.. I was single, after Han cheated on me.. she was going to be single, after being married a few years.. she said she wanted to meet up with me and start hanging out, I was excited.. a week before her divorce was supposed to be finalized, she deleted her myspace, etc. She said before that her husband had threatened her.. really creepy dude, getting into her accounts, all kinds of shit... so, I was worried, because she just kinda vanished, suddenly. I sent her a letter in the mail, called her phone, no response of any kind.. I checked facebook about once a month and she JUST joined it a few weeks ago, it said she's still married. So, I guess the divorce never went through -- even though she also rejoined myspace and it says she's single on there. What? Either way, she's going by her married name. I emailed her, asking what's up and I was curious why she had disappeared. I added her as a friend -- she rejected me. I msg'd her again, this time asking, if she wasn't going to be my friend, to at least explain why, since nothing had ever happened between us, and last I knew, we were supposed to hang out and shit! So, then her husband (or ex? They live an hour away according to their "Current city" thing on Fbook) emails me and says "hey don't email her anymore! she doesn't want to talk to you." So, I write him and said, "Hm... well, I'll take your word for it, though I find that sorta strange since nothing bad has happened between us at all, in fact we were talking a lot until she just disappeared right before your guys's divorce was final. But, sure, if she doesn't want to talk, then I won't email her -- I just wanted to make sure she was okay." So, now I'm confused, but I think, I really sit and think about it, it makes perfect sense... she only has 9 friends on facebook, all girls, except for him.. she told me before he's abusive, threatening, jealous, etc. She also told me, constantly, she wanted to get with me, wanted to fuck me, that I'm the best lover she'd ever had. I have a feeling she's trying to work out things with him and she's probably admitted how she has feelings for me, or he's read some emails between us, and he's advised her to stay away from me... and guys, in general, apparently, which is odd, since when me and her were good friends, she had about a thousand guy friends at any given time. He's rich and "powerful" and she's probably motivated by money, so whatever. You know? If she's willing to sell out her convictions and principles in order to be "successful" in life, if she is willing to be a slave to someone who she has repeatedly said to me, she has nothing in common with - that's her business. But for someone to completely ignore me, and disappear like that.. I mean, I don't think she disappeared ONLY to me, she disappeared to everyone, and didn't want to be found.. but she has recently re-emerged on the internet, and I just find it bizarre. I have a feeling she lied a lot to me and lied a lot to him. And I'm more confused than ever, though I have a really strong feeling that once thier relationship fails completely, she'll probably try to talk to me again, whether to be my friend, or to hook up. But by that point, it'll be to late. Well, it's too late now -- I have a girlfriend. It just bums me out, how people can be... when you've never done a single bad thing to someone and they treat you like a bad guy, or portray you as such to other people, for whatrever reason, and probably only in order to avoid the truth. just bothers me how good I am to people, how caring I am, and I never ask anything.. I never even WANT anything.. from humanity.. and yet because of people's inclination to lie, cheat, steal, suck the life out of, and just generally abuse people that are nice and thoughtful, I feel dead on the inside, depressed by humanity, and wishing I WAS a bad person, so I could get some kind of revenge on people for making me feeling like shit. Ultimately, though, I don't have the energy.. I'm just going to take whatever energy I'd use for that, and apply it elsewhere. It just sucks being a decent human being... it's gotten me nowhere, and lead me to nothing. I don't think bad people ever feel this way. I've been thinking lately how I am completely different than everyone else out there.. I have no plans on getting married or having kids.. college seems like a waste of time, to me, a place you go to collect huge debts, a place you go where you have to deal with a shit-ton of stress, working for years and years, just so you can eventually get a job that you like a little more than working at walmart, that ultimately won't really amount to much because you'll never be able to enjoy the dollar you'll be making on the hour more than you'd make at walmart because you'll be paying off debts/loans/interest rates until you're 50. I also don't understand the point of credit cards and shit. Everyone made me feel so fucking stupid for not gong to colege, but those same people are posting on facebook that they're in debt out their ass. Is debt good or something? Like, the way people talk, and act, and deal with things, you'd think it was a good thing.. why would you knowingly go into something where you'd be trapped, confined to pay something off for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, with no end in sight? People have made me feel so stupid for not doing things their way, but I'm the only person I know who is 23 and has something to show for their lives. If I keep this shit up, I can retire by the time I'm 30.. all while just working at walmart and patiently saving my money. Yet, still, I'm labeled a moron or whatever because I'm "So smart" yet I'm wasting my potential by not attending some shitty school. I have never owned a cell phone -- I don't see the point in them, at all, there are payphones everywhere! Why would I want people to be able to get ahold of me whenever they feel like it? It's creepy, and it's expensive. It's ridiculous. Also, what's the point of having a "nice" car? Ohhh, it's so SHINEY! Everything is so "nice" and "shiney". Plastic fucking society. Working for .. what, exactly? My car cost $500, has ran for 5 years, had no problems with it hardly at all, yet it's not "shiney" and "awesome". I don't understand the point in having a child... or getting married.. isn't marriage just a psychological benefit? You can have the exact same relationship with a girl, without being married, marriage is just a sheet of paper, some tax breaks, and the feeling that you "own" someone.. it's creepy... I just am not in tune whatsoever with society, what society wants, etc. Yet I am more succeesfful and have more to show for my life than anyone I personally know, by doing things my way. Yet I'm also completely unhappy in life. So, I might be a genius (I have a 142 IQ, that's just under genius, right? Ah, what does those tests know?), I DEFINITELY have more common sense than most people... yet I also want to kill myself every second of every day.

Moral of the story.. don't be me.

whats bothering me most right now is that i just dropped a lot of $$$ for some effects that don't seem to be working very well and i am gonna have to return them.

I'm seriously considering this offer to teach English in Korea.

My girlfriend's parents are over here for the weekend and it makes me feel awkward.

Just relax. Have a nice time. Take them for a walk and then somewhere nice for lunch.

Don't walk about the house naked.





I have to get up soon to go and have my hair cut, and I'd rather stay in bed.

my coworker's incompetence

Do I have sweet bro time with my two best friends or pick up my girlfriend and mate with her?

Fuck bros before hoes. I want my dick sucked.

It's cool.
We're gonna take them to our new apartment (I have the keys since Wednesday, have I told you?) and show them around.
They've brought us a big-ass plasma TV so I'm happy that they're here, haha.
no, seriously, they are very nice people. I just don't like vistors in general, you know, being involved in conversations and such.

^ i don't mind visitors as long as i know they are coming, and i have some kind of control over when they leave.. (either that or i go to bed and they make their own way out. ) unannounced visitors though, can gtfo.

but right now.. Lack of sleep!

That's apparently my IQ also. Weird.

names

whats bothering me now? stupid youtube comment posters who seem hell bent on calling someone names and sending abusive comments even tho what you said is 100% true. ive just been called a prick for saying why the 1955 le mans 24 hr race wsnt stopped and the guy called me an insufferable arsehole who has no respect for human life!!! all i said was the race wasnt stopped as it would have blocked the access roads to the hospital aand seems to think now im a nazi...stupid guy!

also this damn fucking headache, i dont get headaches and i have a mother of one since i woke up this morning. christ! i need a holiday!

phoenix keeps making me cry.


pm professor simulated stereo IMO.

the thing about youtube is it doesnt matter what the video is about, someone will ALWAYS bring up the Holocaust or 9/11

Are you joking, or serious? I've been getting a fair bit of social anxiety lately and the worst thing about it is that I keep worrying that it's a fault that I'm not good at making conversation. That it's just not acceptable to be bad like that.

Oh, congrats on the new apartment!

^^^ I'm the same way. I'm terrible at coversations. at least, I am if I don't know you.

it's because, as a rule, most people fucking suck. you, dear alteredcourse, do not.

Thank you, even though it's easy to say in computerworld. I do feel better. It IS because most people suck, and I cant admit that. I hate people sometimes, I really do. It makes me believe that perhaps I see the world in black and white, that people are divided into those that I think will hurt me or that I have no use for, and people that I will hurt because theyre terrible so I will treat them horribly or because I'll actually really like them a lot, but end up fucking it up by getting out of the situation before things get "real" (too far).

just because something is easy to say, does not mean that I'm actually apt to say it. my hatred of humans is such that I will NEVER give them unwarranted accolades. ever.

after about 10+ years on the net, I've learned that "they" are not worth devoting energy toward. making friends on the net is a pointless task. people disappear too fast. and because I don't have the extra mental energy to make small talk, I try to stick with nonsense.

typically, on the board, I enjoy clearing my brain and posting the first fucking thing that pops in. sometimes it's trash, others, it's gold (I blame Edgar Cayce). but it's only the rare occasion that I care to post anything more that.

that said, if interested, I can talk for fucking days and days.

I'm not sure what too far means.


and, seriously, it's not your fault that other people are idiots. there are maybe 5 people on this board that never post idiotic shit. you're one of them.

I know someone who is in two minds over whether he should teach English in Japan.

I can't imagine who the other three are.

I am serious. How does your social anxiety work and to what extent does it affect you? Give me some more structured info, use PM if you want.

And on a serious note, if someone who posted their own cock for hono(u)r doesn't make every top 5 list going, then I'll never trust a list again.

If you taught English in a Far Eastern country, yeah.

Maybe you can tell me the politically correct way I should've worded my sentence.