high time i went to the supermarket.
fuck this shit. its gonna be extremely hot today.
lucky me though; i can do all outdoor stuff fast and come hide back in.

All of the days and hours that turn into the moments leading up to a loved one dying......soon time won't matter anymore.

fuck Bytor, that is some bleak existentialist poetry right there.

Just how I was feeling this early AM. My Grandfather is soon to die and the family was called in last night. After three hours, we were sent home as he showed slight improvement. At 96, he has lived a good long life.

I'm not sad to see him pass, but it's going to be hard on my mom and she has been spending too much time at the nursing home and it's wearing her out.

That is tough BP. It is a good thing that your kids got to know their great-grandpa though. Not too many get to.

I lost both my grandpas by age 9. Never met my great grandpas. I did know my grandma's mom though. the ladies in my family live forever.

my sincere condolences and prayers

I didnt think it was about the bra but the woman. Again she could be getting dressed as much as undressed and for either scenario we dont know the context. Big day? Boring day? Is she going to bed to go to sleep or to sleep with somebody? Is it a milf or just a mom?

I like the oil painting nef. It suggests so much more than just "bra."

Buried my 95 year-old grandmother a few hours ago. I kept thinking, "What a triumph. She won. Nine and half decades of life, then buried by friends and family. No one can do better."

She was miserable at the end. Her death was a relief for many, including herself. Nothing tragic about her death, at all. Way to go.

wow, damn-- whattt???

i'm good to hear it was this way, except for the suffering. i don't know if congratulations are in order but i feel like giving them.

be proud.


Ow, man. So very sorry. I think in the end after long illnesses death comes as a relief to everyone--at least from what I've seen in my own family and those of friends. Nothing to fear. Best wishes to you and yours.

oh, i was just referred to this by the following page (i mean this page).

i like it! it's shaping up.

also i think thinking about one's purpose is awesome, so why suppress?

a question i have is-- are you working from a photo or from a real model?

for me the bra is completely secondary here-- what i enjoy mainly is the rolls of flesh-- the body as a real (not ideal) body

i know you're a fan of lucien freud, and while your emotion is a very different one here (different tones for starters, your subject looks healthy) i can see his influence on you a bit. am i high?

also, are you still painting meat? i love those meat paintings. have you done them with oils?

YES - they are very fortunate to know there Great Grandfather. My youngest was born after my Grandmother passed and my Grandfather was never quite the same after that.

I hold many cherished memories of him spending time with me and teaching me many things. My favorite times was when we went hunting. Waking at 4:00 AM and venturing out to our deer stands in the dark. My Grandmother cooking what we killed......even the squirrel :)


Thank You......it's truly appreciated!


My condolences......sounds like a lady who enjoyed life and was loved by others!


Talked with my mom earlier and my Grandfather is doing about the same today......and we wait.

i m really sorry for your loss. may she be remembered.

wish you and your family all the best.


i wrote here about my granny some years after her passing; couldnt at the time it happened.
my mourning for her was interrupted by my best mate's sister getting sick and passing after 7 months the same year.

i have guilts about 2 things in my life and one is about her. not seeing her much the last years even though she lived across my place. i will never forgive myself for that.
luckily throughout my life i did spend much time with her. more than usually grandkids spend with their grandmothers and fathers.

she was my favorate, yes i can say that.
it is unfair for 2 other grandparents, who apparently were good people, but i was a kid and hadnt have the chance to get to know them better.

i still see my granny in my dreams sometimes. it was the loss of pure love when she died.
even if she lived for many years, it is still sad, because she didnt have an easy life. it breaks me when old people get that way. at least i hope, i know she knew how much we loved her.






the waiting is traumatising. but we had ours at home. i was going after work and laying with her in her bed and was talking to her; she was in sort of a coma. my aunts were telling me to stop doing that, because i m interupting her 'road to death'. balls of shit, but it was making me doubt if i was doing any good. my fear was if she knew she was leaving life.

what you said before about time, was spot on.
<3.

thank you and Rob and Suchfriends.

i m always working for a photo. usually its b&w i play and add the colors i want. i have in my head what i want to do and google for pics, need to have some sort of outline.

i have always loved lucian freud and still do, but i m looking more at jenny saville. when i first saw her and i thank this forum for that too, i thought, fuck she is painting what i want to paint (if i was painting).
both do the subjects that i m interested in.
im interested in flesh (overweight female bodies, portraits, animals, meat), but also in abstract painting, which is more serious and hard from my point of view. my goal is to be able at some point to mix the 2, but i m not dealing with that now. need to improve first.
dunno if you saw saville's recent exhibition. i was.. damn woman..she found her way to mix those 2!

yes, the plan is to go back to the meat paintings with oils this time.
when i look at those now, i m not pleased whatsoever.

oh, i just spent some time looking at jenny saville paintings online. i think i want a book.

i see what you're saying about abstract + figure. one of her pictures at the gagosian website looks like that--- the woman with the babies and the big black marks-- but also i think the way some of her older pictures construct volumes from flat splats of color. her palette is brighter too so i see that where you're going.

and as someone who works with a camera on occasion, let me say i hope you can find and work with a model soon.

here's why-- because the camera flattens and lies. it's different from the eye in interpreting volume and perspective and color gamut and dynamic range, and so a photograph is already a highly reductive/abstracted representation of objects in space. i'm not saying it's not a valid starting point for a painting though, i'm just saying it's different, and i suspect you might madly enjoy working with real folds of skin in your mediterranean light (which i don't know how used to it you are but to me it's amazing) and see things a photograph does not.

i know it can get expensive though but maybe you can find the right exhibitionist for your voyeurism.

and are the meat paintings from photos too? or do you have a friendly butcher?

meat is amazing.

thank you for posting your work.

Sounds tough yet uplifting. Sorry to hear about your loss

thank you.


yeah i know what you mean about working with a photo vs a model, but i dont want to work with a model. i like the fact that i can give my energy to my strokes and color, as opposed to get absorbed by the model itself. i know myself, i would entirely lose focus. i would like to find model and take pictures of it, that yes. its really hard to find what i want via google. plus there is the copyright issue that many times bothers me.

and surely i want to work with models, but more for drawing and doing fast stuff.
the ideal would be to be able to attend fine arts school -when they have a model! due to crisis..things are getting worse by the day there. that way i would be able to do paintings with a model as well.

ahhhhhhh! i understand.

funny thing, i've noticed-- there are some people who are really thrilled at the idea of being a model and would probably do it for free. especially if you're just taking photographs and they don't have to sit with you all day.

antagon i think works with a model for his photos, a girl with green hair. she has these nice fleshy arms and beautiful skin. i'd like to find out how he talked her into posing-- i don't think with money.

i'd look for people with tattoos, bright clothes, lots of jewelry, etc--they're already saying "look at me" i'm sure many would be flattered by such requests. add a bit of alcohol to yourself and i'm sure you can find a model for your photo studies. though getting volume to show up in photos can be a pain sometimes.

--

ETA: here's a good candidate:

lol and thanks!

or maybe, i should visit nursery houses (?) for old people. really interested in them too.
and today i thought with this talk..maybe i 'd like to paint an underweight male, for a change. or a challenge.

------p.s. googling for nude is a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

must spread more butter

go for it!

That really really sucks. And as far as I know, the only way to get rid of the guilt is to forgive yourself. I'm told that's a difficult trick to pull off.




Ug. More sucking. There really is a huge difference between quality of life and quantity, isn't there? After a point, is one more day a blessing or just a burden?

Anyway, our situations may be different, but everyone felt tremendous relief when she passed and yesterday's funeral was actually a fairly joyous occasion. I hope your family finds the same comforting closure.

---

Lesson I learned: How to get over fear of death? Live nine decades.

I always live knowing that the "later years" of life are not guaranteed to anyone.

My father died when I was 17. He was 44.

Living your life as if you are waiting or preparing for old age is not productive. Not doing things because "It will take 5 years off your life" is pointless. It will take the last years of your life, (if you are lucky to live that long anyways) ...

My ex-grandma in law lived to be 95. She lived alone in a little appartment with her plants for 94 years before her health crashed and she was placed in hospice care.

My grandma is 99. My aunt who takes care of my grandma is 73, has a 91 year old husband, and is burdened with taking care of two invalids, both deaf, both ornery and not choosing to wear hearing aids... She tells me it is so hard. She also tells me that seeing them (her mom and husband) lets her understand that if you want to do something DO IT NOW. Do not wait for the "right time" The right time is NOW. she wants to smoke weed, she wants a tattoo, she wants to live life that she did not get to in her previous 73 years.

My father in law is 87 years old, and for the last 10 years has told anyone who listens how he is tired, nothing interests him anymore, all his friends are dead, and that life seems pretty pointless to him. He never drank, he smoked cigs for 60 years, is in near perfect health except for diabetes and sciatic nerve damage in his hip, and looks 20 years younger than he is, but he is FED UP.

Life is different for everyone, and the idea that there is ONE path in life, ONE end goal, only one way to "successfully" live, is a fucking disgrace and a disservice to all humans.

sounds like a fucking burden imo.

I am talking to this polish boy, he is fly, let me tell you.

Also, classes are over and my apartment is clean somehow and I feel comfy, this is nice. I am a bit sad cause people keep emailing me about how they won't be able to make it to my birthday party on monday

I want everyone to feel nice, can we please all feel nice? I will give you some of my magic potion and we can all feel nice together. We'll be a bit sleepy but that's okay. Sleepy is nice.

All I want for my birthday is sunshine and to be in a good mood, but my mum bought me the new iphone and two really ugly mugs. the mugs i adore because no one is going to steal ugly mugs.

This is the existential struggle that is no different when folks are 15, 55, or 95, how to simply enjoy living? THIS is what people get into religion and philosophy for, to help find some sense of purpose and meaning to life. The purpose of life is to live well with others, and learn over time to live well with yourself. If that takes God to make ones feel valued, that is one route, if folks feel they can find internal value without the help of God(s) that is cool too, but finding peace within ones' self is the penultimate goal of life. Religion isn't about finding what is wrong with other people, its about finding and healing what is wrong with yourself, and those who try and misuse religion to prop up their egos are really only riding for a fall..



No, but there are a lot of motherfuckers that break what they refuse to steal ;)

Either way, happy birthday yo, like Jimi said, "I wish you peace, love, and happiness.. happiness..happiness.."

what Rob said.



books and poetry must have been written for this absurd relationship between people and time.

and a side note; thats why i dont agree with the term 'midlife crisis'.
the negative flair around it.

the title "brave men run (in m family)" makes my head hurt

do the brave men (the ones she has in her family) run
or
do brave men run in her family, is it something that occurs in her family often
or
do brave men (whom she is not related to) run to wherever her family is

Maybe she has brave men who, in her family, enjoy running as a form of exercise?

i thought it was about thruston fleeing

is he brave tho

The final moments......

I was at work Wednesday night when my mom called saying the nursing home called the family in. Because we were short staffed, I couldn't leave work. My wife and 12 year old daughter (turning 12 today - Happy Birthday 80) went in my place to be with my mom and her brother.

Throughout the night, my wife would text me updates. As each hour passed, his pulse, blood-pressure and breathing slowed / lowered.

At 5:52 Thursday morning, my wife texted: he is gone.

I got off work at 7am and made it to the nursing home thirty minutes later. My Grandfather was still in his bed and the family was sitting around waiting for the funeral home to come pick up the body. In a odd way, it was comforting to sit with his body for thirty minutes.

Drove my mom to the funeral home about this time yesterday to meet her brother and make final arrangements. Visitation this evening and the funeral tomorrow morning.

i hope you guys are all alright bytor

Never better!

My Grandfather had a good long run. He grew up in hard times with his family who followed the regional cotton crops to earn a living. To be truthful, we're all a bunch of bitches compared to the true hardships endured by our Grandparents.

I'm looking forward to seeing friends and family we haven't seen in years......probably since the last family funeral. They'll be stories told and lots of laughter mixed in with a few heartfelt tears......and the food :D

Wow...it's nice to see you taking this well. Normally it's easier to mourn the death of the elderly....and exactly for that reason....you realized they had their run. Many are at peace because of it too. Hope all stays well with you guys.

I'm very happy for you and your family that the difficult part is over with.

same here!

i'll light a candle for him on Sunday, in fact, a dear family friend passed away last night too who I loved more than I realized.. I got to light a few candles on Sunday :(

it is a pun.

Brave men run in her family (the men in her family are brave)

OR

Brave men run in my family (the men in her family RUN LIKE FUCK to get away)

great song

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/video...xuA8CmwkmZ5e56

^^^HARD LOL!!! hahaha!!

Such, ill giveyou a massage for that shit!! must spread.