you're fucking awesome and you will make it and be the badass that you are. you can hurl, too. but just saying.

i have so much random shit, i'm almost glad i'm not in a studio. i mean, i'm glad i'm not anyways because it's sort of nice to come home and have kvetch sessions/cooking together/etc but man. just ephemera like commemorative glasses or wallets i don't use or etc. i hate stuff.

the guy i spoke to was a lot more subtly condescending than fletcher in whiplash, although it's the same kind of sentiment, just turned waaaay down.

if you like, i could post a video here of me playing one of my audition pieces.

teaching is kind of a last resort thing for me. i definitely don't want to go into education and the fact that i don't want to i think would make me a terrible teacher, at least in the public-school kind of sense. i could definitely give individual lessons and have in the past, and i don't mind it, although it's not what i want to be doing. i have two goals, and achieving either one would be my dream: play piano professionally, be it as a touring entity that performs with orchestras or otherwise. my other goal is to make it in a band, preferably with me singing/on guitar. those are my two passions and i'd be over the moon to do either, so i guess in the meantime i'll swallow my pride and get started on my second degree.



you're awesome and you know it.

i saw a shirt today that said "NEW SMYRNA FUCKING BEACH" and prayed someone didn't pay for that

oh hell, that would be amazing. i'd love to see a video. what kidn of music you like/play?

and yeah-- those who can't, teach (lol sorry suchfriends).

do you give piano lessons? i had a friend in gradschool who gave lessons to rich kids and charged something like $50/hr. sweet money.

i also knew people who were in music grad school-- doing trans... whats the name-- transpositions? i forget. of classical music, etc. e.g, for piano to violin, stuff like that (thesis).

im supercurious about this ha ha. sorry if i'm being nosy.

let's be honest jade i would totally fucking buy that. lets' get matching ones and wander around that fucking disgustingly charming shithole of a town

https://www.facebook.com/terriblecan...772975/?type=3

sorry if it's low quality, recorded it on my phone and it's sloppy at the end... i think the description i wrote in the video addresses a lot of other insecurities i have about it

on piano i'm classically trained so that's really all i know how to do, and i really enjoy the process of learning/memorizing a piece and growing it. my last band played a funk/jazz/alt mixture and i really enjoyed the shit out of that too.

i taught piano lessons last summer and charged $40/hr which is a little steep but i'm the only teacher in the area. wasn't really feeling it this year after a mental breakdown i had over piano back in april and i'm glad i chose not to do it. i needed time off.

my intention was to become a performance major but after some thinking i think i'm just going to get a general BM degree and see where that takes me from here.

it has to be eye-searing neon green on pepto pink. did you know that the dunkin donuts in edgewater is now a DRIVE-THRU!? and in its old place is- you guessed- empty space. yet that little liquor store is STILL THERE. canal street actually looks super cute, i mean... for canal street.

edited because i ask "did you know" like you're really gonna be up to date on the edgewater plaza

holy fuck ABvB! i've heard that piece before, it's superfamiliar, don't know the name-- but i've heard it slower than you play it, you play it superfast? yes?

lol that you mention fletcher in your comments ha ha ha.

lissen-- whatever you do-- don't rob yourself the joy. i used to have this friend (with dubious benefits) that simply up and quit playing the cello because she claimed she "wasn't good enough". and she played no more. ever. of course she was fucking bananas, too. i fled soon after.

fuck, if i played an instrument like that, i'd be having fun with it. if you have to be the bestest player in the universe before you have fun you're doing it wrong. amirite? what you're doing is superfun, and you got mad skills so SHUT UP FLETCHER. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. FUCKING FLETCHER.

fletcher is not happy until you bleed all over. fucking psycho.

$40/hr is not steep-- maybe in your area but not the east coast, etc. as for other gigs you could have in college (to dodge debt if you can) once during a james joyce reading (true story) i met this piano guy who made money by playing in bars/hotels. a good gig apparently. well, dc is full of fancy hotels. but still. an idea.

WELL, BREAK A LEG, YOU!

i'm sort of rambling here cuz i gotta go but yeah, congrats on making it.

wheeeeeeeeee

exciting...

can we go there? please? can we go to all our dumb hangouts and drive around in the middle of the night listening to brand new? i miss that shit so much you have no idea
and i want you to meet max too.

i wanna meet him! and YES OF COURSE WE CAN. there's even an applebees now in the mall parking lot for when we feel like topping off the night's adventures with undercooked appetizers. or we can go to the updated chilis where mom and tom are on first name basis.

thanks dude. it's the third movement of moonlight sonata, the one that no one ever hears because they're so captivated by the first movement. it needs to be played more!

it's really hard for me to believe i'm good enough, after years of being told i never will be. i figure it's a lot like self-esteem, especially in the fact that if you have too much of it, you're oblivious to what needs to be improved, but if you have too little you're kind of stuck down in the mud and unable to help yourself. the latter happened to me back in april and it hit me hard, made me wonder if i even wanna do this, and get told even more i'm not good enough, but the final answer in my head was yes, i do wanna do this.

again, thanks for the kind words.

let's go to all the dumb bars in daytona beach and fucking own the place like i know we can. and then let's go eat some shitty appetizers and slam some mediocre overpriced margaritas

chilis margarita is at LEAST "fairly decent," if we're honest, but YES.

what even kind of fabric is wade wearing?

who in the fuck ever even knows?

i slept superultrawell last night.

went to bed with massive back pain, shouder pain--- i wake up-- NOTHING

first night on the thermarest. holy fuck. it's the greatest.

ahhh yes.


good enough for what?


i know there's this tradition of flogging people in classical music, but really you don't need punishment to improve at anything. real self-esteem is not attached to performance (though people try to make it that way so they can manipulate others). you can have ultrahigh self esteem and still be able to say "i fucked up today". in fact it makes it easier to recognize mistakes because your self esteemed is not tied up to some idea of perfection. it's good mental health. don't know if that makes sense? i can explain better if you're curious.


it's great that you're doing it! and you should definitely have fun with it and enjoy it.

--

wow i slept so great last night. soooooo great. it's insane. i've never slept like this before, i think. it's like i've been sick for a while and suddenly got cured.

it feels like being reborn. it's not the best bed but sleeping in my own room on my own bed has improved my sleep ten thousand percent this past week. glad to hear you feel better.

totally. it's like... having no body.. well because the body has been giving you pain, so the pain is gone and... where is the body? oh, there, in that relaxed feeling.

really amazing.

and congrats on the room, virginia woolf!

when are you gonna start writing? i wanna seeeeeeeee!

tee hee, it really is my peaceful escape. i actually was thinking of picking up to the lighthouse this week, never reas it.

im trying to put together a big intro post for a blog I want to get online this week- it's perfect timing that that dfw movie comes out this week and this is my 8 month anniversary of being clean, so no time like now to blog

how's your morning? i have another half hour to kill before ten hours of work

my morning is great. i have some conference call later but i'm not too worried about it. damn, i feel sooo sooo goood! i was skeptical last night before testing the thing-- "too thin" i thought. "maybe i should order the thicker one". holy shit. was i proved wrong.

but yeah hm it's 9am and i haven't eaten anything yet-- not hungry maybe because i slept so well? thinking about making sencha. i actually feel like doing absolutely nothing and just enjoy being. know what i mean?

--

let me know when the blog is up

probably by end of the week.

that was supposed to be my day yesterday, truly doing nothing, but i didn't know that now cashing my check takes a longer bus trip than previously to get around and between that and the rain it took three hours for a trip to Walmart. i came home and had to take an hour to stop seething.

my credit union has a mobile app so i just take a picture of the thing and blam, deposited.

sorry to hear your lazy day was messed up. if other people's pain is any consolation (ha ha ha) we spent the weekend moving. yes, there was some time off but it was mostly stress. and some mutual yelling, ha ha ha. it wasn't the funnest weekend but it's okay now.

put madame !@#$%! on the thing earlier this morning and she's now giggling. i'm ordering the 2nd pad today. giggles are good.

i have to go to walmart for mine which is the worst sort of sensory overload. the cashier didn't understand that people can write signatures differently and stood for a solid two minutes going between looking at me and my id card. sigh.

a nap sounds fantastic, actually. I'm off to go stare into the abyss and sell sushi, but I hope your day is awesome

This could be the story of my (current) life. Remember: Dress to impress. At least tuck in your shirt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=142&v=ZU3Xban0Y6A

yours too! selling sushi is not a bad thing at all.

I need to buy a new modem. I have to go to Walmart, too. It's always an experience.

You're a G.

Thank you, SFAD.

i think i finally found the right person for me.

Aw, shucks. I like you, too, TC.

<3 aw man you deserve it

i ended up going home early and trying a terrific ipa... so the day evened out.

thanks, for once in my life i think i deserve it too

and what i wouldn't give to share a beer with you again. fuuuuck.

you always deserve it

broooo. we need to get a goat farm, maybe in st augustine, and chill out our days sharin' an ipa.

this is for when you're ready some day:

http://www.amazon.com/Sepp-Holzers-P.../dp/160358370X

http://www.holzerpermaculture.us

i'm on a 3G cell tether right now so i can't exactly see what im posting ha ha ha

but yeah

i'd kill for a nice garden with my own food and some nice flowers. as much of an urbanite there is in me waiting to gtfo out of here

dude i'd be so down, and i feel you on getting the fuck out. part of me wants to go back to florida and part of me never ever wants to live there ever again. i love seasons too much.

when i drove home with my old teacher the other week he was like dude, i'll write a letter anywhere you need a rec, go to europe... thinking maybe if i ever pay off this stupid debt to just apply to foreign schools and finish my degree for free abroad. i'm half completely serious about it. wanna go to germany?