"How're you doing?"
 

"Living the dream," is sometimes my smart-ass response.

Or, "Another sunny day in hell."

What are some other quips I can use in casual reply to this question posed to me almost daily by everyone from mail room clerks to the next-door neighbor?

Can't be too outlandish or esoteric or obscene for general use, you understand. Something that sounds sort of "every man" but that's also a bit creative or interesting.

I am doing fine, and quite dandy, 'bout yourself?

"Average."

It depends :
- if the person asking the question actually means "how are you doing" , there's no problem answering.
- if it's a formal question , which means anything but "how are you doing" , you can answer:
I hate myself and I wanna die/what do you care?

"peachy".

i'm doing good

"I haven't killed anyone yet, but the day is young."

i'm not good, someone's deleted a few of my posts? how? why?

I'm with the AIDS.

"I'm not dead yet"


or


"gassy from eggs"

In real life I usual just respond "hmff"

nobody ever says "gassy from eggs."

"I told you i was ill"

Good one.

There's no worse fart than an egg fart. Unless it's a beer fart.

"I'm in scissor shock."

"perfect in every way"

i am... okay

How about, in a paranoid tone, "What do you mean?"

im good thanks and your self?

oh thats good, yeh iv been busy gettign ready for christmas, how about you?

yehh its like that isnt it

oh really? thats insane, i might consider looking into it next time

alright, well thanks for dropping by...

cya

If I know them fairly well I usually just say "Yeah, well, you know." It lets them make their own conclusions.

What's wrong with a simple "I'm fine"?