WWBD?
 

Many times in our travels through this crazy little thing called life, one might find oneself in a situation that calls for heroic action, or at a minimum, involved in a mission-critical dilemma that calls for a split-second decision. Like a boy scout, one must always be prepared. You might find it helpful to embody the attitude, beliefs, and behavior of somebody you admire. Like an actor, virtually crawl into the skin of your hero so that at any moment you are prepared to act wisely, precisely, and effectively.

One might, as I do, ask oneself, "What would Bond do?"

Situation #1: I'm in a bar and need to blend into the crowd while also keeping my faculties sharp. The mission is at stake, and alcohol is out of the question. I ask for a cherry Coke and the barkeep pulls out a can of Cherry Coke. This is unacceptable. Number one, I'll stand out, I won't look like I'm holding a mixed drink. Number two, it tastes like shit.

What would Bond do?

Say: "No, that won't do. Put down the bloody can, pick up a clean glass. Now pour 1 ounce of cherry syrup and 5 ounces of Coke from the fountain. One cube of ice."

You might get a quizzical look. Press on: "Look, I know you've got the resources. Just do it and make it fast."

Other examples?

Now this is inspiring.

It's in the opening line, isn't it. That really grabbed you.

Situation #2: I'm at a poetry reading, spying on a disturbed young woman carrying valuable information. I'm pressed to recite something of my own, but I can't write a damn thing.

What would Bond do?
I take my shirt of, and when all of the women start fighting over me, I single out the girl and ask her to get me out of there. We leave together, and after three rounds of very rough sex and more inappropriate ass-slapping than Drew Carey at a comedy club, I tie her to a chair and pistol-whip the information out of her.

Yes. The felt the firm grip of Bond by proxy.

Cry?! Bond doesn't bloody cry. What's wrong with you.

Number one, Bond wouldn't show up unprepared to write poetry. If you were embodying the Bond model, you'd have something virtually written by the time it was even your turn. You would purposely falter in the middle of your recitation, however, after catching your girl's eyes. You apologize, go on, and afterwards, go up to your target and say something to the effect of how dare she make this so difficult for you.

I hope this helps.

He does what he needs to.

He doesn't bloody cry. Ever. Got it?

Okay okay. I fixed it.

My God, man, think next time!

I'm sorry! I'm not used to this genre.

thats what the watered down martinis were all about

If you're going to survive, you'll need to catch on quickly.

And don't apologize! Would Bond apologize?

ass-slappery and the rough sex is the only bit i'm concerned with

That's fine. Just make sure you do it well.

I need to try making the Vesper model some time. They're supposedly pretty tasty.

Hmmm...

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Situation #3: I'm running through a crowd of people after an armed war criminal, and I run into a lady holding a bag of groceries. The bags fall to the ground, carrots skittering over the cement (hm...), and her heel breaks. She yells at me in a Russian accent: "Ar-en't you going to ap-o-lojize?"

What would James Bond do?

Grab her by the head and kiss her, then hand her a card from my hotel, wink, and take off again.

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No. No he doesn't.

Lady. Young, old? Beautiful, ugly?

It's all situational, of course. Average or ugly, keep moving and don't even look back. What's one Russian bitch on the cobblestones when the world could blow up in the next minute?

Young and beautiful, grab her and use her as a decoy or body shield in your pursuit. If she survives, there's a good chance, well, you know the drill, so to speak.

James Bond doesn't run into ugly chicks. Ever.

bond eats it