I broke up with my girl yesterday
 

Oh how pathetic, but....shit, that hurts.

We've been together for 4 years and the reason for splitting was that the relationship was not moving anywhere (translated - I did not want to move in with her).

shit.

not that anyone would care, but any support would be appreciated. I feel fucked up as never before and have to be pretending that I'm entusiatic at work.

cheers !

i´m sorry for you, dude
don´t know what to say
it´s always hard to break up with someone
and a 4 year relationship is pretty long

good luck to you
my friend

thanks mate,
see you on Mogwai gig on Donaufestival in Krems tomorrow, perhaps.

oh man, i can't wait to get home from work to get wasted.

unfortunately i won´t be there
i can´t afford the tickets

are you going to Wolf Eyes, NNCK or something else?

Of course we care! I hope you don't feel too bad, and that things start to look up soon.

thats rough man, keep the chin up and get wasted, i had a nasty little lasing from love lately and been the irish chap i am i drank me way thru it, probably not the best thing to do be fuck it, it helps, stoned or drunk or whatever your poision is, look after yourself and hold the head up, time heals all wounds

Cry cry cry, it's freeing. Hope you won't get wasted too long & got flesh & bones pals to meet, talk, play with et al.

my poison is beer, although tonight I'm gonna lock up in my room with 2 litres of bitter red wine, just for the irony of it.

i am a slovakian chap, we do it the same way as the irish :)

right now I'm listening to Labradford, it kind of fits the moment

just Mogwai and Silver mt.Zion. I wish to see Battles, but it's in the weektime, so I gotta wake up for work next day

well best of luck to you man, you'll be ok in time, know that sounds a bit stupid now but sup up the wine you'll be fine if you give it some time, oh look i made a rhyme..
dont be locked up on your own either, get somebody to drink up with you.

Sorry to hear that slavo.

You can blow sunshine up your own ass, but things WON'T start to look up soon - you're going to feel like recycled donkey shit for ages. Here's a half-assed psychological thingie (since I just woke up and I'm not a psychologist anyhow):

I always find that the things that really make a breakup worse are the constant reminders of that person; the mental associations you make between certain things you do in a day and that person's role in them. You went to a a certain coffee shop together; both liked the same film; listened to the same bands; etc. So you put on an album and all of a sudden you're fucking miserable because you're reminded of this chick.

You have to destroy these mental associations, not avoid them; avoidance only makes it worse. Don't stop doing the things you associate with her; just intersperse them with new shit, that was totally unrelated to your relationship. If the old associations are painful, you seize that pain, relish it, magnify it, wallow in it. Slowly, they become independent of your relationship with her, and as you find new things to do on your own, you move on, almost without realizing it.

Keep busy. Be self-indulgent and wallow in the pain for a bit; as cliche as it is, that's part of any 'grieving' process. Get drunk and maudlin, definitely cry, and obnoxiously grab strange girls' asses in the bar. This is going to hurt, like a syphilitic whore, for quite some time, but don't avoid it. No matter what any tree-hugging, peace-loving bastard says, pain/hatred/bitterness are essential to survival. They keep you sharp. Otherwise you become a complacent asshole and you lose your identity.

Fuck her, she probably farts in bed anyhow.

yes, that's clever thinking. I'm gonna do that exactly the way you said.
The worst thing probably is that we broke up in friendship and whole yesterday's night she kept telling me: "whenever you feel bad or anything, just give me a call or meet me, we're gonna talk", but I'm kind of angry because she knows I tend to get depressive from time to time and she feels sorry. and that's full of crap. we could have at least argued or something like that...

she's a great girl though. I will post some mp3s that she's recorded with her band.

I would say, don't hang around with her right away; you definitely need some space so you can wallow, and not lose perspective. Good that you stayed friends though.

don't overindulge in music.. especially the stuff you listened to together..
keep your immediate environment clean of anything that could remind her..
yes, time will help, but don't leave yourself alone.. go out with friends and do rebound sex if you can..
it all helps..

one option would be to draw on her photos - snot running down her nose..
that's closure..

so much support.
I didn't expect so many friendly talks!!!!

it doesn't make life easier, but it's nice.

so for all of ya:

I'm sorry to hear this _slavo_. I know how rough this can be on anyone.
But, take truncated's advice, stay away from each other as long as you can. Then when you finally get to see her again, it will brighten up your life just a bit more.

Damn man, I know how you feel. Sorry to hear about it :(. Last month I was going to do the same because it wasn't moving anywhere, but I never really got the guts to do it, it's tough. Well I hope things get better dude, keep it real.

I'm sorry for you..:-(

when you split up with someone. all i can say is that it will be very hard for a while, a long while what with consant reminders and general memories floating around. all i can say is after the initial wallowing period which happens to everyone you must get out and do things and stay active as if you wallow too much it will turn you into a jibbering wreck that no one will want to see. good luck.

you people are being very nice. This is gonna be my following schedule:

1. Tonight - getting wasted from red wine
2. Tomorrow - Mogwai gig
3. Sunday - pub with friends
4. Next week and forever - smile at people, act, refresh my long forgotten habits and beliefs, live

SONIC LOVE!

There will be a point when you realize the great freedom she has now given you and be incredibly happy.

Hey sorry to hear this _Slavo_ !I hope you will either try to sort your differences out or you will find another girl who you will be willing to spend time with.

Chicks are headwreckers. Switch teams.

Yeah! My girlfriend is Straightedge and vegetarian, so she really doesn't like it when I drink...especially after making out with her cousin once when I was drunk. So take advantage of being free

Love of my life - you've hurt me
You've broken my heart and now you leave me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know -
What it means to me

Love of my life - don't leave me
You've taken my heart and now desert me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know -
What it means to me

You will remember -
When this is blown over
And everything's all by the way -
(Oooh yeah)
When I grow older
I will be there at your side to remind you
How I still love you - I still love you

hurry Back - hurry back
Please bring it back home to me
Because you don't know
What it means to me

Love of my life
Love of my life ...
Oooh, oooh...



Just to make you feel bad. Just kidding, hurts at first but life being life things turn around.

Yeah I can understand not wanting to move in with somebody. Good luck man on yr new adventure!

Awww that really sucks :(

slavo I feel for you. I too am going on the outs with a girl i've been seeing for about a year (minus or split when I went to college)... we can;t work it out. Never time for eachother, parents don't like me, friends don't like me, sometimes i don't like me for going back. Ehm... the talk is soon... that's going to be low... good thing I've already started on various poisons....
but anywho, good luck man. Just try not to wake up wasted in an alley with a shirtless hobo. Not a good feeling.

You've got a problem with hoboes?

no they got a problem with you!

i don't think i can't add anything because i'm very pathetic with girls, so all i can say to you is that you are not alone and that, while it hurts like nothing in the world, you'll feel better little by little

hey man, the truth is, relationships move forward or die. i can understand her wanting to get more serious or looking elsewhere. that just happened to my brother in law-- girlfriend wanted to start making "plans" and he didn't. so they split. (they are both around 30 though, not 18, so this makes sense)

the thing is, you can't really be "friends" with her, because you can always increase intimacy but you can't withdraw it. when you're with her you'll be thinking of sex-- and friends don't have sex (mostly-- there are of course exceptions). relationships that end like that, you hang out again (hard not to, after 4 years), have a little consolation sex, think of going back, then decide not to, and on and off until the final hard breakup comes.

if you REALLY like this girl and she's great and you won't ever find one like her, you might want to reconsider the move-in. if you DO NOT want to commit yourself, and feel pushed and manipulated, think this is some kind of blackmail, you're not free to decide, etc, then let her go-- but you gotta let her have space to find a new dude. and enjoy your new freedom-- but as people have told you, it's not going to happen soon. suck it up! it will get better.

i split up with an amazing girlfriend when i was... 18 or 19... because she was so great i was afraid i'd be with only one woman all my life. and i was curious! i wanted to travel! meet women! so i split. and for a long time that seemed like a stupid move; but today i don't regret it at all. the adventures didn't really compare, but at least i learned that by myself. and the truth is that i just wasn't ready to settle, and things would have gone to shit eventually. so it all worked out in the end.

now go & get plastered, you'll need it.

yeah, all I do is drink these days.
it's good to have mates and somebody to hang out with.

been with her yesterday, she's told me she's seeing another chap. just friends-wise, but anyway, she wants to be happy as well as I do. it's just too fucked up that we didn't manage to be happy together.

but, shit, I really love her.

hey i know this. felt the same somewhere last yeard, and i remember posting sad topics on the board too! so cheer up man, have drinks, play music, enjoy music, enjoy life somehow accepting the idea that living with her like forever just didn't happened!
probably this girl will always stay something weird special inside you so i think thats not the worst thing to happen with you both.
cheer up and have fun man.