Post your best insults.
 

I was watching some stand up & I heard this one & it had me rolling "Go suck a bag of dicks" totally wrong but too fucking funny. To bad the rest of the stand up sucked.

Amateur comedian at an open mic night vs Heckler

Heckler: "Youre shit"
Comedian: "Im shit... well... its a good job this isnt my day-job then innit? This is just a hobby of mine, and youre heckling me...
You know how i dont come onto child porn messageboards and give you a hard time?"
It was good in the sense that i didnt expect it.

another comedian talking about road rage.

Comedian: So I'm driving and cut this guy off then he gets all pissed. He pulls up next to me in the next and shouts "Yo, Man, I'm gonna rape you!" So then I say "Yeah, well try it!"

adding "AND yo momma" into any insult is a sure bet.


ie:
"fuck you AND yo momma!"
"you AND yo momma are bitches."


etc

I personally like fuck you & the horse you came in on!!!

fuck face is always nice.
Also.
Nice _______, do they make it for guys?

Telling a person to suck it easy!!! is also fun.

I think "Eat a bag of dicks" is much better. it forgoes the somewhat veiled homosexual slur in place of one suggesting cannibalism.

!@#$%! wins the internet.

That's really funny, because I saw the title of this thread and immediately thought of "eat a bag of dicks". I always use that one. Works every time, I tell ya.

Also if someone gives me a dirty look, I'll tell them they've got some serious 'tude on there face.
Their expression will then change to a confused, somewhat defeated, but insulted look. Sometimes they just wipe their face with a shirt sleeve.

I have to say none of the insults on this page seem particularly cutting to me

Some kid in my high school was especially hard for no apparent reason. Like, somebody would offend him and he'd just say "yeah, but you are fucking ugly, you look hideous. you're never going to have children. i hope you die.".

I don't think mother insults are very offensive. They're so impersonal. Especially if the insulter is not familiar with the insultee's own mother.

A few of my personal favorite's and who spoke them:
"I hope your children wear diapers into adulthood"-some girl I know
"scum-cunted mouth-breather"-me
"(she's)so ugly I wouldn't fuck her with your dick"-me
"You should be sterilized" - me (I consider this an insult)

"Go run backwards naked through a cornfield, jerk."

Jerk is optional.

Ya bunch of broomheads.

i always just tell people to go fuck themselves.

That always works too.

"Your pubes are white."

I like just calling people really atrocious things, like "filthy, rotting scum scraped off the inside of a festering, moldy cunt."

I think this works best against a straight guy:
Fuck you up the ass with a dildo by your grandmother!

It works because they usually think you're going to stop after "fuck you" but, of course, you don't.

Also, I was looking through some myspaces (all highschool age people) and this one person called themselves: Go die somewhere!
I like that one.

"you liked rather ripped!"

OH SHIT.

"ill rape your mothers slit throat"

haha i have never said that, but its pretty mean

Walt Disney was a Racists.

alien anal, i'm pretty sure that's a slipknot lyric.

being serious or just mocking slipknot?

My fave insult words at present are "twunt" and "bumsniffer".

Pillock has never been bettered in my view.

My favourite insult, in my native tongue, is:

"Pal do pice"

Very, very nasty language.

Bumsniffer, hey. I remember Bumrooter* was a popular one when I was younger.

*Root being an Australian slang term for fuck/sex.

Is that similar to "Jdi do prdele!"?

I believe he was serious, though the lyric reads:
"I'm gonna slit your throat, and fuck the wound". Don't thank me.

Btw, my best insult ever:
"You guys are a great cover band. Really"


(coverband in one or separate words?)

sheesh ey, kids and their dang angry lyrics

if your a woman in a relationship and you argue with your man just turn, look at him and with a cold stare say ' you have never made me cum'.

yeah, but literally it means: "Go to cunt".

Pardon my French, it's nasty, I warned you.

Just calling people names or telling them to fuck off is extremely unimaginative and doesn't leave much of an impression. You need something with a twist, a comedic element.

The favorite line I've armed myself with so far is: "Are you a full-time idiot or is this just a hobby?"

You took that off HAI on RYM.

It appears that my best insult is to call someone "a stinky poo". It doesn't seem to do much good though.

Two of my friends were going out once and Val (Andrew's girlfriend) told him that he would be more useful to the world if he died, decomposed into the ground, and fed the natural vegetation around him.

Because she said this in the most matter-of-factly way, it was the best insult I've ever heard. Andrew still claims that he deserved it.