Tell a joke
 

And post it in this thread.

Guy walks into his house with a duck in his arm and then walks up to his wife and says "This is the pig i've been fucking". The wife replies "That's a duck, not a pig" to which he replies "I WAS TALKING TO THE DUCK NOT YOU!"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_bESBs3Lg7M

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dJcebIEOkhY

why where the bakers hands brown?

because he kneeded a poo

Ex-Husband
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

2 baloons fly the desert freely. one says:
watch out, a cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
while the other one says:
no shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttt

haha, king buzzo wins.I don't know if I've posted this yet, but:

Q: HOW MANY FREUDIANS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?

A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and one to screw his mother

I like this one.

Sorry buzzo, I don't really get yours.

quick! somebody ask me if i'm a truck.

Are you a truck?

"that's my joke!!!! i'll kill you!!!!!"

Q: what's the best thing about having sex with twenty seven year olds?
A: there's twenty of them!

How can you tell if a redneck is on her period?






















































She's wearing one sock.

bush, putin and sarkozy are sitting midflight in air force one, talking about special agencies and how they control situations, etc. until an argument about loyalty erupts, each of them say their secret service is more loyal than the others.

finally, putin stands up and says he'll prove his point, he opens the hatch of the plane and jumps out, no parachute or anything, he yells for the russian secret service people, they run, put on a parachute, jump off the plane and catch putin mid-fall, saving him.

then sarkozy stands up and does the same, calls the french secret service and jumps off the plane, without a parachute or anything; the french secret service burst in the room, comb the room for bombs in 2 seconds, put on a parachute, jump and catch sarkozy mid-fall saving him faster than the russian secret service did.

bush then stands up, goes to the hatch, jumps and seconds after jumping yells for the u.s. secret service to save him. a u.s. secret agent opens the door of the room and yells "make me"

what's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

one's fun to smash with a sledgehammer, the other's a watermelon.

haha:o

Hey! That's my chat up line for real. Girls don't laugh though, they normally just look a bit scared.

So this dude's playing piano in a cocktail lounge and his delightfully dressed-up monkey is going around the tables collecting tips. The monkey lands on a man's table, and the furry testicles land in the man's drink. Furious, he goes to the piano player.
"Do you know your monkey's balls are in my drink?"
"No, but maybe if you hum a few bars I can pick it up."

Holmes and Watson are camping, looking up into the night sky, and Sherlock asks Watson, "Tell me, what do you notice?"
Watson replies, "I notice a billion stars, the heavens spread out before us. I notice our mortal insignificance in the face of infinity, our spec-like existence in the unfathomable cosmos. I notice that the perfect order of the skies cannot be contemplated without considering a divine creator."
"Is that all Watson?"
"Pretty much. Why, what do you notice?"
"Watson, someone's stolen our tent."

Superman's flying around and sees what he's always wanted to see: Wonder Woman lying on a rooftop, in the buff, spead eagle. In a flash, he swoops down and pounds into her.
"How was that?" he breathlessly asks her after he finishes.
"Great," Wonder Woman replies. "But I don't think the Invisible Man will ever walk again."

Pavarotti arrived at the Pearly Gates. St Peter hands him over to God and says "here's the tenor I owe you"

Q: why does superman wear his pants on the outside?
A: because he's a pervert!

Bump. The world needs laughter.

nope.

btw, i just realized, you asked me this on my 23rd. balliiiiiiiiiin'!

hahaha i lol'd

ahh i've a different version.

superman's walking on the street and he sees wonder woman. he thinks 'hmm, if i use my super speed, i could fuck her and she'd never notice' so he does that comes up really fast and finished and wonder woman says 'whats that' and then invisible man says 'my butt hurts'

A duck walks into a bar a asks "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says "No." The next day the duck comes back and asks again "Do you have any grapes?" This goes on for three days until the bartender says "No we don't have any grapes and if you ask again I'll nail your feet to the floor!" The next day the duck comes back and asks "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says "No." "Good", says the duck, "Then I'll have some grapes."

Haha!

hahaha!!!