holiday work parties
 

i am now "that wife".

oops.

anyone have any holiday work party disaster stories?

ouch! no disaster stories from christmas parties, though. that's jesus' birthday.

by jesus you mean chicken wing? so tender and mild? (which is how my kid has been singing silent night and i told him he probably shouldn't do that at school... since someone might get a little upset he's substituting chicken wing for holy infant)

Tell him to preach on.

Office parties: to be avoided. I've had a good season of crashing other people's work parties whilst entirely avoiding three of my own. Winner.

I have a work party to attend on the 20th. I just found out yesterday that the managers organized a Secret Santa gift exchange, and pulled names for all of the employees. If I had known they were going to do this, I would have asked them to leave my name out of it, because I don't have $20 to spare for this dumb gift I have to buy for someone who may as well be a complete stranger. I mean don't these people realize that we have families and real friends we have to buy gifts for as well? Cunts.

yes. they are.




no. but what did you do?

at this party i may have done the following things:
punched someone's husband
went on and on and on about how hot this female employee is... to her... and i kept going on and i wrapped it up by telling her i'm not a lesbian.
called a bunch of people pussies.
told someone else's husband that we should go home together and his wife should go home with my husband. it didn't come out like i meant it to.

and some other stuff. i'm sorry, floatingslowly :(

ha ha-- how is that you meant it to come out?

but look on the bright side: you're in oklahoma

i'm sure that's the bread & butter of social life in your fine state

did this happen all recently, or is that your rapsheet?

eh, fuck it. sillier shit has been said at office parties. the sooner you guys start joking about it, the sooner you won't be "that wife" anymore.

i don't know how i meant it to come out. i... don't... know. i wasn't flirting.

oh no... i did all that last night at his work party.

i have a bad habit of calling people pussies when i drink.

there's this one guy who hates me because he's nickname is now pussy.

4th of july:
girl: hey everyone want a shot?
pussy: oh no... not me.
me: why the fuck not? you a fucking pussy? waaaah does your pussy hurt? awww your poor poor fucking pussy. you fucking pussy... just take a fucking shot, puss.
pussy: blank stare
girl: here are the shots! (and she brought the pussy one too... we all drink shots, including the pussy)
me: awww did that make your pussy feel better, you fucking pussy?

and on... and on....

i tried to tell him one night that i didn't really think he was a pussy... he didn't seem to care.

on the upside... someone out-wifed me after i left. she danced on a chair. i would NEVER make a spectacle of myself!

Girlgun marry me? Think of all the havoc we can create.

see? there you go! nothing to worry about.

I hate going to such things.

17 years! impressive!

synth... savage is going to kill you for using that! haha.

my dad is getting married in 2 hours. i'm hung the fuck over. the only thing that's gonna help is a drink. dammit.

Don't worry by the time he get here, with his Bike I will be in San Francisco.

haha I'm not mad. she was pretty bombed though. I had to get her out of there before she got any worse. I have to work with these people ffs and they are all a bunch of hens.

however, as mentioned, she was out-wifed.

the lady who's husband got punched (on stage during a trivia thing) didn't seem to care. she just wanted to talk about "chris' wife". hahahah

also of note, she:

• introduced herself as my "husband" to my boss.
• discovered a new love for wine. "I'm totally into the pink".
• asked to have a picture taken of herself with Vanessa and "Emily's ass"
• called me "pussy" so many times that I took her to the bar near our house afterward.
• insisted that she did all of this because she was "punk rock" (I agree).

it's all good because I got $50 out of the deal. good times.

I really wish there was video footage.
I say blame it on "stress" from the ice whatnot.

I bailed on the company party last week but I can't really get out of the departmental party next week. Just show up and hang for an hour, hopefully there will be some decent food. My boss for the past 7 years is retiring this month and in the past she would take us to a very expensive meal someplace with $100 bottles of wine and I would get FUCKED UP. Good wine is good!

There is an incredible amount of candy and sweets around from all the vendors.

Since I started working at home, every day's an office party of one. Woo hoo.

I read somewhere that more people get fired for what they did or said at holiday office parties than for any other reason.

ha ha no worries. just 2 days ago i called my wife's boss a pussy. oooops!

if anyone asks you, tell them you got involuntarily drunk because of all the stress of your house being invaded by icebergs

lol, i'm leaving for mine in an hour... they sprung for a buffet of fancy food and an open bar! at a country club! i'm gonna get thrashed! hopefully i'll still have a job tomorrow.

Actually, as long as it's free and alcohol is served, I'm there. It's the ones they hold in a dreary conference room with soda and cashews that I find excrutiating.

just don't say or do much! Drink happily but quietly and you'll be fine.

that's the guy who gets his desk moved to the basement.

Let me rephrase it. Drink friendly and make only small talk, circulate a little but don't stand out.

i am so glad i will never have to deal with this kind of shit my whole life.

I try to avoid them as much as I can, but sometimes you just get cornered and you have to go. I don't mind leaving parties so much because it's generally an occasion when everyone gets plastered and the person who is leaving slags off his/her entire department and collegues to comedy effect, but I simply don't particularly want to socialise with people from my own department so much, even though I get along with virtually all of them.

I got fired from my job.

what for?

so i went, and it was only an open bar for about 2 hours. but that was long enough for me to get pretty shitty. it was actually kinda boring, but the food was good. everybody started to leave about 2 hours into it. although me & my roomate (who was my date, lol) ended up going to a bar w/ a few of my kooler co-workers and their wives and getting even drunker, lol!

i had mine the other night - the eventful things what happened were some guy attempting to break my thumb in a club afterwards... and then also I witnessed a co-worker do a shit in the middle of the smoking area, which, to say the least, was pretty wild. Apparently the place is trying to get the police involved - which, if true, is great!