The angel of Haemarrhoids
 

Specifically, based on no evidence, do you think I, Sir Glice P. al-Harram-O'rhoids, am the angel of Haemarrhoids?

Vote now!

11And they send and gather all the princes of the Philistines, and say, `Send away the ark of the God of Israel, and it turneth back to its place, and it doth not put us to death -- and our people;' for there hath been a deadly destruction throughout all the city, very heavy hath the hand of God been there, 12and the men who have not died have been smitten with hemorrhoids and the cry of the city goeth up into the heavens.
1 Samuel 6


1And the ark of Jehovah is in the field of the Philistines seven months,
2and the Philistines call for priests and for diviners, saying, `What do we do to the ark of Jehovah? let us know wherewith we send it to its place?'
3And they say, `If ye are sending away the ark of the God of Israel, ye do not send it away empty; for ye do certainly send back to Him a guilt-offering; then ye are healed, and it hath been known to you why His hand doth not turn aside from you.'
4And they say, `What [is] the guilt-offering which we send back to Him?' and they say, `The number of the princes of the Philistines -- five golden hemorrhoidsand five golden mice -- for one plague [is] to you all, and to your princes,
5and ye have made images of your emerods, and images of your mice that are corrupting the land, and have given honour to the God of Israel; it may be He doth lighten His hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land;
6and why do ye harden your heart as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their heart? do they not -- when He hath rolled Himself upon them -- send them away, and they go?
7`And now, take and make one new cart, and two suckling kine, on which a yoke hath not gone up, and ye have bound the kine in the cart, and caused their young ones to turn back from after them to the house,
8and ye have taken the ark of Jehovah, and put it on the cart, and the vessels of gold which ye have returned to Him -- a guilt-offering -- ye put in a coffer on its side, and have sent it away, and it hath gone;
9and ye have seen, if the way of its own border it goeth up to Beth-Shemesh -- He hath done to us this great evil; and if not, then we have known that His hand hath not come against us; an accident it hath been to us.'
10And the men do so, and take two suckling kine, and bind them in the cart, and their young ones they have shut up in the house;
11and they place the ark of Jehovah upon the cart, and the coffer, and the golden mice, and the images of their emerods. 12And the kine go straight in the way, on the way to Beth-Shemesh, in one highway they have gone, going and lowing, and have not turned aside right or left; and the princes of the Philistines are going after them unto the border of Beth-Shemesh

Right, all well and good, but nothing to do with Haemarrhoids.

by the way, the whole point of that story was that the Philistines were struck with Hemhorroids, which are issues of blood out the ass, the only issues of blood by the way, which according to Leviticus, make a MAN ritually unclean like a menstruous woman, and therefore can not go near the Ark of the Covenant, so essentially, the curse on the Philistines was to make them unclean before the Ark which they had stolen. any jew or hebrew would have instantly got the joke.

well i'm fairly sure god never appointed an angel of haemarrhoids before, so i don't think you'll be treading on any toes if you were to appoint yourself as such

Hemorrhoids (AmE), haemorrhoids (BrE)

Acceptable.

Glice - 1
Kegmama - 0

actually, that was my above threads point as well.

instantly i'm sure

I need more data before I can vote.

most importantly, do you own a majick wand of smiting?

Aren't Jews known for their sharp, witty, acerbic and (most of all) quick wits? And those hats. Gotta love those Jew-hats.

Don't forget controlling the media and the world's finances.

And feeling bad about not calling their mothers.

americans aren't afraid of the z.

You could always trying winning at Scrabble by knowing more words, like a proper country.

i know big words and stuff and what have ya.

I hope this helps.

is there an icd 9 code for that?

i once found a sticker on the ground here in Los Angeles that said:

HEY NIGGER, GOD IS WHITE!
SMASH JEW INSPIRED COMMUNISM AND ANTI-CHRIST RACE MIXING!

scared the shit out of my to think of such racism as being local

that depends upon whether or not yr jew hat is bleeding, prolapsed, strangulated or ulcerated.

without further specification, it would be 455.6.

in this specific case, the secondary code of E979.8 (Terrorism involving other means - drowning and submersion, lasers, piercing or stabbing instruments) may also apply.

haha.

Do they make a "Preparation J?"

People who just sit all day in front of computers get haemaeharrrhohohoids.

always looking to erradicate the jews, you fucking nazi.

So what, have you ever read kill the fags in a bathroom at a gay club?

living in florida, i have to deal with stuff like that all the time.

i haven't read this thread at all but when you say "angel of hemorrhoids" (or "haemarrhoids", in your limey dialect) do you mean that you are an angel with a bleeding asshole or do you mean that you are put in charge by the deity to give the gift of a swollen drippy anus to human beings?

because i can tell you right away, you are no angel.

now, do you have a bleeding rectum? and is it related to the fisting?

Glice is a top when it comes to fisting, I am not sure about other things.

how do you know this? did he pump your fudge?

zog is watching this thread.

He taught me how to do it with handcuffed as well.

Yeah, I thought the same - I'll work on a short story that won't get finished with this title no doubt.

i pity the poor bastard

Haemarrhoids are nothing special. Most of us will get them sooner or later.

Tokolosh's favorite book:

"The Grapes Of Wrath"