I'd rather get it off my chest on here than anywhere else
 

Hello, my name is sarramkrop, a victim of child abuse and the fruit of violence in the family. I never said a word and kept my head up till now, Went to differnet counsellors, tried everything that would hide it from the rest of the world, but obviouslty noone gives much of a shit, perhaps because my being strong about it got totally confused with not caring about myself first, then others. Wrong. always got the impression that I was around people I could trust talk to about it, obviously not, nobody knows about how to deal with this sort ofthing. I am, or so it seems, not allowed to be human, but others are. I only like to isolate myself more and more and more. Do not judge me, please.

hello porky.

i don't know how to "share", sorry, in here, but ok.

you should write it all on a piece of paper and let it go.

i disagree.

---

i'm listening.

there are risks with doing this on the public interwebs but ok.

i understand you feel that way but actually that's not true. you maybe haven't found them yet, that's all, or maybe you found them but didn't let them, or maybe they failed you, but that doesn't have to always be the outcome. my point is i hope you keep trying.

while the internet is a dicey place to have one let everything out, you have plenty of friends here and outweigh the people that aren't, and we support you

what he means is, if someone comes here trying to be a prick to you, we'll fuck them up good.

I think in this context it's a relatively safe place to let everything out. Anonymity and the ability to edit or delete is very handy.

And from my experience of him here and my one face-to-face meeting with porky, he's definitely one of the better people.

ah, the duke nukeem method

i seriously find it highly unlikely that no one gives a shit. i am sure it just feels like that sometimes (like now, i'm sure, after what you've been through lately). i'm not sure any of us ever really get over anything. i think we just sometimes learn to live with it and deal with it the best way we can. sometimes those ways aren't especially healthy and that's where changes sometimes need to be made. i suppose we have to make a conscious effort to deal/vent/live in the most healthy way despite that stuff. i am sorry you have that carry around though. i really am. how old are you? (i am new here)

Nobody I am around knows how to deal with this. I am feeling so exasperated with people in general. I try to sleep it over, but it doesn't happen because I can hardly sleep or eat properly. My general supply of energy has run ever so dry. I hate feeling like this and put my feelings on some messageboard but I am ever so surrounded by people I don't trust anymore and I simply don't know where to turn to. It's not like I didn't try or anything, it's just that I have reached my limit and I want to just get it off my chest very publicly. It might not do any good, I undersatnd, but I NEED TO LET IT OUT, I do.

I am ever so sorry to bore you with this, it's just the feeling of complete exasperation that got a grip of me.

in my opinion... if that's what it feels like you should be doing, you're probably right. you just gotta do what you can to get by sometimes.. ya know?

i'm sorry... i'm kind of insignificant around here and you don't know me at all, but your posts break my heart. feel compelled to reply.

For what it's worth, I think you're one of the good ones.

this unit most humbly apologizes for recent postings made in the name of self entertainment.

[end: program]


sweet baby jesus in the sky I have a talent for being a laser-guided-douche-bag.


although I cannot speak for the real people around you, there are a host of unreal people here that do truly care (even if we act like douche-bags from time to time).

take care of yourself, but fuck all to anybody who doesn't care.

well that's where i think you're wrong. the letting it out is the point. the feeling it is the point. unless you feel it, you won't get better. suppressing/repressing/bottling up only drives it underground where it does most damage, lurking in the dark, causing depression, anxiety, and a host of other psychosomatic symptoms.

just fucking let it out!

we're listening.

of course, some of us are going to give you asinine advice, but at least people care, huh?

so, dish it out.

when I said what I did, I was being serious. It can be a really helpful way to vent and symbolicly rid yrself of burden.

chill, woman.

i wasnt talking about you. there are 20 people posting here already and it's gonna be hit or miss, but my point is, for porky, that regardless, he's got people paying attention to what he'll say.

---

anyway, let's end this short digression & let porky talk?

I've honestly tried anything in the world that would protect me. I can't help but feeling powerless sometimes. I know someone who somehow might even seem like he's had it worse than myself and who I can talk to in a different way than anyone else. It's just really, fucking hard. Really fucking hard. I don't want to die of a heartbreak.

dear porky,

first of all, i'd like you to know that what you have gone through is nothing but tragic and sad, i'm sorry to read about it.

i could try and give you advice like get informed, write about it and get help but that's probably something that's being said to you a thousand times by far more trustworthy people than myself.

what i can do is tell you two things, the first being that sometimes shit happens in my life, sometimes it's big shit sometimes not so much, and on a number of those occasions i feel really angry and frustrated; of those times when i feel like that, there's some that i just so happen to log into this very board to check my rep point (har har har) and, after a couple of posts, i start feeling better, for some unknown reason (ok, you lot are funny and witty and thought provoking and can fish out some badass music). i can tell you of dozens of times (this morning included) where you, mister porkmarras, turned my day around.

second and most important of all, you are an intelligent, entertaining and caring person, one that you don't encounter everyday. i'm sure you can find a way to get on with your life and be happy.

take care man,

marcos.

i'm not sure how much i want to post here about this but i'll try.

first, the good news is that you probably won't die of a heartbreak. you have too many good instincts on your side.

second is that recognizing that powerlessness is good-- i know i sound like a 12-stepper but i mean it. these are things and feelings you can't control. the way to deal with them is not by putting a leash on them but by opening up & letting them through. having a friend to share (you mention someone in your post) is a good thing. don't expect answers, just, let it out, then be kind to yourself & let yourself get better.

i was beaten with a bag of oranges. you don't see me whining.

I can only say that you are the best. All of you. I am going to try and get some sleep and stop thinking altogether, and again thank you and thank you and thank you. I sincerely hope that I didn't come across as a totally pathetic creature, I seriously needed to get stuff of my chest. You guys rock effortlesly.

just so i don't get bitched at, i'm just trying to bring some humour into a situation that could desperately use some, don't get offended or anything. i feel the same way that everyone else does about beating your kids.

As it happens, i never got a beating as a kid. Why do you not read without thinking about yourself? ta.

how a bag of oranges?

seriously how? i can't picture the mechanics.

ps: was it a bag or a sack?

sack. pardon.
and no i was not beaten as a child.

I'm actually a bit frightened at how closely i identify with this and phoenix's thread . And there is a lot of good advice/support in them that i will try to listen to as well . I'm glad you both made these threads !

it's a bit clearer now, but i still think it's difficult to actually do so...and i bet it's painful, so ouch.

well actually no, no pathetism, it takes strength & balls of steel to speak out, and say what's in you, so congratulations there.

and good night there, i hope you sleep better tonight.

well apparently we just all dont have any friends because we come here.

except I rarely come here of late.

it's a technic used to minimize bruising.

I thought it made big bruises but doesnt do too much damage? I know only from hearsay though.

I'm really sorry but I've been waiting long enough...

There's no where else I'd rather take my top off, either.

ever got hit with an orange? it's more painful than you think, especially if it's already being softened by punching.

did phoenix offer to take her top off? i approve the motion.

Venting one way or the other is always a huge help.....I should really do it more myself. Having "friends" who you can truly trust and who like you for you are few and far between.....I know exactly what you mean. Feel free to drop me a line if you ever want someone to talk to.

No need to feel bad about venting this here. We care about you. Let it out if that's what feels right. And try to get a little bit stronger each day. You can do it.

Porky my man ... just to let you know, if you ever feel weak, discomforted, or with a sudden urge just to talk to anybody in this virtual dark-blue area and if noone is around, I'm here for you.

i have to admit i was hesitant to read past the first line you wrote because it sounded overly dramatic. but upon reading what you have to say, i find it lacking in pathetic qualities. i think your gut instinct to "get this off yr chest" indicates a strength you don't see in yourself and an innate desire to move on and keep living. go with it.