Pick up lines that just don't work
 

These are pickup lines that I have used, guaranteed not to work.

• Hi
• Hey
• Hi, my name is Julian.
• (in response to "I like your velvet underground t-shirt") Yeah, they are ok.
• (in response to "I like your beard/hair/something") Oh really? I just haven't shaved in awhile/ brushed my hair today.
• (in response to "my boyfriend bla bla bla") Oh, he sounds like a nice guy.
• (in response to "do you smoke?") No, I've got terrible lungs, don't want to fuck em up more.
• (in response to an offer to fetch me another drink) No, I've had enough, I don't really want to get drunk tonight.
• (seeing a girl miraculously sitting on my bed) Hey, lets find out if there are any parties going on tonight.
• (in response to "I love your Don Cab shirt") *insert anything here about having indie connections*
• (in response to "I think you are a good guitar player/singer") I'm not really at my best today/I'm not techincally that good/I hate my voice
• (in response to "Why do all my guy friends fall for me?") I don't know, guys are stupid.
• Any honest question masked as a joke
• Blatantly telling a girl how you feel towards them

That is all I can think of for now. NO, these were not all used on the same woman.

Class!

hey baby, wanna meet the band?

You must be feeling really bruised now...

Ow man been there done that!
Saying hi is the worst pick up line... Girls think yr a freak when you do that...
atleast when I did it.

talking about your ex is always a winner :p

ha ha ha

I'm frustrated, so much so that I am giving into asexual feelings.

I'm not really talking about any ex's. These are all girls that I failed to get with. My ex picked me up actually.

Thanks, I was thinking of using that one, but you gave me a sudden change of mind.

Great post.

But you're posting classically... I can practically feel the desperation dripping from your post... Wit. :)
EDIT: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to SpectralJulianIsNotDead again.

Yeah, that is something I'd do given the opportunity.

"Hi" is the only thing that's every worked for me. But never when I want it to.

Oooh, here is another one I forgot

• (when you find a girl miraculously in your bed) I haven't washed my sheets in awhile.

That's it man, you're getting repped.

heheh

noooo...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to SpectralJulianIsNotDead again.

"Do you know how heavy a polar bear is?"

"No."

"Me neither, but it breaks the ice".


This will either work so well you will be in debt to me till you're 60, or it fails heroically and badly. There is no inbetween with this line.

If i was a girl, i'd fall for that one.

You need a bit of panache though. Your average football-type couldn't do it. It sounds to much like a pick-up line. You need the English gent thing. Or the generic gentlemanly thing. It is good. But it is difficult to pull off.

all these studied methods are impracticable for the more primitive among us. i'd say just approach w/ steady gaze & grab her ass.

Some more.

• My last girlfriend was crazy, she had borderline, was addicted to anti-depressants, and had terrible mood swings. I couldn't deal with all of her emotions.
• I think the pill is terrible. What is the point of birth control when it doesn't prevent STD's and gives you mood swings?
• My mother. . .
• Any mention of personal political/religious/philosophical views
• I had a lump on one of my testicles, so I went to the doctor to find out if I had cancer. It was just a staff infection. I think my cat gave it to me. (I was clawed in the nuts once when sitting down in my boxers)
• My penis. . .
• Blowjobs. . .
• I'm waiting for the perfect girl to have intercourse with
• How can you possibly hate children?
• I think the main objective in dating is marriage, if you stay with a girl you know you wouldn't to marry, you're pretty much just using her for sex.
• Dialogue: Me: Hey, do you want to hang out on friday? Her: I can't, I have work. Me: OK, maybe some other time

I also do the seed of interest thing from the 40 year old virgin, but lose interest by the time she "blooms."

Ayn Rand says...

That depends. If it's relevant to the setting and she agrees with you, it could work. If not, you're screwed. No pun intended.

the whole idea of pickup lines is idiotic. let's please not discuss it with any amount of earnestness. ridicule is best.

I should specify, MY views. Everyone can find something to disagree with me on.

If we can find one person on this board that doesn't have some qualm with my views, I'd shit myself.

I think veganism is stupid. (Basically because most vegans are hypocrites, they consume morally with regard to animal rights, but how many of them also consume morally with regard to human rights?)
I hate AC-DC, GnR, and Aerosmith
I'm a pacifist, against the death penalty, and I think abortion is wrong unless it is savin the life of the mother.
I believe that government fails in almost everyway and that you should try to fight your causes outside of government. Pro-lifers shouldn't go for a courtcase, they should vouch for condoms.
I'm a Christian, but I don't go to church, and I don't think all religions are neccesarily wrong.
My philosophy on Christianity "I know that one god exists,and I believe in the history of the Jews and the Christians as is documented in the bible, but I know that I can never know everything about all of creation and neither can scientists, so arguing between creationism and evolution is pointless."

I'm a very gray person. I find a lot of people tend to sculpt themselves in black and white concepts, and those kind of people find many reasons not to like me.

It is very rare that I come across a girl as gray as I am.

I started this thread to ridicule the actual pickup line thread. I agree, the concept of a "pickup line" is very stupid. I am just recalling stupid things I have said to girls that have gone in the favor of chastity (2 or 3 of which were to my relief, most of which were not)

I know what you mean about grey girls.

ha ha. yes! on that note, another horrid pickup line would be.

* uh huh, huh huh, uh huh huh, uh huh, huh huh, huh huh....

Actually other than the death penalty thing I agree with pretty much all of that, but I go to a relatively conservative college where there are quite a few girls with similar views. It's much easier to bring that stuff up.

And I wasn't taking pick-up lines seriously, just commenting on that one thing. I don't consider that to be a line. I apologize. Continue.

Conservative college? All of those girls would probably hate me for my views on corporations and my some of my more communist leanings. Not to mention my thoughts about how the last good president was FDR and that progressivism died with him.

Are you trying to get laid? :o

I'd like to get laid, eventually. But I'm not really trying to get laid.

I see, coz' if you're trying not to get laid, it just might work... :)

I almost did a week ago. But there were some problems- including lack of protection, and a girl in the backseat that decided to have a mental breakdown, that prevented me from stealing 3rd. (I was in the frontseat.)

I don't really have a second chance. I like the girl that I was in the front seat with, but I'm pretty sure she wants to remain platonic. She's pretty much the only fish in the pond right now too. I guess I gotta move to a bigger pond.

Ponds suck, go the ocean.

Once I get a car, I'll be able to actually travel downtown. Pittsburgh isn't really an ocean though. More of a sea. The Dead Sea.

You mean the lowest point on earth?

I was referring to it for the thought of a large body of water that just plain sucks.

Jokes aside, I like Pittsburgh, but it can be very alienating at times, just as alienating as Harmony/Zelienople (where I live) is if not more.

Devoid of life.. I get it...

Apparently even the Dead Sea has more women than Pittsburgh...

i have mumps