Guitar Shops
 

Despite the fact that I'm officially the worst guitar player in the world, I'm looking to buy a new amp. Anyway, being crap I fucking hate the whole trauma of having to try stuff out in front of a load of mini-Jirk Hamnetts. Any tips on ways of overcoming this phobia would be most appreciated.

Just learn to tremolo pick. Then almost anything you play will sound cool and will make other guitar players go, "Oh okay, he's a surf or black metal guitarist, I get it."

turn it loud and make loads of noise to scare the shop shredders away.

erm, what is 'tremelo picking'?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tremolo_picking

Again, it's in pretty much every surf and black metal song ever.

Tottenham Court Road, of course. When you try out the instruments everyone generally leaves you alone.

Atsonicpark^^Fuck me, that's brilliant. I just had a go at it and it sounded shit but I did sort of feel like I was in Emperor for about thirty seconds. I'm so gonna practice that enough to try it in a shop, then probably burn a church afterwards. I owe you a pint for that. Brilliant. or, erm, Hail!

Usually you're right, but for some reason the guitar blokes are all over you when you try out amps, insisting that they talk you through all the stuff it can do.

It's even worse for girls I think. I saw one the other day who was a beginner, but not at all bad really, in a sort of Oasis-Brit Pop kind of a way. Anyway, she was trying out an Epiphone and this complete cunt of an assistant physically took it out of her hands in order to show her what it could really do. I was fucking horrified, not least because he decided to shred on it, when it was pretty obvious from what she was playing that shredding was not gonna exactly be a priority in her guitar requirements.

For some reason I never had this problem with basses. Besides, everyone knows that you just have to remember the bassline to Psycho Killer and you're away.

I never experencied that. I can see it happening, though.

I assume you mostly try out keyboard/electronic equipment, which is far more civillised. Guitar shops are run by the most annoying breed of arseholes I can think of. If I ever have a daughter and she wants to date an assistant in a guitar shop, I'll ground her for a month. Or buy her a bass (a far more refined instrument, I have to say).

Occasionally I've tried guitars too. I think you're right, though, when you walk into a guitar shop you seem more observed.

i have a problem with people in guitar shops and i don't know if it's because i'm a girl or what, but they leave me alone when i show THEM what the guitar can really do... guitar center (i don't think those exist anywhere outside the US, though) is the worst, i think. probably anyone who's been there will agree.


and for the record, psycho killer was the first thing i ever played on bass.

Guitar shops are horrible the world round. Here their either run by wannabe metal players or bluegrass musicians. I called a guitar shop 2 days ago to ask if they had any jazzmasters in stock and the guy was like "yeah. we've got one. it's a j...mah...meh...mas..mask.." so I asked "is it purple?" "yeah. yeah, it's purple"

You never cease to amaze me. Either you're a total fucking legend or the biggest prat on earth. I could be lazy and say probably a bit of both, but no. You're definitely one or the other.

i never said i could play guitar well, i just know how to make a lot of crazy fucked up noises on it and the guitar center people seem to be quite taken aback by it

really a lot of what i say is terribly misinterpereted

Oh well, I had one the other day tell me that Fenders aren't the way to go if I was into Rock n Roll stuff. I didn't hang around long enough for him to start showing me his BC Rich selection. Moron.

badass.

I haven't had this problem. But what pisses me off are the fucking store clerks in stores around here. I swear, whenever I want to try something out they're always like 'Ohh I'll let you try it if you promis me you will buy', what the fuck?!?!?! I fucking hate those guys.

Don't apologise, I was paying you a compliment. At least i thought I was.

You're a total fucking legend, with a twist of prat, just to keep us all on our toes. Howzat?

I think Sam Ash is worse than Guitar Center, but I have a hunch they're not exactly competitors.

As for playing in the store, it's really just something you need to take into stride. Me and my friend aren't the greatest guitarists, but when we try stuff out we don't even acknowledge the workers' existence and they stay well away. If anyone comes near us, we make it clear that we're fine. It's just like anywhere else with pushy sales.

As for the guitar being taken out of her hands, that's literally terrible service. You could actually complain about that. I've never seen it before, though.

oh okay well thank you then. i didn't realise it was a compliment.

Two things I love more than most other things:

Bikes and guitars

Two things I absolutely detest shopping for due to the insufferable individuals who tend to work at or patronize the establishments which sell or repair the items and periphery associated with their chosen area of commerce:

Bikes and guitars

When I left I was thinking maybe I should've complained, or at least punched the assistant. Had he done it to me (which I'm confident wouldn't happen given that I'm a bloke) I'm sure I would've gone mental.

And it's not just the assistants that work in these places that are a nuisance. Lets face it, a good 80% of the customers are just a bunch of trust-fund fretboard gymnasts who seem set on playing the same Malmsteen runs as fast as they can through a Mesa/Boogie. Whichever way you cut it, guitar shops really are the pits.

I like the guitar shop near me, this dude plays bad ass punk uke.

I think keeping in mind what total dicks most of the customers are is the way to get past it. Who cares what the Satriani wannabes think. And they're too busy trying to think of ways to sound better to realize anyone else exists. The worst you could do is play a terrible riff at high volume and get an equal amount eye-raises and semi-amused smiles, and even that's not too likely. Meh, just have fun.

I'm just into perfecting this whole tremelo picking thing. Made my day that has. Can't wait to walk into Soundcontrol in full facepaint, plug in and rip through some Darkthrone. I might even have to show some devil horns and stick my foot on a moniter.

I didn't know it had a name, but I actually figured out how to do that trying to play Miserlou a few years ago. I taught my friend to do it, too, and he doesn't even play guitar. It's really not a "trick", though, it's just a technique that you eventually learn through practice, like anything else on guitar.

The customers annoy me a lot. Once, I was buying an acoustic guitar, and this guy was trying out a Gibson Les Paul with a large amplifier. He wasn't really trying out the amp, he was just showing everyone in the store how good he was with his note perfect renditions of classic rock songs. It was so loud, and he just kept playing Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, The Eagles, Deep Purple etc.

who gives a fuck about them? just play yr guitar dude, jesus! the only thing to worry about at the guitar shop is all those lame asses who work there. Dont go early in the day, they will fucking bumrush you! hide from them if possible, they will only get in the way of yr shopping experience! and when you really do have a technical question about the guitar/amp you are looking at, these assholes have literally no idea!

 

Went to a guitar shop today, they were having some kind of band play outside, everyone was standing around kissing the band's ass, I walked in, picked up the Masic Jazz, had a few plays, put it back, walked out. I spoke to noone, noone spoke to me. It was bliss.

Call me a misanthrope...well, I am, so fuck it...every cunt that works in Denmark Street deserves to be disembowelled and thrown to a pack of hungry giraffes. (PS Jack White is on TV now, and HE can join the Denmark St crowd too...fat cunt!).

why would you waste your time disemboweling the fucking sods? let the giraffes do the work. if you got a large enough catapult you could throw them all out simultaneously. think efficently!

Cantanky, I love ya - always five steps ahead of me!

Yeah, giraffes. Why didn't I think of that?

we would make the best tag team of all time.

0-3-5-0-3-6-5-0-3-5-3-0

Cantanky - Yep, you punching out the oppostion, and me trying to find my glasses, cigarettes etc. I like it!

oh silly. if you'd just keep your glasses on and your cigarettes in your pocket you'd be punching them alongside me!

0---3--3-5-5--7-8-7-8-7--8--3-3-5.

Yer right, of course. You will wear your devil horns whilst we're kicking ass, yeah?

absolutely

now let's go down to glasto and open up a can of whoop ass on those sorry pricks.