I'm bored with Metal now. Let's talk about sex instead
 

I like it, but I'm shit at it. Apparantly I need to be more vocal. How about you? Are you shit at it too?

EDIT: It's in the non-sonic sounds bit by mistake. Although I have mentioned the word 'vocal', so it's all good.

I don't like intercourse. My girlfriend LOVES it though. She just wants me to fucking pound her often.

I love blowjobs though...

i've still got carpet burns on my back


i think that statement speaks pretty loudly

What don't you like about intercourse? I'm bizarrely curious to know.

Someone constrain that woman, puleeze!

What do you mean by 'vocal'? Vocal as in sounding like your enjoying yourself more, or vocal as in "Oh god please PLEASE NOOOOO!!!" ...and the like.

you're going to need a team of about six armed guards.

I'm not sure, maybe she wanted me to sing. Fucking hell women can be vague when they want to be.

:D





three characters?
chris habib, go to hell.

Sounds like she wants you to take the reigns, so to speak...

i hate talking during sex, unless it's with someone who i've been with for a long time.

yeah, what in the fuck does she want you to do? go YEAAAAHHAAAAAGGHHHHHHH! like roger daltrey at the end of "won't get fooled again" when you're done??

Are they fit and sexy looking guards? If so, I don't mind carrying their truncheons.

I just find the constant thrusting numbing, and it's always hot and sticky. I dunno, there's just nothing interesting or exciting about it to me, I feel awkward.

I'd rather just give each other oral sex..

Not surprising, I don't think oral sex for ladies can ever really beat intercourse, especially as most guys, including myself, can't seem to get the knack of it. However with guys I think oral sex can often beat intercourse.

Well the only way I can get my girlfriend off is by licking her clit and fingering her vagina, usually I stick a thumb in her ass, which she likes... but she doesn't like anal sex.

I've gotten her off from intercourse a few times...

Which doesn't make sense, I guess, but she likes it more than oral sex... however, no matter what we do, it usually ends in oral sex to actually get her off.

y'all need to learn some skills.

Oh yeah, and all that business about taking your socks off beforehand? That's a definite no-no I'm afraid. My socks only come off for my monthly bath, so I can use them as a flannel.

ahaha

i don't really care what's left on or taken off. that's not the part that amounts to anything.

I really really really enjoy if she leaves her socks on during sex.

I like socks and gloves... things that "fit" things well.. haha..

A friend of mine showed me his wank sock once. Never mind the smell, imagine the sight of a sports sock covered in dried yellowing semolina. Ugh. Needless to say, I dragged him down to the pub soon afterwards, and we never spoke of the sock again.

what a marvelous thread to kick back and just read.

please do go on, this is powerful fun.

as far as things that "fit well" this would be much more my style

with the devil horns of course.

Ha ha, oh how I laugh.

cantanky with devil horns...unstoppable!

i'm unstoppable with or without.


i can't wait to get old so i can reminisce about my youth, prancing about in corsets and high heels and devil horns

by "unstoppable" i meant "mighty sexai".

My girlfriend often wears skeleton gloves... that's what I'm talkin about.

And on the seventh day, God created this thread.

You're making that up, I caught you brushing your nose as you typed it.

I know a guy who cummed up his keyboard once.

He shot his load up in the air and it landed in between the keys and he tried to get it out but quickly gave up and just let it dry there.

Nah I'm not making that up.

Have you seen my girlfriend? She's a cosplayer. She makes costumes all the time and shit. I happen to enjoy that thankfully, heh.

[In the voice of Bender from "Futurama"] - Enough talk, show us the pictures of her!"

Enough pictures, I wanna talk to her.

haha.

Nah, I don't feel like putting pictures of her up on THIS thread.

i've never had a woman give me a blow job and be able to get me off. never. oral sex is foreplay to me.

Fair do's. Can you show me your cock instead?

How about a bloke? Any more joy then?

has anyone had a good handjob done by somebody else?

This is your second and final warning Melly. Anymore of that and it's an early shower.