fuck my life.
 

http://www.fmylife.com/



this is hillarious ;)

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML.

"Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML"

HAH!

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

wow, mine isn't that bad then.

^^^ The SY Gossip forum said something bad about Animal Collective. FML.

Today, my best friend and I were walking down the block. A huge palm branch fell right in front of me, but it wacked her in the face, and I stood there laughing - turns out she's in a coma. FML

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

have you submitted this yet? its a good one

"I love Merzbow." - John Fahey

Today, I found out my crush has a colostomy bag because she has no anus.


muaha.

merzow's music is rooted in cognitive pyschology, wherein even when playing random noises, the mind has amazing capabilities to fill in the blanks of perception and create hidden harmonies and agreements where none "objectively" exist.

ooobjeeectiiiiveeeelyyyyyy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJCRNXUngAM

OMG, too funny.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

lol, what dummies.

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

So sad!

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

not funny. didn't tell us when he took them. FUCK THIS GUY'S LIFE

it was this girl:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-turf...e=channel_page

uuhuggh. makes me shudder.

Today I came home to find that my wife and daughter had been raped and then murdered. FML

just kidding, didn't find that one

As if she had a boyfriend.

that girl looks like shrek

What?!? Where can I find more about that?

Oh, and

Today, I fell asleep in the train. When I woke up, everybody was staring at me with a strange smile. I'll probably never know what I did. FML

He must have meant "in 3 [hours]," in which case it makes more sense.

RAGED SO HARD :mad::mad:

hahahah!

A guy's reply to her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXAkQsy_pos&NR=1

OMFG I laughed so hard!!!

Today i made a cup of tea and i had a biscuit to dip in it but i left it in to long and it all fell in . FML

My brother was playing playstation and i said "shot gun next go" but he didnt hear me and i didnt get a go. FML

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

i like to read those and click on "you deserved that one". oh, sweet Schadenfreude.

Personal/true one from this weekend:
I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her parents and have dinner, her dad looks familiar... I then realize I used to sell pot to him. FML

"Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s ». I've looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML"

"Today, first day of my new job. During, the break, my boss asks me about my age. I am 18. She answers that she was my age thirty years ago. Like my mother!, I say. She doesn't seem to understand. You are 48, like my mother!, I repeat. Embarassing silence. She was my age thirtEEN years ago... FML"