How many of you have ditched everything and started over some place new?
 

My biggest fears are;

I attract mongoloid types, and that is not even an exaggeration.. If I am starting over, finding friends who are not going to steal the little amount of items I may have, or try to molest me, or knife me, is a big issue..

Not so good at making friendships quickly(except for jerks ^^). Im more of a mellow slow burner type. I grow on you. I'm assuming there is no time for this when faced with an entirely new place.

Lack of money. A lot of my friends are already out of jobs, and the prospect of being somewhere new, having no place to stay, and no money past a certain point if I dont find a job.... scares the fuck out of me... mostly because of the type of people I attract (see point one)


so... tips please

Depends how far from your current location you're going to move. When I moved to London I was only about 60 miles from my old home, so I could easily escape back there at weekends. That helped me to acclimatise to the new surroundings, because I didn't get homesick.

I moved into a houseshare and was lucky enough that I had a lot in common with one of the other guys there, so we hung out. Work wasn't really a great source of friends, but there were people there that I could have a laugh with, so it wasn't hell.

unknown at this point.

I usually get on with people I work with, but rarely find any of them friend-types. Sometimes but rarely. Even finding a job at the moment really bothers me though.

Are you really that sure about that type of people that you attract? From what I read from you, you seem like a mature and smart girl (and quite attractive, to add). So where is the problem with making new friends? You're not that good at communication with people?

If this (plus the lack of money) is the main reason for you not being comfortable with where you're at now, then move on and find a different place. But the question is, if this would really solve your problems?

See, I was thinking about this a while ago when I had issues with myself (I was thinking of leaving my country entirely and to move to the U.S.) but I turned the idea down, since the real problem was in my head, and not in the environment, as I had thought before. Now I feel quite ok with where I am and who I am.

Are you staying with your parents now?

Why do you want to ditch everything in the first place?

Ditched everything to go to college.

Ditched everything there to come back.

I want to ditch this place again.

Yeah, it's a bit crap when you run away to escape, and subsequently find out that what you're trying to escape is yourself.

I am planning on it in a few months. Basically, I'm at a point where everyone around me bothers me and annoys me, except my girlfriend. Bandmates included... everyone's on drugs, everyone's mad that I don't hang out with them and get fucked up out of my mind... I'm a fun guy, and I don't mind drugs, but it has CONSUMED people's lives around me, to the point where they don't work and they steal or borrow money from their parents and stuff. That's their business, and I don't want to comment on it -- I just feel that I'm so much different (not necessarily better -- I'm not condescending here -- but definitely DIFFERENT) than everynoe else, and whatever intelligence they have is being destroyed as they put more holes in their brain. Ah, I'm not better -- maybe the correct word is "above". I'm above their petty actions, and it's like I'm in a different world than them. I have told everyone my feelings.. and I miss some of them, these intelligent and cool (at times) people but I am not going to hesitate for one second to move away from 'em all... I'm not moving BECAUSE of them, though, don't get me wrong. I just don't like this town in general. A bunch of rednecks who try to supress open minds and simply must know everyone's business at all times. I've dealt with some shit lately that's really pushing me away. My aunt left me a house and I had to kick out some methhead bitch (who lost all 5 of her kids.. because she's on meth.. who never had a job and didn't pay me rent.. because she's on meth... who fucked a bunch of random dudes for money for more meth.. because she's on meth) who tore the fucking house to pieces because I kicked her out. I've had to go to court in the past 6 months 10 times because of her bullshit. She owes me $1410 and she hasn't even begun to pay and I have to go AGAIN because she's counter-suing (?!?!) me, saying that my aunt -- right before she died, though it's not in writing or recorded in any way -- told her she would sell the house to her. My aunt would sell the woman the house? Yeah right. There's no evidence... nothing to prove that... and I know I won't lose this case... she's just delaying things even further... it's just the IDEA, the stress behind having to deal with this shit AGAIN, going on and on and on and on FOREVER. It's just destroying what little faith I have in humanity.

Sorry, I ranted. Um, yeah, it depends on where you're moving to... I'd look into it a bit... a small town would be quieter but offer less job prospects... personally, I'd work for a while NOW, if I could, and save my money for the move... also, it always helps if someone else would move with you... going to be a big new city by yourself has to suck.

sadly, yes. They seem to detect a highly empathetic and sympathetic nature emanating from my being, and move on in. :(


I am surprisingly quiet in real time when not drunk. This is often mistaken for bitchy or boring.


maybe, Im not sure?


Some of it is probably in my head yeh. Some of it isn't. I do wish to escape a few things, I dont know if I want to escape them permanently. I'm living with my partner at the moment. He is part of the 'stuff' I wish to distance myself from in order to get some perspective on my current life path..

general confusion.

i'm like that myself, we could be mates.
but you know what? me, being a quiet and decent person, have lots and lots of friends. Not Crypto-style friends, but people I feel really comfortable with. it's all about the approach, I guess. to show you're not really bitchy or boring, although it might look like.


Oh, now i see. The real reason I wanted to escape that time was that I wasn't too happy with my then-relationship and instead of breaking up I wanted to do such a nonsensical thing.
Ditch the dude in the first place, you'll breath more freely.

Feeling lost amongst friends really is awful.. and I've escaped bad or ill fitting circles before, but this isn't like that at the moment. I hope meth head gets the fuck out of yr house though.

There are not so many 'city' options to choose from, only two or three. I dont know. Small towns would turn me into even more of a loner than I am already, and I'm not affraid to admit that. It would be a bad move, I'd get depressed and bored.. and feel restless all over again for the wrong reasons. I like a bigger city, or in the vicinity of.. but it would still scare me at first.

At the moment I dont have the money to up and leave, but I could probably stay here (Im not in my home town at the moment) if I found work straight away. It's probably one of the worst places I could choose to be on my own though.

You're about to hit winter in Australia, aren't you? That's a shame - if it was summer you could head off somewhere to get seasonal work, and consider your life and what you wanted from it. If you liked the new existence, you could stay beyond the summer; if you preferred the old, you could return to base and pick up where you left off.

I've actually lost most of my friends in part due to my current relationship. Over the last few years I've either been discouraged from seeing some, others were sick of my partners ways and there is only so long you can hang out with someon who constantly calls yr partner a jerk, and.. he never wanted to come out with me in a group or with the people I used to see.. The times when we go out in a group with his friends.. well workmaets... I feel like I might as well not be there. I get ignored... Or try to participate in conversation without much response from him. It's as though we've come seperately all together? The worst was a birthday party where he spent most of the night out right flirting with a girl in the next seat over and not saying two words to me. It was over a year ago but ridiculous and humiliating given everything that has gone on.



He has thus far made it heart wretchingly difficult to do so, and I am a soppy, sympathetic, stupidly loyal person. Then there is the comfort zone thing. You know.

It's coming into winter yes.. There isnt much call for seasonal winter jobs here.. I think the only thing that attracts workers is fruit picking, and that's usually left up to all the UK students on holiday visas hehe.

A lesson that a wise man taught me many years ago:

Never change your life to get away from something - if you're going to make a change, make it because you want to get to something. If you travel without a destination, you will never get to anywhere.

I had to pay for that piece of insight, but you seem like a nice person, so you can have it for free.

I'm far too terrified of doing anything at all

how much did you pay?

good advice though./.

doing nothing is worse than doing.. anything. That's why being stagnant gets to me so much.

Well, judging from the words above and especially from the first sentence, I get the general idea that you need to move on relationship-wise, if you want to feel comfortable and happy again. You don't necessariliy need to switch location for that.


Sympathetic, stupidly loyal enough not to be able to explain the dude what is eating you from inside and try to make him understand? You better do something about it.

pheonix: bugger everything and come to sydney.

Yes, a very british attitude indeed.

(sorry, a bad joke to lighten things up)

we've talked about it, there have been a few times we've had almost breakup conversations. Few times? Lots of times. He always says he wants to fix it, he wants to fix us, and then nothing ever changes.

Yes, I probably need to move on. I dont know. I always imagined that one day we could work it out. That hurts, I guess.

you still love him, right? it must be tough thinking about moving on, then.
but you need to be a bit of a selfish bitch too. think about your own well-being as well.

love yes completely. But also know that the things that hurt me I dont think will ever go away despite loving him. I imagine myself settling down and having kids with him.. but, I think that I would always feel the way I do, and that the things he does would never change. I'd have someone I love but someone I feel constantly.. I don't know the word. insufficient? and because of that, I pick at myself more emotionally. As though there must have been something else I could do to fix it. I doubt there is though...

If I were looking at my situation from someone elses point of view ( as much as I can try to do that.. ) I think I've given so many chances and tried so many times to make it work? Not that I am some type of never cranky lady.. I'm a normal person I have my moments. But on the whole... I don't know what else to do.
and still.. so many times I end up feeling as though it's all my fault.

case in point, boyshape just got home 6 minutes ago. so far I have done two things wrong. Stupid things, but things. Emotionally perhaps I have just given up. I dont know anymore.


This is why I feel the need to get away maybe? So I can figure out whether I care or not, anymore.

wow, you sound very ... devoted. You invest a lot of your energy into the relationship, as it seems. The dude has been the main cause of you losing majority of your former friends, he's done things that did not really make you happy and you keep thinking there must be something else you could do about it to fix it?
Well, I cross my fingers for you (and this is not some prickish irony, I mean it, you most definitely are a very good person).

I've done this too many times to count.

especially if you consider that I moved every two years with my parents.

concepts that girlgun takes for granted, like friends since grade-school, are completely lost on me.

I don't make new friends (period). I just tend to keep those I have (mostly).

until I got married, I could fit my entire belongings into my car. and I'm sure if pressed, I still could.

sometimes taking the big leap is the best thing you can do.

Without being all sexist though, you are a guy. A big part of me kind of thinks it is probably easier for a guy to find their way around a new place. Perhaps Im just too timid. You know. If a guy asks to sleep on your couch ( and you are a guy, or a girl) its like okay.. sure. If a girl asks to sleep on your couch and you're a girl.. it's okay, but only for a day or two.. and if a girl asks to sleep on your couch and you're a guy.. apparently this means you really want to sleep in their bed and from there on it gets more and more uncomfortable.

I kind of lost touch with most of my school friends already out of choice, so that part wouldn't bother me so much. They dont live far away, and a couple of them are on my facebook, but I don't talk to them and I definately don't consider them 'friends'.

Actually though I hadn't yet thought about what I'd do about my 'stuff'. Most of it is junk and actually I've thrown out around 80% of what I used to have in the last 12 months in clean outs. There is still a drum kit and lots of art supplies and the like though. And my cat. Everything else is pretty replaceable.

hmmm....yeah I would suppose being female might make it more difficult (if only having to fend off the advances).

everytime I moved, I had somewhere to go. it was either family or friends.

this is the longest that I've lived in one place. I thought that I'd never get the wanderlust out of my system. it's still there, I guess, but I don't feel so compelled to just say "fuck it" and see what happens.

it's a scarey move to take, either way. but if yr to the point where nothing else sounds better, why not take the chance? you never know what it might lead to. if it doesn't work, you could always try going back....

anyways, hope yr ok. you know that I'm here for you in whatever capacity I can be. also...there will ALWAYS be a couch open for you. there's cat hair on it, but it comes with no strings attached.

ps: consider yrself lucky that you don't have record crates. fucking record crates.

There is a lot of fear, I guess. Sometimes I'm spontaneous and my behaviour is fairly reckless.. but I always sober up in a day or so.. With this there is the fear that there isn't much to fall back on right now, if I fuck up. Not as many people as I used to have. That is ridiculous I know, and if you're down you can only go up etc etc. It just feels that way.

There are probably 100 better things to do than running away from it all.. Im just not sure that I could deal with being around him if/when we break up. The last time we stopped talking, he went to pretty great lengths to see me. God only knows what this time round would involve.

that's exactly the kind of thread i like and would love to contribute to but then i'd have to write three pages worth of stuff, only to get well-deserved tl;dr.... so i just won't bother.

haha and yeh record crates would suck :P The drum kit is about the only big thing I'd need to find a place for.

:( :(

let's just say it's always possible to start anew elsewhere, even it means one or two years of probable loneliness to start with. Then it gets better. Be confident.

how wonderful.

or not, i mean, ANYTHING is possible; but yeah if you go somewhere where everything and everybody is new, you may find it a long time before you actually get to meet the one person who is going to make you meet more new people and then life starts again. It depends on yr personality + out -o-the-house activities.

Yeh that makes me nervous. Because I dont really go out on my own. There could be months before I find people I enjoy spending time with, if it were an entirely new town.

bleh. bedtime.

thankyou SYtherapy.

I did that somewhat when I moved to Cincinnati from Lexington. I like it because I still have friends there and can go see them when I want, but I feel like I can be my own person more, and that I'm not just a sum of peoples collected thoughts about me. Although I do have friends here now, we don't go way back, so their thoughts of me are based on my actions, not on how they have viewed me for many years and from any sort of deep understanding of me. Not that the people who have known me for a long time have any bad thoughts about me; they all like me and love when I come back to visit. I just enjoy feeling like there is a part of me that is only for me, and that the people around me never fully known me.

I know, I'm weird.

After saying this, my next statement will seem illogical: I'm moving back. We are going to live with my mom for a bit so that we can all get out of some debt, as well as fix my mom's house up, because it's falling apart around her.

(Yes, RdTv and DisgruntledYouth, if you are reading this, it is true. See you guys soon.)

also, I always feel that an "advice" thread is incomplete without:


[yes, I have the quote saved for such an occasion]