ha ha ha it was fukkin clas, right
 

..hey people's how yu doin its the goblin getting on the lines for a bit after a hard night's causin troubles for them wot deservs it, y'gonna be well prowd of me this time yeh reed on for a bit 'n' y'll see yu may remember like i woz onlines for a bit yesterday 'n' all well i logged out cos me mates grippi 'n' floggu 'n' jaffi came round 'n' we had the vodka flowin 'n' all of that but they had calld round cos they had just seen this elven mage walkin round with a scroll case rite so they snuk up behind him 'n' nocked him out 'n then stole his scroll case 'n' guess what was in the case it was only three fukkin scrolls with hold spells on 'em y'kno that like make peeple stand stil for a bit, so me mate jaffi hoo knows about these things a bit right, he said he'd be able t read the scrolls 'n' hold sum peeple so we thought try it on some fukkin GNOME POLICE right so we saw a cupple doin the patrol 'n' jaffi "the professer" red the scroll 'n' HA HA HA IT WAS FUKKIN CLAS, RIGHT 'cos the gnomes WERE FROZEN JUST LIKE FUKKIN STATUES, so wot we did next was genius right, let me tell yu first if theres one things gnomes hate right its GARDEN GNOMES them things piss the gnomes off like proper, so we dragged the frozen gnome police into a garden, sat them by the garden pond 'n' MADE THEM HOLD FISHIN' RODS 'N' STUFF< JUST LIKE GARDEN GNOMES!!!!!! it was so funny we neerly pissed ourselves laffin well actually me mate floggu DID piss himself y'kno from laffin so much, so i drew somepictures of the daft fukkin frozen gnome police 'n' then wee hid right 'n' wen the spell wore off they came round 'n' they WERE SO FUKKIN ANGRY 'N' MAD 'n' they were looki for wh'd dun it fuk it i'm still laffin now i can't see the screen proply for the tears of lafter the goblins gonna go and compose imself now take care 'n' luk out for the gnomes 'n' all yeh.

It's fine by me.

Ha ha glad yu red me message, last night right we drew some copies of the pictures we made 'n' then we went 'n' stuk them on the walls of the gnome police station, brillyant laf that was then we just went and got pissed reely i the Forest of Light, well noisy we were to mayk shure we kept the elves awake, we were tearin' through the forest all nite ha ha daft fukkin elves they were all tryin to find us ANYWAY HEERS THE THING, right hey listen right the thing is y'kno we fownd three of them scroll things right wich meens we got two left 'n' we don't kno how to use them so any suggeshtuns are appreshyated y'kno sorry gotta go mrs goblin wants sumthin, this 'n' that, y'kno a bit of that most probably ha ha goblins about to get happy see yu soon yeh.

that's so cool, did you guys beat up any elves?

Well y'kno there was this one group of elves that neerly caught us right OH HEY HI ALYASA HOW Y'DOIN Y'DOIN COOL EH GREAT THAT'S COOL anyway these elves neerly caught us there was like seven of them an' only four of us but thats elves for yu, y'kno they crap and all oppressives on the goblins, they came up to us tryin to luk all hard like wich is funny 'cos elves DO NOT LUK HARD AT ALL like so we start laffin at them and runnin' in circles wile they try to catch us, daft fukkin elves, then when we had enuff we just ran into them 'n' nokked them to the floor, then we ran off singin' like HEY THE DAFT FUKKIN ELVES ARE FUKKIN SHIT y'kno, so we got away but the elves had seen us like 'n' they must hav reported us to the gnome police 'cos today ight the gnomes were arownd the village askin' all these qweshtons to us, but baysicly evrywon just told them to fuk off 'cos thats wot we do, they just cheeky gnomes y'kno, the goblin mite hav to lie low for a day or too not be seen too much ha ha it was worth it tho.

holy fuckin' jive talk, man.
Sundz intestin', ta' gnomes n' all, yu no?

by the way, there's a new deicide album on the way!!

fuking vodka goblin rules

i think maybe he lives at the bottom of diesel's empty bottles

Hey hi Sherriffs rys hope yur doin well HEY EVRYNUROTIKS 'n hi !"£$! thats a name iinnit hey thats like the best news i 'ope it's a gud won well they all gud like grate tunes 'n' grate lyrics y'kno like ENCHANTER OF PAIN AUGHH WRAUGHH WRAUGHHHHHHHHHHH thats a gud one 'n' HEY FROM THE LAND OF NO RETURN AUGHH WRAUGHHH FRAUGHHHHHHHHHHHH all gud sum new deicide top fukkin trollbones, bit difficult to get tho cos wen we want sumthin like that we have to get Dristilla the local wizardess to mayk a magic portal 'n' summon it through its the only way, HEY DRISTILLA'S like well smart tho cos right she hates the elves 'n' the gnomes too so ushually she gives us jobs like "go 'n' set fyre to the gnome police station" or "fynd an elven mage 'n' steal sum of 'is stuf" 'n' lyke thats just the kind of thing we do anyways y'kno so its grate reely we get stuf thru the portal 'n' also like Dristilla she gives us a free meal too cos she lykes us hey she 'as grate food like proper caykes wif proper custard not just bad old yello milk 'n' all fukkin grate it is HEY THANKS FOR THE TIP 'N' STAY COOL 'n' that last bits for all of yu take care yeh.

HAHA. You've got to read Vodka Goblin's posts, with the voice of Spud from Trainspotting in mind. HAHA.

he is a genie in a bottle.
you have to rub him the right way.

Pure class.

Actually I pciture him with this guy's voice :)

That looks like any number of chavs who live where Toilet & Bowels does and i used to.

That's Devvo, eh, right, mate? Could you give us a fag then, crikey? I lef me fags in the drawer in me bedroom at 'ome, then. Could you then, mate?

It's just listening to Devvo talk makes me feel breathless.

Was you?

FUKKIN BASTAD GNOME POLICE right, baysicly they figgurred owt who it wos who had stolen the scrolls 'n' cast hold on the gnomes 'n' was causin trubbles in th forest so they did like this big search, 'n' me 'n' me mates grippi 'n' floggu 'n' jaffi were hidin in a cave in the forest for a day or so but y'kno after a wile we started needin' a piss, espeshly 'cos we'd spent the whole time drinkn vodka ha ha, 'n' wen we came out of the cave the BASTAD FUKKIN GNOME POLICE were there 'n' they had this BASTAD FUKKIN elf mage who cast a big web spell 'n' trapped us, so for the past day or too we've bin in the police staion bein queshtioned, but we just kept like tellin' the gnome police to

FUK OFF

'cos thats wot we say to 'em y'kno cos yu have to right, but then right AND YOU WILL NOT FUKKIN BELEEVE THIS RIGHT, Dristilla the wizardess herd of owr plight, 'n' get this, she summoned a baby dragon 'n' the baby dragon flew to the gnome police station 'n' fukkin flew rite into the walls like totaly demollishin' it, 'n' then the dragon started to BREATHE FUKKIN FIRE AT ALL THE GNOME POLICE, 'n' basicly they all got taken to the scummy elf hospital for curin, 'cos they all singed 'n' in shok 'n' all, so then right 'n' this is the best bit THE GOBLIN GOT A RIDE HOME ON A BABY DRAGON fukkin clas it was top bloody trollbones, on the way we flew over the Forest of Light 'n' we all had a piss on the elven treehowses, ha ha mrs goblin's well chuffed to see me yeh so i gotta go 'n' see to 'er needs in a minute eh so LOVE TO DRISTILLA THE WIZARDESS Y'KOOL Y'KNO 'n' take care on the boards 'n' don't tell no-one about things ha ha yeh.

I love you.

ha ha thats like ded sweet y'kno i love yu 'n' the bordies too it's like that old goblin sayin about oranges 'n' dwarves y'kno the one, that's why i go to all the fukkin effert to be ere y'kno cos like its diffkult wen theres no electricals wer yu live, but HEY LISTEN TO THIS RIGHT the thing is that the gnome police 'n' the daft fukkin elves yeh, yeh the fukkin nobheds, they NEVER FOWND THE OTHER TOO HOLDIN' SCROLLS so we got a plan for tonite that's gonner happen 'n' wen it goes down 'n' the goblin's safe hes gonna be here to tell yu 'n' all it'l be fukkin clas ha ha ha we get the better of things wile theres no gnome police abowt 'cos like the speshel replasementers havnt got here yet y'kno HEY STAY KOOL 'N' ALL yeh.

he sounds like an irish goblin to me

is that the beastie boys new line of clothes and travel gear?

What's her name?You know the acctress who used to play the Mitchell brothers's sister in Eastenders?The one who lost her nostrils through snorting coke.

daniela westbrook.

Yep her!

classy bird.

She was photographed with her child covered in Burberry gear once.The label stopped making money for a while after that.

HI VODKA GOBLIN. do you know any decent taco recipes?

whats it like to, apparently, live in an enchanted forest?

so, Gobbo, how many gnomes do you think it would take to overpower an elf? my guess is three, but i'd like to hear yr expert opinion.

its tru that qwote like y'kno so listen last nite wos ace, fukkin it's like the old goblins motto y'kno "hugfhhgd shff ssd aiwlgrllr jifd" ha ha its so tru y'just gotta go for it eh, i can't reely translate 'cos y'don't hav a word for "aiwlgrllr" well its a bit like teacup but not too tho, HEY GESS WOT WE DID YEH, y'll never do it so i'll tell yu we took one of the hold scrolls 'n' we we went to the eleven bank y'kno were they keep all the munny they get by bein so corrupt 'n' all, 'n' we walked around for a bit lukkin ded serius, reedin the posters 'n' all that jus lie abowt things like "hey watch owt for goblins 'cos they bad 'n' all" wich isnt tru AT ALL, anyway we were dressed up in posh elf clothes 'n' acted all posh rite, takin the piss, 'n' i was like "i say, yu there, littel fellow, a cup of tea wud be tip-top an' want to depossit sum of mi hard-earned fukkin moolah to" so the assistent, hoo knos we takin the piss asks to se the cash, 'n' thats like the cue rite so jaffi "the professer" gets owt the scroll 'n' reeds it 'N' FUKKIN EVRY ELF IN THE BANK BECUMS LIKE AS STIFF AS A FUKKIN LYMESTONE NOB yeh 'N' THERES NO GNOME POLICE AROWND 'COS THEY ALL IN HOSPITAL 'n' so we started doin all this stuff, like we stood the statue elves in line 'n' threw coins at 'em to knok 'em down, 'n' we were like gettin loads of em 'n' twisting 'em rownd each other so they all stuk together 'n' then we started to rip up all the munny that was in the bank, throwin' it rownd like fukkin confetty, 'n' it wos the best laf ever rite, but then me mate jaffi "the professer" yeh, he sez like "hey like maybee we shud be takin sum of the fukkin cash for owrselves" y'kno for the goblins rite, thats like why we call him the professer 'cos like hoo else wud o' thought of that eh fukkin genius, so we gatherred up wot was left wich wasnt much then we pissed all over the elven bank 'N' WE FUKKIN LEGGED IT BEFOR THE SPELL WOR OFF 'N' WE'YVE ONLY JUST STOPPED LAFFIN so there wasn't much munny left 'cos we'yed ripped it up but we'yl put wot we got to gud use though, we got enuff for the whole of Gundle Village to get pissed a cupple of times so it wos a gud nite's work eh nice stuf 'n' we stil got a hold scrol left tooo, so we'yl put it to gud yuse soon eh ha ha TAKE CARE AND EH IF Y'SEE AN ELF THEN LOB A STIK AT 'IM FROM ME eh 'N' DONT FORGETS TO LISTENS TO THE NOIZY MUSIK 'N' ALL ha ha happy postin' boardies.

shit. homie, they need to make a movie about your life

hey HI NORMA J HOPE YOU HAVIN THE GUD TIMES YEH, 'n' i hope yu liked me bank-robbin exploits {like see abuv if yu missd it yeh] but hey that "spud" thing y'posted he looks a bit like a daftfukkin gnome but withowt the beerd 'cos all gnomes hav beerds y'kno it's cos they got the gnome religshun goin on its like a comandyment for the gnomes they got like thees comandyments comandyments in the gnome religshun like first have a beerd and second be a total nobhed 'n' third suk up to the elves wenever y'can LIKE A GREYT BIG FUKKIN DAFT GNOME STREAK OF PISS 'cos thats all they are ha ha y'kno its tru rite.

Absolutely.

oh shits oh shits oh shits the goblins in a lot of fukkin trubble this tyme rite 'n' if yu just wayt i'm gonna eksplane why BUT LET ME SAY THAT RITE ITS DED UNFAIR BUT I'M GONNER HAV TO GO INTO THE HIDINS FOR A BIT SO IT MYTE BE LYKE A LONG FUKKIN TIMES BEFOR I'M BAK TELLIN YU ALL ABOUT MESELF wich is a shayme y'kno 'cos rite yu all ded cool [well mosts of yu ha ha}, aniway its time to tell yu abowt last nite befor i hav to go, becos we were causin so many trubbles arownd the Forest of Light that the elves desided to to bring in this speshal bunch of lyke top detektiv gnome police hoo arryved yesterday 'n' last night they had this seremony to 'welcum' them 'n' all 'n' lyke they had posh food 'n' posh drink 'N' HEY ALL THE STUF THAT THE GOBLINS CANNOT AFFORD BECOS THE ELVES 'N' THE DAFT FUKKIN GNOMES KEEP US SO POOR YEH so this made us lyke total angry so we decided to use the last hold scrol [hey luk at the top of this thred if y'havnt got a clue abowt thems} so we hid neer the ceremony rite 'n' just as they were abowt to lyke offishally start the meal to welcome these daft fukkin nobhead tip top gnomes, me mate jaffi red the scroll 'N' EVRYWON IN THE PLASE JUST FUKKIN FROZE, the way they do 'n' all yeh so this time we nevver held bak yeh WE JUST WENT FUKKIN MENTAL y'kno, we were smashin bottels over the heds of the frozen elves 'n' gnomes 'n' smeerin food all over them 'n' like we wrote all over the gnome detektivs faces like "HEY I'M JUST A BIG DAFT FUKKIN SLAVE TO THE ORRIBLE FUKKIN ELVES SO IF YU SEE ME THEM PLEESE KIK ME LYKE EXTRA HARD YEH" 'n' we just ruined evryfin that was ther it was lyke FUKKIN CLAS rite, anyway 'cos like loads of the elvs were ther, that ment that loads of the elves stoopid treehowses were empty, so we went 'N' WE SMASHED THEM ALL UP TO!!!! like all the stoopid threehowses fukkin genius that was clevver moves lyke y'kno ace stuf reely but the thing is rite that for sum reeson yeh the elves 'n' the gnomes are lyke reely propper angry this time rite i dunno why tho we just doowin wot needed doowins so its shits reely 'cos i'm at Dristilla the wizardesses place 'n' shes helpin us to escaype for a bit yeh that like me 'n' me mate jaffi 'n' me mate floggu 'n' me mate yokki so hey yeh this is the messages rite FIRST BE HATIN THE ELVES 'N' THE GNOMES 'N' SECOND IF THE DAFT FUKKIN DETEKTIVS TERN UP THEN DON'T TELL THEM WERE IVE GON 'N' THIRD IF Y'DONT MIND THEM HIT EM WIV A STIK OR SUMTHIN FOR ME hey thanks thats cool 'n' all yeh 'N' HEY FORTHLIES ITS SUMMER SO IF Y'SEE ANY LITTEL PUSSI CATS OWTSIDE THEN GIVE EM A BOWL OF WATER OR SUMTHIN COS THEY PROBLY THIRSTY 'N' HOT 'N' Y'GOTTA LUV THE PUSSI CATS YEH well thats it hoo knos wots gonna happen see yu all soon as i can yeh ha ha oh well fuk it i'm in the trubbles 'n' evryfin 'n' evryfin so 'n' it wos worth it eh.

hAHAHA fuckin bump. Dristilla the wizardess!

oh my fucking god. YES. best thread ever. thank you, daddylikes.

Hahahaha