Toilets and I make for great bowel movements
 

It's true. Handy apparatus, that is.

To quote me 'There is nothing like offering a premium sacrifice to the porcelain temple' or 'Dropping a deuce'

If it deserves a thread of its own....................

and?

I do not take the simple pleasures in life for granted.

did you think up the title for the thread but then couldn't be bothered with the content?

You can't fart online can you?

I have booze in my hands.

Who needs "content" when it's Poop Talk?

You never seem to amaze me at how suprisingly virile yet calmy effete you can be. What a versatile human you are....but unwinding on the can is one often overlooked subtle pleasure of life.

^ to truncated...... not to confuse the populus

Well, it's a universal human function (at least I hope so). There's no way to dress it up or down. The topic might as well be addressed as bluntly as anything else.

Personally (and perhaps seemingly contradictingly, as I'm discussing it at all), Number Two is very private and personal for me. I cannot do that in any bathroom that is not my own. This is not for reasons of prudence; it simply is not physically possible. My body runs on a military clock; I could set a watch by my evacuation habits.

*Note to anyone who suffers from a bout of constipation: While this may not work for everyone, running greases those wheels, so to speak, very effectively. My special bathroom moments are always after my morning run. Always.

What I don't get is the habit of reading in the bathroom. What could possibly be taking you so long that you need entertainment to pass the time? Why would you want to prolong such an activity?

Toilet paper: are you a crumpler, or a folder? I'm a folder. And the squares must always be in multiples of four.

Toilet paper should remain random, if the Human Race is to survive...

Folded toilet paper. Crumpling seems inefficient or something. And reading on the toilet is great. It's not that it takes that long, it's just something to keep you occupied whilst you take a shit. And then, quite often, you might find yourself reading long after you have evacuated, so to speak.

Anyone surf the net or talk on the phone whilst defecating?

Yep...I am a reading/entertainment advocate when it comes to the bm's. I happen to enjoy the lengthened, prolonged period of time that I exhaust when upon the cradle.

yeah, the toilet is one of the best places in the world to read, if not the best. it's also very natural, you expell one substance (the stool) and absorb another (knowledge) which may well be deposited (orally) as shit too.


i fold, i think crumpled toilet paper would probably miss bits.

i wad. gets the job done.

Sometimes wads don't stay wadded, and that's asking for trouble.

And while I see the merits of your theory, T&B, I suppose I have to disagree. An armchair personally suits me a bit more than a porcelain bowl for reading comfort.

you've gotta get a good hold on them.

good hold on what?

That presents a disturbing image.

underage scat, yikes.

I fold the paper too, that's the only correct way. First a piece of two squares and following that I carry on with single squares at a time as long as the job gets done. Although I often execute the task of releasing the bastard into swirling abyss right before I go to take a shower.
Both are things usually done once per day so it's logical to get them done it that order.

wads of TP

There's a scene in Carry on at Your Convenience when a new model of toilet is being tested for comfort. Sid James' characeter sits, opens a newspaper, shifts about and says to the others It's not bad, but I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour. On the whole, the divide between reading on the toilet and not reading on the toilet seems to be a male/female divide, but I can't really see why that should be.

Well, let me say that our bathroom is stocked with a dozen or so books, all chosen for the same quality; namely, they combine edifying content with a presentational style that offers the chance to learn something even during a brief visit. There are some very fine books on that shelf, and usually the latest Private Eye too.

My theory is this: unless you suffer from an unfortunate problem, then the two times that you are most relaxed are likely to be a. in bed, b. on the toilet. When better to take in some information?


Folding is the only polite course of action; proper and organised, a good sign that all is well.

let me announce that during the last 3 weeks I have no bathroom (general re-making of the appartment). So for me #1 is peeing in a large mineral water bottle, #2 is newspaper paper + plastic bag + throwing it to a garbage can. it's weird, one gets used to it.

good lord. my life would be empty with out my toilet.

This is the best thread. Ever.

And besides,recent studies say that shitting and reading in the bathroom reduce your concentration skills.I'm not kidding about this.

may i hear one of your movements?

What's brown, soft and sits on a piano stool?

i don't know, what is brown, soft and sits on a piano stool?

a cushion?

Beethoven's First Movement.