By Popular Demand: The Sober Thread!
 

Yay! A space for all the sober people!

Extoll us with the virtues of the straight-edge lifestyle!

Um?......................*leaves the thread in a hurry*

Intellivision! You're here!

Normally you arrive about two hours earlier than this, I was getting worried about you.

Intellivision, you're driving me to drink....

Me conduire pour boire de l'absinthe et je toujours apprécierai la bonté de cela.

Oh peut-être je serai obligé à être sobre si postant ici?

i don't drink alcohol. got some healthy liver here.

I do drink the alcohol. In fact, thanks to over-imbibing last night at a gig in Kings Cross, I have a bit of a hangover. Still, musn't grumble, that's the British way, don't you know.

To drink the alcohol is to laugh in the face of death and to lick one's lips at the sight of a nice juicy doner kebab with extra chilli sauce.

I'm typing this while sober.

GOOD OPPORTUNITY PLEASE READ!
If you don't believe this can work... Read the letters after the instructions!
MAKE PENIS FAST!!!
Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have received well over 50,000 inches of penis, all yours. This program has remained successful because of the inadequacy and vanity of the participants. Please continue its success by carefully adhering to the instructions.
Welcome to the world of Mail Order Penis Enlargement! This little business is a little different than most cosmetic surgery. Your product is not solid (sic) and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the business of extending penii. Many small of endowment are happy to pay big bucks for this service. (The money made from the penis enlargement is secondary to the income which is made from people like yourself requesting that they be included in that list.)
1) Immediately cut off your penis at the base.
2) Cut off the head of your penis, and pack it in ice.
3) Take the remaining midsection of your penis, and cut it into 5 pieces of equal length.
4) Immediately mail each piece to the first 5 names listed below starting at number 1 through number 5. Send penis only please (total investment your penis). Enclose a note with each piece stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list." (This is a legitimate service that you are requesting and you are paying your penis for this service).
2) Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list. Move the other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.) Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10 position.
3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 10 position into 10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the message base or to the file section, call the file, MAKE.PENIS.FAST.
4) Within 60 days you will receive over 50,000 inches of PENIS. Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again whenever you need penis enlargement. As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically in the mail order business and people are sending you their penis to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to a reconstructive cosmetic surgeon that can be found in the Yellow Pages for additional income on a regular basis. The list will become more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. This is perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18, Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.

NOTE:
Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and notes they send you. This is PROOF that you are truly providing a service and should the AMA, FDA, or some other Government Agency question you, you can provide them with this proof!

Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for their participation as a Penis Enlarger with one inch of penis each. Your name will move up the list geometrically so that when your name reaches the number five position you will be receiving thousands of inches in penis.
1. Daniel J. Karnes 6394-B Tawney Bloom Mogi Donuts, MD 21045
2. Emil T. Chuck 6394-A Tawney Bloom Mogi Donuts, MD 21045
3. Charles Whatson 7690 Karnesville Road Phobic, MI 48348
4. William Davenant 8295 Hiding Closet Rd Clarkston, MI 48348
5. Peter Ruckman 14805 Rivercrest Sterling Hts., MI 48312
6. Steven Crisp 3718 Kings Point Troy, MI 48083
7. Mark Gengler 5748 Patterson Troy, MI 48098
8. Pat Robertson 666 God's Little Homophobe Road Anti-Christ Hills, VA 48307
9. Fred Phelps 14-U Our Saviour of the Closet Lane Orchard Lake, MI 48323
10. Jesse Helms 20840 Tobacco Mercenary Street Lung Cancer Hacks., VA 48038
Dear Friend,
My name is Daniel J. Karnes. In September 1988 my life was repressed and the bible thumpers were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was never laid and my mental disability checks had run out. The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was my Apple computer and my bible. I longed to turn my fixation into my vocation.
This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day cruise to the tropics. I bought a Double-Wide Trailer with CASH in February 1989. I am currently building a Self-Worship Temple on the West Coast of Florida, with a private S/M Dungeon with room for all of my closeted friends, and a beautiful view of the bay from my women's shoes closet and wardrobe. I will never be underendowed again. Today I am equipped! I have over 400,000 inches of penis (33,333 feet and 4 inches! ) to date and will become a million-incher within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This penis enlargement making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000 inches or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or reconstructive surgeon.
In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could earn 50,000 inches of penis or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though, when you are desperately underendowed, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustrating day looking through the want ads for a wife who didn't need sexual fulfilment. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up my Apple computer and calling several gay bulletin boards. I read several of the message posts and then glanced at the letter next to the computer. All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams.
I realized that with the power of the computer I could expand and enhance this penis making formula into the most unbelievable penis enlargement generator that has ever been created. I substituted the computer bulletin boards in place of the post office and electronically did by computer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams will come true.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel J. Karnes
-- Why doesn't Wenchell's
-- Serve Mogi Donuts?
About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. I ignored it. I received about five more of the same letter within the next two weeks. I ignored them also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and dreamed of making thousands of inches, but I was convinced it was just another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was wrong! About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal. I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer. I didn't expect much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as I, they wouldn't be too quick to part with their penis. But, I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing to show for it but ticket stubs. This week I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the envelopes and mailed out one piece of my penis in each as directed. Two weeks went by and I didn't receive anything in the mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened! I can't say I received 50,000 inches, but it was definitely well over 35,000! For the first time in all my years, I was adequately endowed. It was great. Of course, it didn't take me long to feel inadequate again so I am using this excellent penis enlargement opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and get ready to enjoy.
Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are skeptical that it really works!
Good Luck,
Charles R. Whatson
St Agathe Que.

Oh, man, I am SO sober right now.

I'm gonna go and have a glass of water.

Roflcopter.

And its counterpart, L0LMOBIL.

We really are in the space age now, huh? Vehicles powered by mere humour.

This thread looks to be exciting... Woaw !!!

It's for you :
http://www.straightedgelifestyle.com/
enjoy !
(It's not my cup of tea)

... cause of his straight-edge lifestyle.

cause of his sober lifestyle.

overrated

*drinks some more Jameson*

I think it's cool if people are sXe but why do people get tattoos ? I know a dude that has 3 big x's on his chest (not for porn, but for sXe...). It's like.. "okay, yeah, whatever, come on dude... you don't do drugs and alcohol.. *golf clap* do you really need to spend $150 to get huge tattoos of X's?"

My favorite person I know is this dude who said "I've been straight edge a few times in my life." And I think that's impossible.. you can only be straight edge once.. once you get drunk or do drugs or something, you no longer have the edge! It's a cool lifestyle, I just don't.. I mean, why not just fucking have all kinds of different things like that... "I never murdered no one! I'm anti-kill EDGE!" I mean, geez, be proud of yourself, but come on. I dunno if that really had anything to do with this thread but how often is sXe mentioned here? (besides the Ian MacKaye buttfuck thread)

Most straight edge kids I knew gave up when they hit the legal age.

sXe 4 however long it makes me look cool :rolleyes:

I said I was sXe for one day, because I thought it would be cool to have big black X's on my hands. Then, I was like, "ehhhhhhhh... Most people who proclaim themselves to be sXe are no fun at all."

yeah, then there's always those christian kids that want to get all punk rock without pissin off jesus.


I'm too Irish for any of that bullshit.

hmm, no sir, I don't think I've met a sober person before.

A straight-edge guy in 1982.
He really looks sane, no ?

Ian MacKaye, a straight edge guy? Can of worms right there.

i used to have straight edge attacks, i would draw x's in my hands and not drink or smoke in that say date, then when the x's faded, i'd go back (not that i spend all my waking hours drinking anyway). then again, i used to have wigga attacks too.

yeah, juice rules!!!!

And a dead soul :p

Alcohol can be art. How people can miss out on Guinness, Hoegaarden or the beauty of a fine ale?

Personally I'd rather do what I want, enjoy myself, not worry to much and die younger then lead a long life of abstaining from the things I enjoy. Obviously there are limits and I employ a degree of moderation but the primary objective of my life is too enjoy the handful of years I have on this planet. I suppose some people dont enjoy alcohol and thats fine.

I don't care much for alcohol, or drugs for this matter, but doesnt mean I have not tried both. In my opinion they are lame.

feck man, you've obviously never met any alkies. those people are more fucked up than your worst nightmares.

i like to get plastered a few times a year, but if somebody else chooses not to, it's none of my business to persuade them to do so. fact is that alcohol unlike othre drugs is poisonous to every cell of the body, from the brain to the gonads, not just the liver, and if you choose to take poision, you shouldn't feel morally superior-- matter of fact you should be able to enjoy yourself without chemicals. the other day i went to a melt-banana show & had a blast just drinking bottled water. it's not so hard you know.

of course may i remind you, i like to get plastered every now & then, so i'm not preaching abstinence. but what ploesj said is true and what you said is a bunch of rationalizing horse dung :p :D

but hey, welsh drunks like dylan thomas are fine by me.

David R Edwards is my favourite Welsh drunk, by the by.

I like drinking. I dislike sanctimonious drinkers/ non-drinkers. Mostly, like smokers, it's the ex-drinkers/ druggers that are the problem. I've got a fair few (observant) muslim friends, and not a single one has ever whinged about my drinking in front of them.

It's much like the sexuality thing - whatever someone does, or doesn't do, with their life, good for them. Just don't wear it like a badge.

I won't promote drugs (although I am partial to a little bit of weed every now and then) but in defence of alcohol, there are many different types. Aside from the effects (which are not for everyone) there is the taste consideration. I can enjoy Beers, Ales and Wine on a purely asthetic level. I disagree with the dismisal of alcohol on the basis of its effects. Not enough people appreciate the skill, care and attention to detail employed to create really great Whiskey, Wine and Beer. I think to just dismiss 'Alcohol' in general, like some homogenious substance is slightly unfair. I do understand what your saying but the my inner ale critic cries :(

ha ha. who is david r. edwards?

i'll check later-- gotta get back to work.

Alcohol is part of my national identity, man. Don't try to take it from me!!!!:p

I don't drink..I smoke though. I wanna quit. I smoke pot about once a year to remind me of why I'm not a pothead.

My father was an alcoholic lol

There is a big difference between being an alcoholic and enjoying yourself in moderation. And I certainly don't feel morally superior. Its a non-issue. Like I said the effects of alcohol aren't for everyone and I was only talking about how I feel about the health/enjoyment balance. My main objection I suppose is people who don't drink not appreciating that you may drink alcohol for different reasons other than to get drunk. I will often buy something more expensive that I enjoy, rather than something cheap that I can buy more of. Some beers I will take an hour to drink. Most of the time I dont drink at all with my friends. The demonisation often over shadows the pure art of brewing. I know that most people drink just to get drunk but thats not me.

sorry, what did you mean your father was an alcoholic?

and the sermon on the pleasures of moderation i have heard ad infinitum.

i don't demonize alcohol...

...but i do enjoy winding you up. :p

Umm well hes dead now, liver failure. So im aware of what alcoholism is and what it can do. I know lots of people (remember this is wales:p) who have been in the same situation and now treat alcohol like an evil substance.

I wasn't so much giving a moderation sermon as explaining what I meant by enjoying alcohol. Often people say "I don't like Alcohol". I suppose thats their choice not to drink it and thats fine and probebly better for them in the long run. I just think its a bit of a generalized statement. There are so many different alcoholic drinks and I find the people who say things like that a lot of the time have only tryed one or two beers and a glass of cheap wine (in my experience). On this forum I expect its rather different. Its probebly a case that people had partied through their youth, tryed every drug/drink and then decided it wasn't much for them. Since I enjoy ale, beers and go round trying to taste every one that looks interesting to me, my view on all this is different to most peoples. I suppose its like if someone says "I don't like music". Its their choice but one always suspects they havent listened to enough to pass judgement.