Baby Dump!
 

Someone just called to warn me that they were taking advantage of the new law and dropping off an unwanted baby (my office is in a fire department).

Everyone is out of the station, and I have no fucking idea what to do.

Oh dear.

Is there really a law that says that unwanted babies can be dumped like garbage at any public office?

Yes, there is. I believe it includes city halls, police stations, and fire stations. I support that law - it's better than a dumpster - but not when it occurs while I'm at work.

Babies are my kryptonite.

I can see the good side of that law, but...

They should find some way of forcing sterilsation upon both the parents of the unwanted child when they dump it.

Apparently you need to squeeze its foot to make sure its alive, wrap it in a blanket or something warm, and get it to a baby unit or a doctor quick [EDIT - I've just read that the baby will be less than three days old - make that fucking quick]. I guess it might be a good idea to get some baby formula milk and a feeding bottle too, just in case it hasn't been fed. Failing that, just try not to drop it.

Where's Pookie when we need him most?

Indeed!

You'd be surprised how complicated it is when an emergency is brought directly to the fire department. You'd expect things to be expedited, but you have to go through this ridiculous process of calling dispatch centers to send alarms out.

I don't even know where the goddamn blankets are in this place. This isn't my forte.

Apparently, this is not some blanketly forgiving law. There are all kinds of requirements that must be filled, like:

- it can't be judged to be more than 7 days old (like I'll know)
- it has to be dropped off by someone you judge to be the biological parent (to prevent kidnapping, etc.; how in the hell are you supposed to tell that? Does she have to have the umbilical cord trailing out of her?)
- it cannot be abandoned; it has to be presented to a uniformed employee (which I am not, so in that case, what do you do? What if they simply drop it and run?)

I'm going to either unintentionally kill this child, or get someone sued. I am all for that sterilization.

It doesn't sound like you're a person they're legally allowed to dump the baby on then. Can't you get a policeman to come over and do the receiving? Or just hide under your desk?

If you do end up holding the baby, so to speak, I'd say you should wrap it in a coat or a jumper to keep it warm, and, in the absence of proper baby feeding materials, occasionally feed it small amounts of water from a spoon to make sure it doesn't get dehydrated.

Thanks, Daddy (while in jest, I am seriously thankful for your advice).

Anyhow, this is a good segue into the feelings of others on this law. Approve? Disapprove? Questions? Comments?

I don't really understand why fire stations should be made to handle stuff like that? What's wrong with child services?

It's only fair to warn you that my advice is based upon a TV programme that I once saw where a piglet was rejected by its mother :eek:

To be honest, piglet babies are higher in the hierarchy to me than human ones, anyhow.

Population control, people.

Is it there yet? I have to decide whether to go home or wait and see what happens.

I just got the call that it was on its way, but I wouldn't wait - there aren't that many exciting outcomes. I'm more interested to see the emotional state of the mother; she was having someone else call on her behalf, so I can't imagine it will be that great. I'll let you know if I jeopardize anyone's life.

"Let's drop it off at the fire station!"

holy shit. poor kid.

No answer... Is it possible that truncated has decided to adopt it?
I hope that she knows how to use a milk expresser.

Ha!

I don't like children. Unless I can give them back, and even then, only a select few enter my good graces. I do not blanketly find babies cute. I find their squalling, evacuation of bodily wastes, and dependency highly unappealing. Is this their fault? No. However, I would certainly never saddle myself with such a burden, in hopes of my nonexistent maternal instincts "kicking in." The problem with American society is the thoughtlessness with which many bear children, and the readiness to unload the responsibility of their development upon society/other individuals when the realization that they were not suited to bear human life descends upon them.

Which is to say, I am one of those people that is far too selfish to have kids; the difference is, I know it, and it is therefore an impossibility.

Hence, the chastity belt.

I must say, that I find it quite sad when I look around me and see 16 year old teenage girls pushing prams. They can barely look after themselves, let alone their own offspring. Most of them still live at home, sponging off their mothers who in a lot of cases, are divorced. The same mistakes get made over and over again, with no lessons learnt. What's worse is noticing that the kids fathers are nowhere in sight.

I'm afraid that this is in more drastic need of education, than sterilization.

holy shit
i think this was a episode of Law and Order SVU once.
what the fuck are you gonna do Truncy?
bring it to the coppers ASAP