Punnilingus
 

Vote for your favourite pun, or add your own!

Option 1) Two Eskimos sitting in their boat were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Option 2) Two boll weevils grew up in Cornwall. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind, drove a tractor and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Option 3) A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He sidled up to the bar and announced, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Option 4) Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Option 5) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," she said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Option 6) There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Option 7) A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amal. The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished that she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

more outright stupidity of this nature is needed on this site. and look how unpopular it is too!

i'm on my own, but 1 & 5 made me laugh out loud.

thanks pookie.

excellent puns

I like 6. A pun about puns. Very postmodern indeed. If Baudrillard wrote puns, that would be one.

4 and 6 were my favorites.

I winced. But you're still pretty.

Currently perusing the puns. Anyone ever plaid fish n' quips? It's a Cod-awful game, I Hake it.

7. Definitely 7 for me. That had me Roe-ling on the floor laughing.

I'll take a #6 as well. I like Baudrillard, hes one of the few philosophers that I can stomach.

6 is really short and to the point

it's the least painful :(

seeing as you brought it up (vomit pun intended) What dont you like about Baudrillard?
Reading The Conspiracy of Art is on my summer to-do list.

I suggest a back-up poll asking if puns are funny. I think they are, but tradition seems to suggest that I should groan rather than laugh when hearing a pun. I don't really understand why that is.

As for especially good puns, I will listen to a some episodes of Round the Horne tonight and try to spot a few.

Bad pun:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eskimo Christian Italian.
Eskimo Christian Italian who?
Eskimo Christian Italian no lies.

Talking of double entendres, some descriptions of the 'lovely Samantha', scorer from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue:

"She's looking forward to going out for an ice cream with her Italian gentleman friend. She says she's looking forward to licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan."

"She's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out."

"In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section."

why-- i dislike everything of course. french wanker.

but i'm too lazy to go on a long explanation.

please check this out instead--

http://physics.nyu.edu/~as2/

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ps--

oh wait wait wait

if you prefer a short version:

http://physics.nyu.edu/~as2/dawkins.html

http://www.elsewhere.org/pomo

Please don't bring twat Baudrillard into my pun thread.

Thanks people.

i'm still laughing at the chest nuts one!

it's been days . . . i can't find anyone that finds it remotely funny.

i can't even work out why it tickles me so much.