The horrible musical collaborations thread
 

How many times have you listened to an heard about a musical collaboration that made you want to eat your own leg? For me, these are legion, but for starters, here's these:

Lou Reed and Sam Moore "Soul Man" - A legend of music gets some grizzly old geezer to grumble his way through an old soul classic, all to aid a "comedy" of such monstrous racistosity. Truly bleeurgh.

Elton John and Pete Doherty "20th Century Boy" (Live) - The Master of music inroduces a 'fresh young talent' onstage, and Mister Doherty staggers and slurs his way through the old T Rex great. He should be thrown in prison just for this.

Paul Weller and Noel Gallagher live on "The White Room" TV show - I forget which tune they played, but Noel's inoffensive strumming was given a good buggering by the sweaty and grunting Weller on keyboards and 'vocals', doing a great impression of Albert Steptoe. Put me right of me dinner.

Various Artists "Perfect Day" - the BBC get together a cornocopia of musical talents to murder the Lou Reed song. Heather Small? Fuck off!

Lily Allen and Mark Ronson "Oh My God" - Yep, it's Ms daughter-of-pseudo-Cockney-geezer covering the Kaiser Chiefs tune with a irritating teenage voice. The backing (c/o Ronson) is even worse, horrible pop-ska with some truly ball-shrinking moments.

Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder "Ebony And Ivory" - with some pretty heavy credentials, you'd think that these two could come up with something at least halfway bearable? No. What we have a an MOR slopfest so caked in fake sincerity, that I bet their pleas for vacuous racial harmony through the power of song had many a sane person tempted to join the National Front out of sheer spite/suicidal despair.

Right, that's me lot for now. What about you?

Anything that is by "xxxxx featuring (insert name of "R&B" artist here)" - translates as "I'm desperate - please buy this or my label will drop me".

Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson can just fuck off with that stupid vile shit.

almost all collaborations fucking .. don't do anything for me.

sorry, neurosis and jarboe! sorry, boris and sunn! sorry, lustmord and melvins! you all stink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..

Scissor Shock and Pussycat Dolls: A desperate attempt by one to gain kudos from the other.

Ah, here's another - Wyclef Jean and Brian Harvey "Ole Ole". Ghastly. In fact, can I add Wyclef Jean collaborating with anyone, ever?

And here's another - Madonna and Gogol Bordello - way to destroy any credibility you had, Eugene "son of Lionel" Hutz.

No mention of Bowie and Jagger's "Dancing In The Street" yet?

^^^Yes, one of the cornerstones of any horrible collab discussion - remember the video? Hideous stuff. It would have been more preferable to see Bowie shove his cock into Jagger's mouth - at least it would've stopped Mick's 'singing'.

Sean "Puffy" Combs/Sting Performing "I'll Be Missing You" at the VMAs. Sting should have just sued the guy instead.

In Jacko's case, it should've been "The Boy Is Mine", with the video featuring Uncle Michael giving some 10 year old brat the benefit of his attentions and wandering begloved hands., whilst Macca tickles the ivories in the background giving the occasional thumbs-up signal to camera.

U2 and BB King "When Love Comes To Town" - embarrasing sub-My Old Man's A Dustman tune with Bono and Co emoting with such earnestness, that they zoom right off the camp scale into unknown territories.

haha scissor shock

Jesus & Mary Chain with The Sugarcubes

I like Pigs Of The Roman Empire through i hate that Lustmord (i forgot his real name, and it's not worthing the search) guy..

Gladys Knight/ Elton John/ Dionne Warwick/ Stivie Wonder - That's What Friends Are For

Tina Turner/ Bryan Adams - It's Only Love

The Jesus And Mary Chain/ Hope Sandoval - Sometimes Always

U2/Green Day - The Fucking Saints Are Fucking Coming

Ozzy Osbourne/ Kelly Osbourne - Changes

an exception?:

gene pitney and marc almond do something's gotta hold of my heart.

that's a fucking classic.

oh oh . . . what about the travelling wilburys? do they count?

what a shambles.

Dizzee Rascal and Lily Allen. You just know there was lots of record company strategising going on there.

Some more exceptions:

Nick Cave and Kylie - Where The Wild Roses Grow
Nick Cave and Blixa - The Weeping Song
Nick Cave and Shane - What a Wonderful World

Anything with Nick Cave involved, basically...

.....if you discount his contribution to Current 93's 'All The Pretty Little Horses'.