holiday work parties
 

i am now "that wife".

oops.

anyone have any holiday work party disaster stories?

ouch! no disaster stories from christmas parties, though. that's jesus' birthday.

by jesus you mean chicken wing? so tender and mild? (which is how my kid has been singing silent night and i told him he probably shouldn't do that at school... since someone might get a little upset he's substituting chicken wing for holy infant)

Tell him to preach on.

Office parties: to be avoided. I've had a good season of crashing other people's work parties whilst entirely avoiding three of my own. Winner.

I have a work party to attend on the 20th. I just found out yesterday that the managers organized a Secret Santa gift exchange, and pulled names for all of the employees. If I had known they were going to do this, I would have asked them to leave my name out of it, because I don't have $20 to spare for this dumb gift I have to buy for someone who may as well be a complete stranger. I mean don't these people realize that we have families and real friends we have to buy gifts for as well? Cunts.

yes. they are.




no. but what did you do?

at this party i may have done the following things:
punched someone's husband
went on and on and on about how hot this female employee is... to her... and i kept going on and i wrapped it up by telling her i'm not a lesbian.
called a bunch of people pussies.
told someone else's husband that we should go home together and his wife should go home with my husband. it didn't come out like i meant it to.

and some other stuff. i'm sorry, floatingslowly :(

ha ha-- how is that you meant it to come out?

but look on the bright side: you're in oklahoma

i'm sure that's the bread & butter of social life in your fine state

did this happen all recently, or is that your rapsheet?

eh, fuck it. sillier shit has been said at office parties. the sooner you guys start joking about it, the sooner you won't be "that wife" anymore.

i don't know how i meant it to come out. i... don't... know. i wasn't flirting.

oh no... i did all that last night at his work party.

i have a bad habit of calling people pussies when i drink.

there's this one guy who hates me because he's nickname is now pussy.

4th of july:
girl: hey everyone want a shot?
pussy: oh no... not me.
me: why the fuck not? you a fucking pussy? waaaah does your pussy hurt? awww your poor poor fucking pussy. you fucking pussy... just take a fucking shot, puss.
pussy: blank stare
girl: here are the shots! (and she brought the pussy one too... we all drink shots, including the pussy)
me: awww did that make your pussy feel better, you fucking pussy?

and on... and on....

i tried to tell him one night that i didn't really think he was a pussy... he didn't seem to care.

on the upside... someone out-wifed me after i left. she danced on a chair. i would NEVER make a spectacle of myself!

Girlgun marry me? Think of all the havoc we can create.

see? there you go! nothing to worry about.

I hate going to such things.

17 years! impressive!

synth... savage is going to kill you for using that! haha.

my dad is getting married in 2 hours. i'm hung the fuck over. the only thing that's gonna help is a drink. dammit.

Don't worry by the time he get here, with his Bike I will be in San Francisco.

haha I'm not mad. she was pretty bombed though. I had to get her out of there before she got any worse. I have to work with these people ffs and they are all a bunch of hens.

however, as mentioned, she was out-wifed.

the lady who's husband got punched (on stage during a trivia thing) didn't seem to care. she just wanted to talk about "chris' wife". hahahah

also of note, she:

• introduced herself as my "husband" to my boss.
• discovered a new love for wine. "I'm totally into the pink".
• asked to have a picture taken of herself with Vanessa and "Emily's ass"
• called me "pussy" so many times that I took her to the bar near our house afterward.
• insisted that she did all of this because she was "punk rock" (I agree).

it's all good because I got $50 out of the deal. good times.

I really wish there was video footage.
I say blame it on "stress" from the ice whatnot.