Pick up lines that just don't work
 

These are pickup lines that I have used, guaranteed not to work.

• Hi
• Hey
• Hi, my name is Julian.
• (in response to "I like your velvet underground t-shirt") Yeah, they are ok.
• (in response to "I like your beard/hair/something") Oh really? I just haven't shaved in awhile/ brushed my hair today.
• (in response to "my boyfriend bla bla bla") Oh, he sounds like a nice guy.
• (in response to "do you smoke?") No, I've got terrible lungs, don't want to fuck em up more.
• (in response to an offer to fetch me another drink) No, I've had enough, I don't really want to get drunk tonight.
• (seeing a girl miraculously sitting on my bed) Hey, lets find out if there are any parties going on tonight.
• (in response to "I love your Don Cab shirt") *insert anything here about having indie connections*
• (in response to "I think you are a good guitar player/singer") I'm not really at my best today/I'm not techincally that good/I hate my voice
• (in response to "Why do all my guy friends fall for me?") I don't know, guys are stupid.
• Any honest question masked as a joke
• Blatantly telling a girl how you feel towards them

That is all I can think of for now. NO, these were not all used on the same woman.

Class!

hey baby, wanna meet the band?

You must be feeling really bruised now...

Ow man been there done that!
Saying hi is the worst pick up line... Girls think yr a freak when you do that...
atleast when I did it.

talking about your ex is always a winner :p

ha ha ha

I'm frustrated, so much so that I am giving into asexual feelings.

I'm not really talking about any ex's. These are all girls that I failed to get with. My ex picked me up actually.

Thanks, I was thinking of using that one, but you gave me a sudden change of mind.

Great post.

But you're posting classically... I can practically feel the desperation dripping from your post... Wit. :)
EDIT: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to SpectralJulianIsNotDead again.

Yeah, that is something I'd do given the opportunity.

"Hi" is the only thing that's every worked for me. But never when I want it to.

Oooh, here is another one I forgot

• (when you find a girl miraculously in your bed) I haven't washed my sheets in awhile.

That's it man, you're getting repped.

heheh

noooo...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to SpectralJulianIsNotDead again.

"Do you know how heavy a polar bear is?"

"No."

"Me neither, but it breaks the ice".


This will either work so well you will be in debt to me till you're 60, or it fails heroically and badly. There is no inbetween with this line.

If i was a girl, i'd fall for that one.

You need a bit of panache though. Your average football-type couldn't do it. It sounds to much like a pick-up line. You need the English gent thing. Or the generic gentlemanly thing. It is good. But it is difficult to pull off.

all these studied methods are impracticable for the more primitive among us. i'd say just approach w/ steady gaze & grab her ass.

Some more.

• My last girlfriend was crazy, she had borderline, was addicted to anti-depressants, and had terrible mood swings. I couldn't deal with all of her emotions.
• I think the pill is terrible. What is the point of birth control when it doesn't prevent STD's and gives you mood swings?
• My mother. . .
• Any mention of personal political/religious/philosophical views
• I had a lump on one of my testicles, so I went to the doctor to find out if I had cancer. It was just a staff infection. I think my cat gave it to me. (I was clawed in the nuts once when sitting down in my boxers)
• My penis. . .
• Blowjobs. . .
• I'm waiting for the perfect girl to have intercourse with
• How can you possibly hate children?
• I think the main objective in dating is marriage, if you stay with a girl you know you wouldn't to marry, you're pretty much just using her for sex.
• Dialogue: Me: Hey, do you want to hang out on friday? Her: I can't, I have work. Me: OK, maybe some other time

I also do the seed of interest thing from the 40 year old virgin, but lose interest by the time she "blooms."