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Why are you staying alone? Got any friends you can stay with for awhile?

It's possible...
Is anyone in your family bipolar?

I'm sorry you're having a tough time Lilly, and I hope things get better for you :)

My uncle had it pretty damn bad, when he switched medication they put him in the hospital so he doesn't go crazy. He's bipolar and something else though. A doctor told my grand parents that he's mentally handicapped when he was young (he's just slow though)

If anything I'm probably depressed, or so everyone tells me.

.≥.

You should definitely seek a specialist to help sort your head out, Lilly. It worked for me, so I know. You won't go far by just thinking and talking about it.
Hope you'll be fine.

Sometimes I wonder if I might have a mild case of something. Not long ago I just thinking to myself like always about some of the philosophy I was reading and I came up with a title for a fictional novel "Phsyics of Thought." Curious, I looked it up online and found this: http://www.advancedresearchconsultants.com/thought.htm

Completely schizophrenic website. It's comforting to know my thoughts aren't so alien to a schizophrenic mind. There have been better examples (like my real depression about a year or two ago that almost had me seeking medication) but this was the most recent.

Now this reminds me of my very early 20's.
Got back to France after a two month Kerouacstyle trip to the US (West to east coast).
Came back fucked up, but mean FUCKED UP.
I understand the difficulty to point out ONE reason, simply because sometimes things get all blurred.
ended up as a drughead for about 4 months, lost ALL my friends but a couple (who would not talk to me anyway as i was so weird and unpredictable), ended up totally estranged from my parents.
went away for about three months. Nobody except the guy who was accomodating knew where i was.
really lost it for a while, spending my time luistening to ATL, slept in a boxroom the size of a simple mattress with a fucking nest of spiders above my head all that time.

Eventually i DID need help from a psychanalist to sort myself out.
Things eventually got back to normal about a year or so after.

now that was TOUGH, one evntually finds reasons, which doesn't mean u can solve the actual issues, but at least you can try to have a little healthy emptahy for yr own bad self.

it DOES get better.
just hope it doesn't last TOO long because these times are really hard.

like drowning to the bottom of swimming-pool. U need to touch the very bottom of it and FEEL it to push back to the surface.

don't know anything about bipolar though. i wasn't anyway. i was only MUTATING, maybe you're just going through that phase too.

They recently doubled my dose of anti depressents.
But I think everyone here takes those.

I don't. I'll try to avoid them until I can't rely on myself any more.

actually my point was that although u might feel it's gonna lost forever, u DO get rid of those eventually. Well at least that's what happened to me:p

weeeeeeeee

mmmm
psys are not everybody (I actually tried three before finding the right one and even that last one was meh, he just listened passiveley without commenting at any point, but that what i needed, so)
had exactly same problem with untold drug abuse and , hence impression of being unable to deal with reality.
The day u stop drugs, u start dealing with reality although it will take months to admit life is more fun without the drugs. Life will look BLAND, yes. So u have to keep busy, busy, busy with a creative activity.

but wait, i thought u had a boyfriend , is that right?

I know it must be hard but why don't you just work on dealing with the drug issue? That shit surely triggers some bad stuff in your head.

- yes i do have a boyfriend who is absolutely wonderful but i don't want to be around him right now. it's nothing personal.
- i have not been able to deal with reality ever. even as a kid.

myeah you're in that phase you're actually CONVINCING yrself you can't get better.
getting estranged from the boyfriend at such a hard time? meh

i think it gets to a point where i'm very interested in exchanging points of view, but will only end up with useless pieces of advice that will sound shitty and fake and narrow-minded, so i'll stop here but do keep us informed , will u?

all the best!

no i'm not trying to trick myself into thinking i'm a lost cause even though i have been known to do that

but i have had extreme escapist tendencies since childhood
really though im sick of talking about myself

I used to think I was depressed, or melancholic. I didn't really want to talk with anyone. All I'd do to pass the time was listen to music and play guitar.
I recently got a new group of friends, and I'm happy all the time now. I've found other ways to spend time - I play other instruments, listen to more music and I socialise.

What you've got going on sounds more like strong depression than bipolar disorder. Not that I'm the slightest bit qualified to say, but the symptoms you lay out sound like depression. Less glamorous, but more prevalent. Perhaps easier to deal with.

I worry about people thinking they have bipolar disorder, because too often doctors in the pocket of the drug industry just go along with the self-diagnosis and dole out drugs. That happened to my wife, who was convinced she was bipolar, and I swear the only time she behaved the way you're supposed to with bipolar disorder was on the fucking drugs.

jeez. i didnt realise that this was so common, if thats the right word, im one of the lucky ones, i get in a bad mood occasionally and thats it when it comes to depression..

cantanky, keep safe and chin up as they say. i do believe it does help to talk to people, even a friendly stranger, someone who aint gonna judge.... if i was nearby, i would lend an ear anytime! im no expert on matters so im not gonna pretend to give you advice.. all ill say is people do care about you and you are a good person and it will get better soon, promise..

"virtual hug"

I only like crazy people. It's the ones who insist they are sane that you have to worry about.

brb basket weaving.