My dog is a twat
 

He wakes me up this morning so he can whine at me and do the sad-labrador face. I assume he needs to go outside to do his business, so I groggily make the marathon stumble down two flights of stairs and kindly do so, so he can run about barking like a twat on the gravel forecourt thing.

Next thing I know, I'm in the kitchen to find some juice, and there's a big steaming pile of dog shit right in the middle of the floor. Fucking hell! Why did he even wake me up if he'd already took a massive shit? And of course, nobody else being home, I had to poke around the flat looking for cleaning products. I sprayed it with Febreze but it didn't disappear, so I had to resort to crafting a makeshift scoop with yesterday's Daily Mirror. It didn't work very well so now there's a big skid mark all over the floor in the kitchen and I can't be arsed and the dog is wagging his tail like a TWAT :mad:

Pictures?

clean that shit up properly! no pun intended. get something to sterilise it, bleach, rubbing alcohol, whatever, and a wad of paper towels, wipe the rest of it up and then mop the floor with white vinegar, you fucking lazy sod!

White vinegar? Rubbing alcohol? THIS AIN'T AMERICA BUDDY

I sprayed it with flash and then mopped the floor, which should suffice. Oh, and no pictures.

no wonder the english are so filthy, do they not sell rubbing alcohol or white vinegar there?

I couldn't imagine my life without vinegar and rubbing alcohol. I tremble at the thought.

Also, this is the exact reason I hate dogs and love cats. They take their shits in boxes, all nice and convenient for you.

Probably, but we don't seem to hold it in such high regard as you Americans;


I mean.. what! There are other cleaning products.

rubbing alcohol is mostly for wounds, though

We rub salt on our wounds like real men.

if you don't do what cantankerous says you'll get dogshit eye blindness disease. danny, girls know about cleaning.

he's right, you know.

rubbing alcohol burns like a sonofabitch. iodine as well.

I just discovered the most baller cleaning thing ever!

This can that shoots foam onto your carpet and it just sizzles and disappears and leaves your carpet SPRING FRESH! Oh man this is amazing.

The only time I've seen/used rubbing alcohol is at a hospital.

you said baller.
you are an american in disguise.

and that shit is for stains, btw, not just spraying willy-nilly. and if you've got stains on your carpet (or if you've got carpet at all), you're disgusting to begin with.

off to the beach!

Dogs are dirty and annoying. It's obvious that thety're all twats, innit?

"And you're calling ME a twat?"

People that are also excessively proud of their dog are generally twats, too.

Amen to that.