so i found out my brother's in jail
 

last december he moved to texas to be with his girlfriend. he was on his meds and stopped doing drugs for awhile, but me and my family knew it was a bad idea for him to leave. he was 24 though and could do whatever he wanted really. ayway, he moved and all was well until around the time i moved to brooklyn and then all of a sudden he started abusing his meds and calling my family members for money so he could "pay his bills" (meaning he ran out of meds and needed more speed). so anyway he finally got around to calling me and asking me for money. i was working seven days a week at the time so i told him i could maybe lend him 50 bucks (even though he wanted 300), but then i moved into my place and quit my second job, so i ended up not giving him anything. anyway, i haven't heard from him since october. i googled him in december and nothing. i just found out today though that he's in a texas jail after trying to rob a cvs for drugs. i mean at least i know he's not dead or homeless, but it's still not the greatest news i wanted to hear.

sorry that this is really long. anyway, i feel if maybe i would've forced hi not to go to texas or maybe if i would've called him back the last time he tried to call me thing would've been different.

also, if anyone wants to know why i'm against drugs that is the reason right there. i've seen way too many people in my family (mental problems and not) hurt by drug use.

Sucks dude. Don't beat yourself up. Like you said he is 24. He is responsible for his own actions.

That shit sucks but don't blame yourself for it.

nope, it's not your fault. hope your brother turns out even remotely ok in the end.

that's rough, i hope your brother can get through this bad patch

It's sad to hear, but once again he's 24, and when family members reach that sort of age they drift apart and start living their own lives, don't feel guilty that you didn't contact him enough, every family is like that sometimes. Whatsmore, theres no chance whatsoever that giving him money would have changed this current situation. It would probably have made it come around faster, or worse. So you did the right thing, and someone a clearly conscientious as you will surely continue too.

what part of texas is he being held in?

merda, man, that sucks, but is he nuts and are you his guardian? no-- you really can't control what he does. im sorry for him and for you man-- this is hard shit. but sometimes life deals you a turd and you gotta suck it up.

now if youre intent on saving him, and have the means, you could have him declared mentally incompetent and become his guardian. that would take a lot of lawyering and money, is my guess. but who knows. contact a social worker, maybe? they know about this shit.

stealing drugs in texas! yeah that's a complete no... worst state ever to fuck with the law...

again man, sorry-- check with a social woker though, we are a useless bunch

if you love your brother and want to help continue to love your brother, and do all you can to express that love within balance, and above all follow your heart.. if you have to go all out, go all out.. if you have to let him get burned a bit by the fire he is starting, let it burn..

do what you feel you have to do because that is ALL you can do, because to repeat what EVERYONE has said, your brother is in fact a grown ass man, and is responsible for himself..

BUT..

everyone needs help, especially those grownups who are fucking up continually, and if nobody ever helped anyone simply because they were fucking up, well shit nobody would ever get any help to begin with would they?

remember, that while your brother is responsible for himself, we are all responsible for each other, especially within family.. nobody ever was successful on their own, it takes the help of human interactions, in other words, those of us who are succeeding have ALL had a break in one way or another, and if you can, do all that you can to give your brother that break he needs.

This requires spiritual, emotional and to an extent physical support. Provide all of the above that you are able, in the exact order. After all, in order for your brother to become a successful, "normal" person again, people are going to have to treat him like a normal person, and give him the love and attention they give to each other under normal circumstances..

Love covers a multitude of sins.

I pray it works out for the best..

I think that is a little extreme for the circumstances..

I hear ya man, stay strong and know that it wasn't yr fault. Not much compared to the wisdom already spoken in this thread, but it's a tough act to follow.

fuck that his shitty Uhler.
it is always very hard for friends and family to separate what is help and what is pure enabling.
I have dealt with it too. keep on rockin loud and hope everything works out.

that shit sucks and it's in no way yr fault.
Adults should be able to solve their problems by themselves.

not as extreme as being fucked up by a texas jail, don't you think?

i'd rather take the insanity defense any day. most people with bad drug problems actually have mental health issues, but in our idiot system we choose to criminalize that-- and in texas... don't get me started.

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/tuliatexas/more.html

oh, I don't think jail is some how an improvement, but I do not think that attempting to declare your sibling mentally incompitent when they perhaps are just fucking up is any better, it is a bit extreme and will not solve the problem, but will in time only create more problems. I don't feel the brother would accept this solution any more than jail, perhaps even less!

I wouldn't attempt that with any of my siblings, crazy or not. They'd have to be in the process of already being committed to some kind of institution before I felt it was that drastic a situation. Jail is not that kind of institution. When you attempt to rob a business, you tend to end up in jail, this is an unavoidable consequence. The time now is for damage control. Further, I think the govt is already involved enough as it is without involving more judges and case-workers.. too many generals at the bargain table as them old time say..

When you are in jail, and getting out, and recovering from drug addiction, or even still in its grips, you need social and emotional support first and foremost.. and if necessary, a little physical support is equally important..

as the Apostle James said, how could you tell your brother who is need of sustenance 'go in peace and be warmed' without providing a blanket for the cold? Faith without works is dead, works without faith is a lost cause.

My advice here..

uhler, keep faith in your brother, that is what he needs most of all, for someone to believe in him with unconditional love, and regardless of everything, to be treated like a human being and not a fuck up or an incompitent..

With what measure you measure out, will be measured against you. Give love unfeigned and you will be surprised with the results, because after all your brother is an individual, you have to persuade him to work with you for the better, not attempt to force it. HE has to come to this realization on his own, all you can do is fascilitate the process with an open heart and mind, after all, he is your brother!

peace

uhler, this sounds awful and rough. Hang in there, sir. :) I would also agree w/SuchFriends re being there for him.

Hang in there, buddy.
You sound like a good brother.

:(
It's completely not your fault, so hopefully the regret of not doing more doesn't last too long. People will do what they want. If he really wanted your help, he would have asked for it, not for $300.

thanks for all the kind words people.

it turns out he was arrested on january 18th trying to break in to a cvs to get "his medication". he tried breaking in to the one by where i used to live around five years ago for the same thing, so he does have a record of doing this. he was doing really good until he decided to move to texas and then his drug problems got really bad again.

the shitty thing is that i'm friends with his now ex girlfriend on facebook. i asked her how he's doing. her response was, "we're dead and loving it." she never told me this whole time what was going on.

I hope he gets well...
I wish you the best uhler.