Sonic Youth Gossip - What I think I know....

Quote:

Originally Posted by ann ashtray

about relationships.

1) Sometimes vibes can be wrong. Just because your girl/boy shows up a few hours later than usual, doesn't mean that something shady is going on. If such problems persist, and you always get half-assed responses as to why he/she is running later than usual (this is usually accompanied by other "questionable" factors"), give him/her the benefit of the doubt. They could be telling the truth. Sometimes personal circumstance can be a bit out of the ordinary, and putting pressure on one for solid explanations that may not exist can, do doubt, cause undue problems. Allow your partner their space. Who cares if they are smoking out more than usual or are possibly caught up in some new-found video game that it taking up a bit of the attention you are used to them giving you. SOMETIMES these things do pass.

2) Unless you KNOW something shady is in the works, again, don't pressure your partner. Again, vibes can be wrong. All things come out in the end (and while, yes, you may worry that you could be wasting yr time on a girl/boy fucking someone else in a back alley on their lunch break)...allow it to pan out, especially if you love the individual (please, don't ask me to define love as that is a whole 'nutha topic). You may find out you've been suffering much undue stress in the end....and reality is, even if ya find out whatever vibes were accurate...at least you know you were not at fault. Let nature run it's course.

3) FACT! People, even those in relationships, fantasize about others. We are sexual creatures, and this alone doesn't boil down to one being unfaithful to their partner. This doesn't mean you should tell your partner that you want to fuck the babysitter, KEEP these thoughts to yourself (especially specific fantasies regarding specific people)...pornography can be a healthy way to deal with this. If both in a relationship can watch it without the other caring...fantastic...if not, keep that shit secret.

4) And this one indirectly goes back to 1...we ALL need our space. YOU well NEVER be EVERYTHING your lover wants. Of course, they might make such claims toward the beginning, and likewise, at the time they may feel as such. But anyone that has dealt with such feelings as "being in love" more than once knows all too well that relationships often begin red hot w/ the most amazing of emotions running amuck...two weeks to a few months later, this will not be the case. It doesn't mean something is wrong, it sometimes just means that you've grown comfortable. If yr boy sometimes prefers playing guitar over going to see a movie, or your girl is all of a sudden wanting to spend a bit more time with her female friends...this DOESN'T mean things are going downhill. Allow them to be themselves and don't take shit too personal.

5) If it's been well established that one of two parties has been unfaithful...move forward. Nine times out of ten, there is no "fixing things", even if the guilty feels utmost regret and you know he/she is being sincere. In most cases, you yourself will always acknowledge the possibility of a third equation working it's way into the picture, and likewise, you will never be comfortable with when they want to go out without you being there or if they happen to get home later than usual. Sometimes, it's OK to trust yr instincts, and ALL the time, it's more important to look out for your own well being than someone that has made such mistakes. If YOU aren't comfortable, chances are they will not be either. If you can deal with the problem without w/ full trust + not too much discomfort...go for it.

Relationships are quite possibly, as far as I can tell, the most amazing, as well as most difficult things any of us will ever deal with.

That said, my girlfriend is asleep. For the first time in our relationship I've been playing the "I'm not sleepy, you go ahead and get some rest" card. She seems OK with it, and I'm OK with that.....but, likewise, I am now tired of playing Lemmings (seldom do I play video games, and truth be told she got up much earlier this AM then I did...) and am going to sleep.

LOVE,

-s.

swa,

there is absolutely nothing wrong or "less manly" about being the guy who hooks up with a woman after she has had kids with someone else and the daddy splits on her.

in fact, depending on how the new male behaves, this is often an honourable calling. as if he steps up and acts sensibly and compassionately he can do a valuable service in the raising of those kids and the life of the mother.

however, in your case, when mommas new bf is a whiskey soaked blues bumpkin who spends his days on message boards posting this sub cosmo magazine fucking diary drivel, then not only would i if i was hypothetically a social worker be thinking "DANGER! WHO IS THIS STRANGE FAGGOT?" i'd also be wondering how utterly battered your gf's self esteem must be that she think she needs to hook up with this, well, FAGGOT is all i can say. i mean FAGGOT not in a homophobic sense, i use
it out of sheer bewilderment at the utter monstrosity of the bullshit that is coming out of your head.

my advice to you would be first of all to pack up your belongings, sell what you can and leave all the money you can muster in an envelope for her, then sneak off in the middle of the night. then i would advise you to go out into the wild and camp alone for at least a fortnight, trying to survive on your own. if this fails to cure you of your faggossity then you need to be locked in an isolation chamber for days with no food or water. these are just wild suggesstions meant to impart the gravitas of the situation re. your fagotronics.

or perhaps the worst of all, perhaps the worst of all would be for you to show your post to your gf when she wakes up. show her the post, and look her in the eye when she's reading it. and if you pretend that you don't see the mixture of uncomfortableness, disgust and the patronising attempt to um, yeah, i see what you, eh, mean, yeah....

i say faggot as a male who has had boyfriends in the past. i say faggot as a male who has been slapped on the ass by a gruff looking tranny while he gyrates madly to lady gaga in a pair of womans hipster jeans and a xs t shirt with a 8 bit picture of a pink cherry on it.

in fact i'm pretty sure every other person in the gay bar last night, if waking up to discover their bf had written this, would either laugh or awkwardly shoo you out of their bed and out of their fuckin lives.

i say faggot as all these things, but as also a concerned citizen who only wants whats best for you all.

for the love of god. please stop. not just for yourself, but for the children. think of the children.