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Originally Posted by atsonicpark
Man, every girl I've dated has had self-esteem problems, which has inevitably led to self-abuse, either mentally or physically. Even a girl saying she hates herself, constantly, is self-abuse. What I've found is that it usually isn't "serious" -- in the literal sense, I mean; teenage suicide is down, in fact -- but it is EXTREMELY serious, on a deeper level, in the fact that this will be something she will probably have to deal with for a long, long time, as is usually the case. I guess, in my case, I've always been attracted to loners, the girls who aren't big partiers and shit; inevitably, the most interesting people -- and the SMARTEST people -- are suicidal. There is a long history of this, let's look at Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, and so on and so forth, it seems like the smarter you are, the less happy you are in life, because ignorance is bliss. I, myself, have always been extremely depressed, but the older I get, the easier it is for me to cope with my problems. But when I was, oh, 20 years old or something, man.. I wanted to fucking DIE!
Anyway, right now, you might get blamed -- by her, by her parents -- you might even blame yourself. Ignore all this. Just be strong. Even if you're depressed out of your mind, yourself, you gotta be strong for her. See, people are ALWAYS looking for someone/something to blame. That's because everyone will be looking for the quick fix. Everyone's so quick to "hey, let's eliminate THIS" "or THAT" "or how about THIS and THAT?" This stuff is never quite that simple. Usually, people who are depressed, are depressed for deep, deep, far-reaching problems that extend many many years back. Some people don't even know why they're so happy, it's more on a subconscious level than anything. Still, life is a cold, depressing landscape. Everyone is looking for ways to escape, to distract themselves from boredom, because boredom is what usually leads us to realize how damn depressing the world really is. "I have nothing else to do, why not focus on HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE?"
How I "distract" myself from my problems is to play music. For a long ass time recently, I sat in my room and didn't go anywhere and didn't do much. I was very unhappy but now I have got some potential new bandmates and goddammit, I want to play! This won't solve everything, but it gives me somewhere to be, someone who desires my time/talent (y'know, relatively speaking -- I can play some weird arpeggios, I dunno if I'm "talented", but to some people, that's a skill they desire), so I have things to look forward to.
Just try to be there for her. Also realize that she will probably want to be alone a lot, too. Just try to help her create a healthy, comfortable environment for herself. She might get pissed off and push you away and blame you -- but when it's all said and done, she'll appreciate you for everything you have done. And sometimes, the best thing to do is to do nothing. She'll say and do some things right now that might really upset you, but that's probably just to push you away even more. I've had girls say they hate me, just so I'll leave them alone. Sometimes, they were looking for an "excuse" to stop living, so they figured if they could get rid of me, they could kill themselves, since they wouldn't have anything else to live for. Obviously, they always quickly abandoned that way of thinking, but when someone's depressed, they don't always think rationally.
Just be really strong. Realize that not everything right now is going to make sense. You might even have to take a little bit of abuse. You know your limits. But you know what? DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. This is not anything you did. this is not anything she even did. But this is something that, one day, won't matter. Things won't always be like this, no matter how awful they seem right now. You guys can get past this -- what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Of course it seems like the end of the world right now, but if you can overcome this, you can overcome anything. You will be so much happier in the end.
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