|
This might be the last update for a little while...I hate to air my dirty laundry on the board, but I consider a lot of you guys to be like pen pals or something along those lines. And it can be more satisfying talking about this semi-anonymously than to my parents, my girlfriend's foster mom, or her not-always-supportive biological sister.
Yesterday while I was at work, she called my cell phone and since I was unable to answer her, she left a long voicemail saying she doesn't have feelings for me right now and isn't sure if she will again, and basically that she needs to focus on herself for the time being, but she still wanted to be my friend and I could call her back if I wanted. I called her back an hour or so later on my lunch break...I had planned out all the things I was going to say, but when the crisis center put her on the phone, I was fairly speechless for a good minute or so. When I regained my composure, I told her that I wasn't going to try and change her mind or convince her to feel the way she did before if it doesn't come to her naturally. But I did tell her sometimes you need to take life one day at a time...she told me there's a lot of uncertainty in her life right now, and she's not even sure if she'll return home when it's over. I told her that if she does return to Pittsburgh, she should look me up...I told her take care, and that I love her, and hung up.
So that's it, for now, anyway...but, I can't help but feel...ever see the movie Millenium? Don't. It's a horrible film; poor acting, thin plot, weak effects even for the time (1989), and to top it off, Kris Kristofferson played the lead role. However, its last line did make an impression upon me, and in this case, it fits:
"This is not the end...this is not the beginning of the end...it is the end of the beginning."
Call it love, faith, optimism, wishful thinking, or just plain denial if you want, but it's the way I feel.
|