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Sorry to hear all that Adam.
I need to vent.
Sorry.
I feel like I have nothing going on. I need to change jobs but I dont even know where to begin to find another. When I look up job postings its endless lists of jobs I'd never heard of or seen or thought of and they are all unappealing and foreign as hell. The thoughts mount that I am completely unadaptive and am making my situation worse than it could be, yet I cant stop thinking that way. I dont like living in the city, but have no resources to change my situation. I ended a decades long relationship last fall because it wasnt going anywhere, and though I dont regret this action, I feel like I'm worse off because I alone am not going anywhere either. Living alone is costing me the skin off my ass to get by each month, so theres no chance of taking time off someplace. I took a week off to stay home recently and it made me feel worse. There was a guy I 'hit it off with' last year but it didnt work out, and I'm finding myself pathetically and pathologically mourning the loss of that connection every day, much much more than I've mourned the actual relationship I was in. And hes doing fucking great. I've tried school a few times in the last few years and can never keep attention despite having an interest. I talk to my doctor about depression and how hard it is to get up and brush my teeth in the morning and she gives me pills and tells me to volunteer somewhere. Fuck, is there seriously no end to this? I dont have anyone I can call up and talk to. Any time in my life that things go okay, the effort it takes to keep that up ends up backfiring and I end up in this same place anyway. Every time I get to this point it's worse and worse.
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