|
I was in love with a girl once but it was a forbidden love. She was lower middle class and I was upper working class. Our families would never have approved. We had to pretend to be just flatmates.
One day her parents came to dinner and we had to keep up the pretence all night.
When they had gone we were so relieved. But later on I discovered that my favourite solid silver plated cruet set was missing. It had been a gift from my Cub leader when I received my cookery badge with the highest score ever recorded in Bramlinton Cub troop 5th division.
I swiftly came to the conclusion that Lettice (for that was her name)'s mother had taken my solid silver plated cruet set. I had noticed throughout the evening that she fondled it often, not realising that I had noticed her keen attention.
I persuaded Lettice to email her mother with my accusation:
"Dear Mum, thanks for coming to dinner with me and Pookland. We had a lovely evening. Unfortunately we noticed that Pookland's solid silver plated cruet set went missing that evening. I'm not saying that you 'did' take the solid silver plated cruet set from my flat, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the solid silver plated cruet set but the fact remains that the solid silver plated cruet set has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love and hugs, Lettice."
Weeks passed and we heard nothing. Just as we were coming to the conclusion that Lettice's mother had been caused grave offence and that we may have been mistaken in our initial accusation a reply arrived in Lettice's inbox:
"Dear darling daughter Lettice, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Pookland, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Pookland. But the fact remains that if he were sleeping in his own bed, he would have found his solid silver plated cruet set by now. Love, Mummy."
Our forbidden love was discovered. I have not seen Lettice for these past 45 years. And I have not loved with such intensity, propensity, and apprehensity since.
|