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Well, it's a universal human function (at least I hope so). There's no way to dress it up or down. The topic might as well be addressed as bluntly as anything else.
Personally (and perhaps seemingly contradictingly, as I'm discussing it at all), Number Two is very private and personal for me. I cannot do that in any bathroom that is not my own. This is not for reasons of prudence; it simply is not physically possible. My body runs on a military clock; I could set a watch by my evacuation habits.
*Note to anyone who suffers from a bout of constipation: While this may not work for everyone, running greases those wheels, so to speak, very effectively. My special bathroom moments are always after my morning run. Always.
What I don't get is the habit of reading in the bathroom. What could possibly be taking you so long that you need entertainment to pass the time? Why would you want to prolong such an activity?
Toilet paper: are you a crumpler, or a folder? I'm a folder. And the squares must always be in multiples of four.
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