Episode Two
A man is seduced by his wife's
midwife and has sex with her in the next room whilst his own wife is in the middle of giving birth.
A doctor insists on going to the next room to listen to his patient list his symptoms over the telephone. The doctor has a very bad memory and ends up forgetting what he's doing, so that when the patient telephones the office next door, the doctor chides him for not making an appointment.
A recurring character is introduced, a man named Mr Bentham. Even compared to the surreal nature of the show, this recurring sketch is clearly
dreamlike. In each sketch, Bentham enters a plush office for a meeting with a middle-aged man to whom he goes with his minor problems. In this one, Mr Bentham doesn't know what to do on Saturday evening. He is advised to go and see a show with some friends. Everyone involved in the Mr Bentham sketch is incredibly polite and formal with each other, although Mr Bentham always gets strangely nervous when making small-talk with the secretary outside.
A Dutch
porn star (played by Chris Morris) explains his fear of getting "The Gush", which is apparently a terrible affliction male pornographic movie stars can sometimes get. It involves being unable to stop shooting
semen, resulting in the victim ejaculating themselves to death over a period of several days.
A man throws himself into an industrial shredder that is set up to spray his bloody remains over his ex-wife's house. He calls out to her before jumping into the shredder so that the horrified woman leans out the window just in time to get a face full of gore.
Faked
CCTV footage shows television presenter
Richard Madeley beating up a cleaner and having sex with a
vending machine.
One of the most controversial sketches of the series shows a woman begging a
plumber to "fix" her dead baby. She reasons that the baby is only really constructed of pipes and other materials, and tells the plumber that he would easily be able to repair the corpse to working order. He is very reluctant, but after being offered £1,000 an hour he takes the job and uses the baby as a housing for steam-ejecting pipes, taps, and various other things. We do not see his completed work, but the mother - who is obviously quite deranged - is very happy with the results.
We hear the sounds of a car bomb going off in the distance, and we see a policeman looking in the same direction as the sound. Eventually, a woman, covered in blood and obviously wounded, begs the policeman for help, but he runs away, yelling behind him "I wasn't looking!" The woman collapses a few seconds later
A brief scene shows a crying woman complaining
"I can't feel my cock" when her mother asks her what's up. A possible reference to
Futanari.
A middle-aged man declares how is doesn't like the idea of dying in his old age and so has himself buried (alive)
"whilst I'm in my prime." He sits up in the coffin during the funeral service, listening to his own
eulogy.
[
edit]
Episode Three
A woman, with her grinning husband beside her, explains her preferred method of
foreplay. It involves her husband coming home crying and claiming he has just been homosexually raped
"by a gang of street poofs."A doctor asks to see a patient's penis, which he then expresses great admiration for, much to the concern of the patient who actually only came in with a
headache. The doctor then shows off his own penis. His colleague catches him and tells him off, making it apparent the doctor does this regularly. The doctor then asks if he will be able to do the same thing a few more times before being reported, and the colleague grudgingly agrees.
A woman whose housing
rent has recently gone up decides to take action by lowering the house prices in the area (
Kilburn) by spreading grease on shop windows and frying
excrement on a grill by the side of the road.
An angry couple complain to a repairman that their new television has
lizards coming out of it. The repairman offers some hopeless solutions (
"sweep them up"), and then accuses the couple of putting the lizards there themselves. They angrily ask for his name and his manager's name in order to report him; he only mockingly gives them "Mr. Lizard" and taunts them before strolling out of the house, laughing. The husband becomes mad with rage, and his wife slaps him.
A manageress cannot afford to give a member of staff a pay-rise so, as an alternative, she offers to
fart on her secretary's head. The employee is quite satisfied with this although the secretary is understandably rather distressed.
A man tries to hold up a shop by insisting he has a gun in his stomach. The cashier doesn't believe him and attempts the serve the next customer, so he fires it. The gun shoots the wrong way, blowing the would-be robber's spine out and killing a customer that was waiting quietly behind him.
A scene without dialogue shows happy couples strolling around near an abortion clinic all holding tiny coffins; one woman who has a tiny coffin greets another who is pregnant and waves goodbye to the bump.
Mr Ventham goes to see his mysterious advisor, to whom he complains he can't find his
wallet. The advice-dispensing man suggests he looks around the kitchen for it.
During a press-conference, a couple sing a tearful song, accompanied by a cheap
synthesizer, begging for their young son to be returned safely to them by his captor.
In order to help get their son into a very competitive local school, a couple have been sabotaging the competition. This involves getting other people's (very young) children drunk and encouraging them to smoke and take up an interest in
pornography