|
The Wee Cheeky Ned: Firstly I should point out that all neds have big mouths, and many are cheeky, but the Cheeky Ned is an astonishingly impudent breed of ned, easily differentiated from the more common varieties. The purveyor of many a mischievous comment, this ned is full of disrespect for and defiance towards everyone and everything. Below average height, face permanently bearing an unsettlingly impish grin, and a voice as of yet unbroken, these tykes can be extremely irritating. And this irritation is amplified by the fact you can do absolutely nothing about it. Whenever you spot one, the chances are they will be surrounded by a scattering of Common Neds and a "Goon ned". It is this ned-curtain that gives them the courage to speak out at anything, and instils them with their legendary defiance. When surrounded by their kind, these neds fear nothing. They will mock any authority, whether it is a security guard, or a train-driver, and square up to people twice their size, separating them from their more common cousins who's cheekiness is largely incidental. So, if you ever trip up in the street in front of a squad of neds, and a mocking, shrill scream followed by elaborate impressions of you, replaces the more common 'ha ha, look at you ya nugget', you'll know that the troop was blessed with a cheeky ned.
The Mad Ned: This ned is quite rare, and will, more often than not, travel alone. Without even a trace of a conscience, the Mad Ned is very dangerous, and if spotted, must be avoided. Do not confuse this type of ned with the typical hard-man of a ned troop. The garden variety hard-man's tough guy image is merely an act of machismo, and will in most cases disappear along with his squad. The Mad Ned is a highly anti-social individual without a twinge of humanity who, when travelling with a squad, is the one described by his pals as having 'taken it too far', whether that be kicking a man to death, or introducing a cat to a firework. So, wherever a ned squad goes too far, a mad ned was travelling with them. Ordinary neds themselves fear them, and behave like sycophants around them.
More commonly, however, perhaps resulting from a slightly psychotic nature, they travel alone, with the aim to destroy people and property. Many have graced our televisions in programmes showing CCTV footage: the man seemingly without purpose, walking down the street at 2am damaging car after car; the unprovoked attack on a passer-by culminating in several stamps to the head; those curious individuals that push a blade into an innocent bystander for no other reason than they were there at the time. Unable to inhibit impulses in their brains like the rest of us, if this ned has a golf club, he will swing it whether he is playing golf or not, rather similar to the way a young child will attack anything and everything if given a plastic sword.
|